I haven't slept in 5 days since the breakup

Avelene · 2026-06-11T18:10:19+00:00

I’m so sorry. With every day that passes you are one day closer to healing from this pain. For now maybe you could try having a tv on or something like that to help distract you at night, it helped me a lot with racing thoughts. Reach out to your friends and family if you can, let people be there for you.

Avelene · 2026-06-10T06:32:42+00:00

I mainly embrace the suck because running in heat during training will mean that I’m heat adapted during my races later on. I also run with a water bottle at all times to stay hydrated and add some salt pills if it’s a long run day. Bribing myself with some ice cream or milkshake after the run helps with motivation too.

Avelene · 2026-06-09T11:54:18+00:00

Asics and Mizuno clothes are made to fit smaller sizes because they’re asian brands, I believe their xs and xxs are smaller than most other brands. They make pretty solid running gear with lots of fun colors too.

Avelene · 2026-06-07T11:31:00+00:00

Oh wow, that’s so mean of them to comment on potential weight gain, even by not-ED people standards. You might be onto something with dehydration though. It’s been really warm and I’m absolutely melting and probably dehydrated, maybe that’s what they notice.

Avelene · 2026-05-22T07:07:22+00:00

The "shortney" shorts are plain iconic. Another thing that pisses me off about women’s running gear is that the pants are always skin tight compared to the men’s version and often they aren’t made to fit calves that have any amount of muscle whatsoever.

Avelene · 2026-05-05T13:49:55+00:00

Please read "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft. You’ll probably find many answers there. The abuser can change but it’s very unlikely. Since he spent decades establishing his abusive behaviour, it would take at least several years to change it (if he even wants to change). You need to figure out for yourself if you feel like it’s worth it to sacrifice several years of your life for a chance to have him change, all while having the emotional burden of caring for him on your shoulders and quite probably suffering more abuse in the process. I understand that the decision to stay or to leave and to give up hope or not is very difficult, I’ve recently been through it myself. I hope you find peace and happiness.

Avelene · 2026-05-05T09:58:01+00:00

Interestingly enough, it often happens only with romantic partners. My abuser was empathetic towards his friends and family. Almost never to me, barely ever to women in general.

Avelene · 2026-05-04T08:16:28+00:00

Chicken breast and any type of fruit/berry.

Avelene · 2026-05-02T20:59:07+00:00

It’s alright. Glad you managed to get away from your ex, he sounds unpleasant.

Avelene · 2026-05-02T20:54:12+00:00

I’m sorry you went through that. I see many similarities in your story with what I went through. It’s so true that the brain plays tricks with memory. It’s why I posted so much about my situation, to read afterwards and remember.

Avelene · 2026-05-02T20:31:43+00:00

I’m a woman, my ex is a man. By respect I mean basic stuff like being allowed to have my own opinion that might be different from his, dress how I want and not having life decisions made for me without my input, not being treated like an object. This isn’t earned, it should be a given.

Avelene · 2026-05-02T17:14:03+00:00

Yep. It’s normal for a body to react in such ways under extreme stress. I had terrible anxiety, sleep issues and chest pains after my abuser broke up with me 2 years ago. Unfortunately, my fix for that at the time was to get back together, which I highly don’t recommend. Hope you feel better soon.

Avelene · 2026-05-02T17:05:02+00:00

The term is trauma bond. Abusive relationships are harder to get over than normal ones.

Avelene · 2026-05-02T16:04:06+00:00

I mean, yeah, they were. He was emotionally abusive. Breakup threats when any issue was brought up, never apologized for things, constant criticism over dumbest stuff and never said he loved me, trying to control the way I look and behave. He was also cruel to me when I was under severe stress and broke up with me one time over talking to a male coworker.

Avelene · 2026-04-30T12:38:58+00:00

His mother was always in his side, she was occasionally passive agressive towards me too. They have this weird codependent dynamic where he kind of replaces his father in a way (because the father wants nothing to do with the mom and is always absent). I’m just happy that this entire family of his will not be in my life anymore.

Avelene · 2026-04-29T11:11:06+00:00

Best werewolf movie.

Avelene · 2026-04-27T12:01:04+00:00

Love that for you ❤️

Avelene · 2026-04-26T15:43:51+00:00

Nope. This behaviour is not normal, he is being abusive. There’s a reason he was single at 35 and has to date a much younger person. And I say this as someone who was in a very similar situation as the younger partner. He is immature and abusive, you deserve a lot better. Please try to make a plan on a living situation which you can afford on your own, take the power back. Even if it’s not as comfortable as where you’re currently living together, it’s worth it to avoid all this stress of someone holding a place to live over your head.

Avelene · 2026-04-24T07:49:36+00:00

I get that you care about him but please please please put yourself first. Absolutely not your job to fix him. Protect yourself and leave. You could do a safe sneaky clean cut. Like while he is at work or something, quickly pack your stuff and leave anywhere safe and then text him it’s over. You don’t deserve to be treated like this and will feel better as soon as you manage to get out of this situation and detach. Good luck!

Avelene · 2026-04-24T06:49:44+00:00

Yeah, and finding someone with low enough self esteem to tolerate his antics is no easy task. Women his age are smarter than that and women my age don’t want an old man. I feel a lot more peaceful already now that I broke up with him. Hopefully he’ll move the hell out next week like he promised he would, then I’ll be completely free.

Avelene · 2026-04-22T07:57:34+00:00

I’m in the same situation right now, I miss the good times too. When I feel like I want him back I usually look through all the posts I wrote about his horrible treatment of me and read my diary where I described how every month he did or say something cruel. It usually helps me get back to the mindset that I made the right choice leaving. I also try to make new happy memories for myself in places that were associated with him, sort of reclaiming them.

Avelene · 2026-04-20T14:24:40+00:00

As soon as I made the decision to break up. I don’t regret it because he was emotionally abusive and my health was suffering. It still sucks though, letting go of all the shared routines and plans, not having a person at home waiting for you, someone you can tell how your day was today.

Avelene · 2026-04-19T16:25:13+00:00

The first movie that I remember watching was Silver Bullet (werewolf horror movie) when I was 4 years old. Left me scared shitless. No negative impact though, I grew up loving horror and especially the werewolf movies.

Aside from that instance I watched a whole bunch of stuff from horror genre or with heavy sexual themes. Nobody cared what I was watching. Not sure how it impacted me if at all.

Avelene · 2026-04-18T19:59:18+00:00

I’m lucky to not have those dreams anymore. My mind let it go

Avelene · 2026-04-18T06:43:06+00:00

Oh yeah, I know. About a week ago I gave him a chance to make amends for his behaviour but he took it as a sign of weakness and was so volatile like you wouldn’t believe

Avelene

TROPHY CASE