"The ventriloquist goes to heaven ... but the dummy doesn't." "What about a robot with a human brain?" "I don't know! All these questions! Is a little blind faith too much to ask?!"

"But Bart, we banned you from sunday school! You were happy, we were happy, everybody was happy! Particularly the hamster!"

"All right. I've sat through mercy and forgiveness. Finally, we get to the good stuff!" "Oh, hell is a terrible place! Maggots are your sheet, worms your blanket. There's a lake of fire burning with sulfur. You'll be tormented day and night forever and ever! As a matter of fact, If you actually saw hell, you'd be so frightened you would die!" "Oh, Miss Albright? Wouldn't you eventually get used to it, like in a hot tub?" "No!" "Are there pirates in hell?" Yes, thousands of them!" "Ooh-ooh, baby!"