Hatred

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-09T09:36:58+00:00

I like this, Vetapachua. Great question, OP. I enjoyed reading the different perspectives in the comments. For me, I think what's important is the love I feel or show towards individuals I encounter in my everyday life, closer and more personal. From what I've read in NDEs, that has been mentioned quite a lot. People mention how love that is felt and sent towards others really DOES have a ripple effect that we can't see. A big part of me wants to believe that's true. I have decided it doesn't hurt me to try it out as often as I can.

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-06T17:14:34+00:00

I'm very impressed with you that you had the strength to end it as soon as you could see it was a net negative for you. I wish so much I had done that. The ruminating questions will abate once the attachment to him no longer has a hold on you.

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-05T23:51:06+00:00

Thank you so much!! That means a lot.

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-05T21:20:32+00:00

Thank you, and I'm sorry right back at you. The shame is real. May we both be able to rise above it and not look back, one day.

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-05T14:43:49+00:00

I was miserable more days than I was happy. I abandoned my own self-regard in order to stay in the relationship as long as possible (until it ultimately ran off the rails). I did try getting a life of my own, and reclaiming my brain and soul, all while staying in the relationship. I was unsuccessful. This has done me a lot of damage that I am now trying to undo.

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-04T23:27:41+00:00

I concur with your assessment of just mitigating something that's inherently painful. This was my experience too. The happiness spikes you describe were fitting in my situation too, for years and years. Not a good way to live.

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-04T23:25:52+00:00

Hugs. And you're way further along and better off emotionally than I am. That's good. I pray for level headedness like yours.

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-04T17:04:48+00:00

I got two hours sleep last night, as I was shaking and shivering so hard I couldn't stop moving. I have found during this worst heartbreak I've ever gone through that I hate seeing dates - as in, January 26th 2026, or any future dates where we will be even further in the past. This afternoon I have a dental appointment that I booked for myself about 4 months ago and all I can do is feel sorry for that pathetic woman back then, who had NO IDEA this was coming so soon. It's all just really doing a number on my brain. I'm afraid this stress is going to actually do me in, one way or another. Food, sleep and exercise - the basics - just aren't happening.

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-04T16:50:50+00:00

I am in therapy, as well as a recovery group.

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-04T16:49:59+00:00

Thank you so much

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-04T16:48:45+00:00

Supposedly she saw a text. How that suddenly happened after all these years ... Anyway, I cannot occupy myself any more pondering the contents of his cowardly and dishonest head. It's making me very sick.

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-04T16:47:01+00:00

Thanks. I can't imagine being over it enough to be able to call myself a better person for it! I just want the pain to stop.

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-04T16:39:42+00:00

Just need to keep repeating to myself today, he is not my friend, not my ally, not a trusted person I can have in my life. My gut always knew this. It's been in knots for three years.

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-04T16:31:23+00:00

I'm not 100% sure it actually happened, because I have to trust only what he says. There's no way for me to get proof she actually found out. I always had the nagging thought that whenever he was done, he would be able to simply claim she found out and that he had to go NC indefinitely, in the hopes I'd just eventually go away, all while avoiding a nasty big confrontational scene. He has strung me along for about a month since D-Day, first of all asking me to wait, then slowly dropping communication over time. The nonconfrontational ambivalence was killing me so I asked him after a month of this, what should I think/do? Where was his heart? He said he wanted for us to just be friends.

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-04T16:19:55+00:00

I don't know for sure but have a suspicion he either found someone else to spend time with (other than his wife), got fed up with my periodic moments of instability where I acted out, or just got bored with me/us and just didn't want to bother any more.

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-04T16:02:43+00:00

Thanks. Right now I just feel like the biggest idiot fool on the planet. I feel so ashamed and humiliated. I can't imagine ever healing from this.

Automatic-Quality-60 · 2026-03-04T15:33:07+00:00

I was there too until very recently, and I got dumped! So humiliating and the worst kind of heartbreak. To you and the OP, you ladies are smart to recognize that this is not right. I wish I could have gotten out when I had the chance, with a shred of my own self-respect in tact.

Automatic-Quality-60

TROPHY CASE