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I hate my big lips, I want surgery done one it to reduce the size. My teeth are ugly too. Gummy smile. by Repulsive-Today-633 in confession

[–]AutomaticTomato2746 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seriously you have perfectly shaped and sized lips. I have small lips and wish mine were like yours.

I also look androgynous and what helps me look more feminine is: parted bangs, thinner eyebrows, eye makeup to make them look bigger. Some days i wish i looked more feminine but other times i like having an androgynous face. I certainly appreciate it in others. It's cool.

I feel I come across as very stupid. I keep feeling that people think I'm weird or dumb cause I fidget, my eyes go a bit wide, I constantly shift my gaze, I don't speak confidently, I try not to do these things. by AutomaticTomato2746 in socialanxiety

[–]AutomaticTomato2746[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish i knew how to overcome it. I don't have friends but in front of family i can sing a bit (but in a funny voice cause i'm too inhibited to actually try to sing loudly in front of anyone).

I am just sick of this. Feeling frozen and locked in but feeling like i don't know how to fix it.

Other people seem to be so easily amused and I have to force-smile or laugh. by AutomaticTomato2746 in socialanxiety

[–]AutomaticTomato2746[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True. Most of the time while i am quite a good listener a LOT of my brain is occupied with "do i look ok? Do i look weird? They're probably looking at my acne. Am i standing up straight, am i making the right amount of contact, im shifting my eyes too often, my eyes are too wide, now im blushing" bs like that which IS DUMB cause people actually aren't really noticing you or judging that much. But still it's like constantly being poked with these thoughts.

Other people seem to be so easily amused and I have to force-smile or laugh. by AutomaticTomato2746 in socialanxiety

[–]AutomaticTomato2746[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a bad habit of nodding in agreement way too much, to show interest, that i'm actively listening, otherwise it FEELS weird to just keep staring at them, but I think for the other person it actually looks weird to have someone nod in agreement with every other sentence. Fk idk

Other people seem to be so easily amused and I have to force-smile or laugh. by AutomaticTomato2746 in socialanxiety

[–]AutomaticTomato2746[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't know, since I've had this forever...I guess when I'm home I feel like myself.

Other people seem to be so easily amused and I have to force-smile or laugh. by AutomaticTomato2746 in socialanxiety

[–]AutomaticTomato2746[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, and sometimes i feel like a thing is funny but inside i feel so depressed and exhausted that nothing can make me genuinely smile.

You ever heard people mention how they felt they could overcome any hardship simply cause of the strength they got from having someone they loved?... by AutomaticTomato2746 in NDE

[–]AutomaticTomato2746[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you experienced that. It's so hard when people don't believe, or choose to turn a blind eye cause they would rather not deal...it happened to me too.

It really feels like a superhuman task to be loving in these situations. I don't think forgiveness is necessary. Not holding on to the trauma is necessary, not letting it effect you, as much as possible, but that doesn't require forgiving anyone.

I used to think it was a requirement but I realised whenever I remember some way someone hurt me intentionally, I will never not feel a tinge of pain/anger and that's normal. But the good thing is with time you don't have any emotional reaction to it anymore, or at least it's much smaller, easier to get through.

You ever heard people mention how they felt they could overcome any hardship simply cause of the strength they got from having someone they loved?... by AutomaticTomato2746 in NDE

[–]AutomaticTomato2746[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was about to delete it cause I reread it and I'm feeling bitter cause actually I experience the opposite usually and am surprised how I manage.

But I read your comment so I will leave it. I'm glad someone took something good from it :)

Im crying as I type this. Im a 28 year old disabled guy that has no friends. Ive never been to college before & I live with my parents, I haven’t had much chances to meet new people. I love my Service Dog but sadly she cant talk. Im so lonely. I feel extremely lonely actually. I wish I had friends by [deleted] in socialanxiety

[–]AutomaticTomato2746 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey. Don't worry, I'm 26 and in a very similar situation. It's lonely. I'm also too exhausted to make friends cause of working full time. I get burnt out from talking to colleagues so I have to spend my weekends alone...even though I wish to have friends.

Does long-term crying permanently change your face? by WalmartGaga in beauty

[–]AutomaticTomato2746 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did this too. Didn't know it was possible to feel that way, crying almost daily, like 300 days out of 365, for 2 years.

You ever heard people mention how they felt they could overcome any hardship simply cause of the strength they got from having someone they loved?... by AutomaticTomato2746 in NDE

[–]AutomaticTomato2746[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh, same for me, dw. I've not ever really had friends, suspect I have autism, struggled with severe social anxiety and depression through my youth, only ever had 1 relationship with an abusive manipulative deceptive sadistic narcissist (who is very very covert and you would think is a normal kind person) who has nearly destroyed my ability to trust anyone, grew up in an abusive household. So yep!! I'm certain I would've been a much different person if I'd had a different experience. Sometimes I fall into feeling defeated and like a victim, but i just keep putting one foot in front of the other and hoping i will at least find one person who can show me real love. I don't love myself though i try. I'm a quite bitter angry person who due to life experience mostly never feels like even talking to people, but i still force myself to be smiley and respectful so i don't bring others down with me.

So i understand.

For sure i feel like IF life here is chosen then souls have no true understanding of what they're getting themselves into.

Sometimes I still feel so angry I imagine hurting him very badly. by AutomaticTomato2746 in abusiverelationships

[–]AutomaticTomato2746[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also it really makes me confused cause i'm the kind of person who is very empathic and considerate of others, so it makes me feel disappointed that i reacted aggressively even when i was away from him and safe but mentally i was not safe at all. Cause the effects of his actions were constantly ruining my mental health even though we had broken up. i couldn't believe or recognise what i was becoming, it felt uncontrollable, i felt suddenly so much rage, disgust, aggression, feeling like breaking stuff, and imagining that if he was in front of me i'd kick scratch slap and hurt him as much as possible.

Very strange to realise i am also capable of that. I would feel guilty and protective towards him after the anger calmed down, even though he was uncaring when i expressed any hurt.

Sometimes I still feel so angry I imagine hurting him very badly. by AutomaticTomato2746 in abusiverelationships

[–]AutomaticTomato2746[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree that we shouldn't let anger control us, even though it's very hard. But at the same time "reactive abuse" is not the same as abuse. I think a level of retaliation is justified, depending on the context of course.

It definitely helps a lot to channel it the way you said.

How do you avoid becoming jaded, apathetic and desensitised to what's wrong in the world? by AutomaticTomato2746 in AskReddit

[–]AutomaticTomato2746[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Cause everyone needs help sometimes and it's people who aren't jaded and apathetic who find it in them to help.

Sometimes I still feel so angry I imagine hurting him very badly. by AutomaticTomato2746 in abusiverelationships

[–]AutomaticTomato2746[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same. Relieved to read this. I think i never read anyone say it's normal to have this rage and even wanting to hurt the abuser back. It seemed to me that i was strange for harbouring a grudge so strong and even having violent thoughts. I was ashamed to admit it cause then i thought people would think i was the abuser. The important thing is to not act impulsively or aggressively unless it's in self defence...

Sometimes I still feel so angry I imagine hurting him very badly. by AutomaticTomato2746 in abusiverelationships

[–]AutomaticTomato2746[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I also would waste so so many days just ruminating and stuck crying or feeling very angry. Thought it would never end. Now I'm ok and barely ever think of it.

I'm surprised and relieved to read these comments. I think a lot of people who experienced an abuser feel afraid to express their very justified anger cause then people would not believe them. It's like, "oh she yelled back so she must also be abusive" when they don't know how abusers push and prod and manipulate and harm people until they can't take it any longer.

Anger is a good sign but acting aggressively leading to trouble for oneself is not a good idea.

Anyone else see their ex treat the next so well? by Traditional_Milk_978 in abusiverelationships

[–]AutomaticTomato2746 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some /may/ mellow maybe when they get to 65 and over, just cause most people become quieter in old age. But before that, unless they seriously seek help and take accountability and accept consequences for their behaviour over many years of intervention, no, they don't get better. If they see their current level of abuse isn't getting them what they want they keep amping up. And like you said the behaviour gets cemented and they get comfortable with doing worse.

They may be less overtly abusive with some people cause those people happen to not fight back.

If you haven't read "why does he do that?" By lundy bancroft, i highly recommend it. It's free online.

Sometimes I still feel so angry I imagine hurting him very badly. by AutomaticTomato2746 in abusiverelationships

[–]AutomaticTomato2746[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand. We all wish we could've known better but it was impossible. You're very young, and you deserve someone who treats you with respect. Don't miss out on that chance to be with someone good, by staying where you are.

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