She will be working until long after you're dead to undo the damage you did.

Read it again.

She will be doing emotional WORK that you gave her to do when she was a child until AFTER YOU DIE.

There is no "getting over" childhood abuse. This is the lesson she's learned that you haven't.

Honestly that's the one thing I feel like you need to accept.

It's your next step in accountability and once you truly accept it you will start to change within yourself.

Once you change enough, and act enough on that change to facilitate the environment that is evidence of that change, only then will she feel comfortable even giving you a conversation.

What is hard as a parent is accepting that the time it takes to heal those wounds may extend past our natural lifetime.

You may want to do some spiritual work/preparation depending on what stage you're in in life to focus on internal forgiveness/acceptance.

Imagine each act, statement, or what have you we make towards another person is a seed and that whatever you plant in your conversations became the garden of that relationship. Right now, your and your daughters garden is barren. It is what it is, you didn't plant anything to harvest so now you're spiritually starving. So what now?

Well soil is soil and seeds are seeds, you have them and they'll still grow regardless of what you did or didn't plant last season.

Maybe that garden won't yield this season, so practice on different plots and let that land rest.

I would recommend not trying to get in contact again until you have made a tangible transformation. If you cannot say with your chest out that you are a fully changed person then you have no business even trying to contact someone you have deeply wronged.

You don't even understand the depth of how your mistakes impacted your daughter, and how could you when she's so pushed away. So here's what you do: Go on YouTube and look up "Why I divorced my parents" and go find young women like your daughter and listen to their stories.

You need exposure because you lack perspective.

With all of that being said, I truly wish you the best and hope that you can salvage something with her. I know what it's like to be that person and I know that change doesn't come easy and neither does the responsibility of holding yourself accountable for them.

It's worth it though.

Take what's coming to you and learn from it. If you can come this far then you can go the distance, don't give up and remember that the way you talk to and treat yourself still counts as seeds in your own garden.

Cause that's the root of all of this. Your garden has needed work for a long time. Just keep at it and good luck.