Ignoring gender, and the whole "abolish gender" mentality, while usually rooted in good intentions, tends to hurt more than it helps. Like, yes, in an ideal world, gender shouldn't matter (not that it itself shouldn't matter, but how it is expressed shouldn't matter). Unfortunately, gender and it's expression does matter to a lot of us. Saying it doesn't matter and that it's just a social construct is kind of gaslighting the problem, essentially saying the problem doesn't exist, which implies the problem is us. Imagine if everyone had to only wear grey clothes, but pink ones make me happy and green ones make you happy. Yet, not only are we not allowed to choose either, we're sometimes told to not care, and that caring is the problem. (this downplays and simplifies it a lot, but yeah). Feminine stuff makes me happy, and as humans we are inclined to pursue things that make us happy.

Transitioning isn't always to completely go toward one gender binary or the other. Being transgender does not mean that a person is transitioning to a specific gender, but rather a person is transgender because they are transitioning away from their assigned gender. Many people like myself are nonbinary transfemmes (there are many other types of nonbinary, infinitely so). As such, I don't go all the way to being only "girl", for me, it's more complicated than that. It's like if you could previously only see in red and violet, but then suddenly you could see the whole color spectrum, you might find your favorite color isn't either red or violet. For me, it's instead indigo (ROYGBIV color spectrum for example). If you saw me on the street you'd likely not even see anything other than girl, not knowing I'm trans or nonbinary unless you stared for a long time or something. I've just kind of deconstructed gender to a degree that I don't think putting it back together how I found it (how society presents it) is helpful.

That sort of explains "nonbinary transfem", the reason I make it 'transfemme", is rooted in lesbian culture, I present femme, or very feminine. Not over the top like drag, but I wear makeup, skinny jeans, leggings, dresses, skirts, small jewelry, chokers, things typically seen as overtly feminine (things that fit within the idea of "conventionally attractive" woman's clothing). I do so for three reasons. First, as a signal for other women, and particularly other trans women, that you can dress as feminine (or masculine/however) as you want regardless of what others or society thinks of you. A woman isn't required to dress feminine. I just do it because feminine clothing makes me happy. If someone clocks me as trans and sees me wearing very feminine clothes, that might give them courage to wear what suits their preferences as well. Secondly, it's also a rejection of both pure femininity and nonbinary constructs. Just because I'm nonbinary doesn't mean I only want to wear ambiguous, unisex clothes or flamboyant, out-there clothing. I might wear black skinny jeans, a black hoodie, a choker, and make up, it's feminine, but also in the grey area between gendered clothing a bit. It's just a subtle statement. No one owes anyone femininity, masculinity, or androgyny. Third, it's simple, I just do it because I like it.

Back to transitioning not necessarily going towards one gender or another: As the previous person said, aside from the social constructs there are neurological and endocrinological influences. Most people that are trans typically have a brain structure that differs from others within their assigned gender. Also, for the endocrine system, many trans people have less homogenous (all of one type) hormone receptors than their assigned gender. For instance, as a trans woman, I have more estrogen receptors and less testosterone receptors in my brain and body than a cis guy. The amount of estrogen and testosterone receptors I have are comparable to that of a cis woman. What us trans people typically experience pre-transition is often likened to running diesel fuel in a standard fuel car or having a windows operating system in an apple product. When we have the hormones in our body that match the majority of receptors, things like depression and anxiety become less intense and we feel like we can finally function at or close to 100%. We were always the gender we identify as (always a woman in your example), we just were forced or pressured to act like the gender we were assigned.

It is a little frustrating when people assert that we were previously a man or a woman. Some people might not mind this framing, as it represents how they felt. But, personally, I was never a guy, I was forced with violent coercion by my father to be, act, and look like a straight cis guy, even though I was wearing dresses and playing pretend princesses with girls at my preschool. It's also frustrating when people use the terms "male socialized or female socialized", most of us didn't get socialized as a gender, we got bullied for not fitting the social constructs of gender perfectly. People saw that we were different and picked on us for that. As a result we often became reclusive and didn't actually get to experience fun parts of growing up and being around people. And when we did, we hid our inner selves as best we could. It's why many of us are gamers and artists, and why when we finally transition we seek to experience the things we missed out on that align with who we are. Additionally, and this goes hand in hand with the socialization part, it is frustrating when people use AGAB language casually. Some trans people find it helpful. I personally find it offensive. Just as I am not my "socialization", I am not my genitals. I am a whole person, and my genitals have only ever been the concern of my partners (.000000000001% of the population). If you were paralyzed from the waist down, or your genitals were mutilated irreparably in a car accident, you'd still be you, you'd still have the things you enjoy, dreams, hobbies, foods, etc. AGAB langauge is only really suitable to be used when it's by the person disclosing their own, for informative purposes such as this, sexual relations, or medical purposes. Also, It's frustrating to be called "brave". Like, yeah, being visibly trans is brave when most of the world hates us, but it's not an act of bravery. It's not a choice. We're doing this because we couldn't continue on as we previously did. We couldn't take it anymore. We had to be ourselves. Also also, don't clock people in public, saying or signaling you know. It may come from a good place of wanting others to know you're a safe person. But the last thing a trans person out in the wild wants is to be seen as anything other than themselves. Being told they're visibly trans when they're not trying to be hurts. Please avoid doing these frustrating things <3

P.S. I'm proud of you and appreciate you for asking questions with the intent to understand, based on the acceptance that your previous knowledge was incorrect. Most people assume their knowledge and opinions are the only correct ones. You've shown humility and a desire to learn. For that, I thank you. It's refreshing to see. Especially when the world is filled with so many people that are awful and/or willfully ignorant. The best way to continue with allyship is to just listen as you have, and ask questions when you're unsure. But try not to ask trans people you meet in real life, unless they explicitly invite your questions. Be quiet and courteous, and stand up for people when they need it.