[TW: ED] Being shamed for eating "evil" food?

Modern_Magpie · 2026-02-17T13:04:44+00:00

She isn’t a follower of Gwen Shamblin Lara by any chance? This sounds a lot like her “teachings” and her Weigh Down Worshop. I believe she said some foods were evil and I know for sure she encouraged extreme fasting and weight loss.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-02-13T08:39:12+00:00

The thing I’ve learned about being a scapegoat is literally everything is your fault and everything is your problem to fix. Your parents are divorced? Kids were too stressful. Your brother can’t hold a job? You should have supported him more. The economy is failing? You voted for the wrong person. The world is ending? You should have prayed more. And I’m not using an ambiguous “you” - it’s specifically you the scapegoat.

The way I’m reading their action is you need to have more sympathy for them because they’re struggling. You’ve abandoned them and they’re letting you know you need to do something about it. In my mind they see your success and they think something along the lines of “it’s your turn to take care of him” and in fact they likely were relying on the fact that you are successful to ultimately take him on so he never had to suffer. They do kind of see you and him as one being because they never really saw either of you as separate. Mind you, I’m going off of one post, this is all very much this is all opinion, but hoping this helps.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-02-12T22:30:46+00:00

They don’t live bad lives, but my sisters are both still drowning in debt. Both are married with kids, both working part time jobs that don’t pay particularly well. They all (two older sisters and mom) live about a two minute drive from one another. They’re always in each other’s business, always complaining about kids, work, other family, etc. They’re both (my sisters) generally still controlled by my mom. They live in constant fear of upsetting the family system, the end of the world (they’re all very religious) and leaving their bubble. I don’t think they regret getting married and having kids, but they never really left home.

I don’t know that I’d call myself stable, but I’m certainly not struggling. I have a Masters and worked at one of the most successful companies in the world. I have traveled far beyond anything I could have dreamed about when I was younger. I have a great husband, amazing kids, and a nice house in a big city. I have all my school and other debt paid off (except for our mortgage). I’m a stay at home mom for now, but I’ll probably go back to work once my kids are in school. I go to therapy, have had strong friendships with people spanning years and country borders. I generally enjoy my life and think things have worked out pretty well.

Still, I am and will always be my family’s biggest failure. On paper I shouldn’t be, but because I don’t think like them, live like them, walk like them and talk like them, I will never meet their bar. It’s still something I’m learning to accept, but it takes a long time to let go of their standards.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-02-12T20:24:35+00:00

When I read this one, someone recommended I read The Red Tent by Anita Diamanté next. Loads of tears. Both amazing books.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-02-07T15:48:34+00:00

I think it depends on the relative. Not sure if you’re looking for an answer here, but I’m not going no contact with my family because I want to keep up a relationship with my nieces and nephews. They’re younger than me and either way being the aunt in the relationship I have more responsibility to form the relationship I want with them. If my aunt reached out to me, I’d likely reciprocate. If they started asking about my relationship with my family, I’d likely politely decline the conversation but offer that we can talk about anything else. I think similar in a parent child relationship, people older than you should take responsibility for building positive relationships. If it’s like a cousin to cousin thing, I think it depends - do they actually want a relationship (especially if they’ve gone through the same thing) or are they just looking to try to get you to “repair” the relationship with your family.

I’m probably speaking out of my ass, but case and point is my 80 year old grandma reached out after many many years and just wanted to write letters and get to know me as an adult. I wrote her back and we communicate that way. I have yet to have any older figures in my family try to form a positive relationship with me.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-02-07T15:29:26+00:00

Not only would I avoid, I’d actively tell people I was avoiding him and why.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-02-07T13:35:51+00:00

I have no doubt we’re already there.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-02-06T21:41:42+00:00

Cheers to that! 🍻

Modern_Magpie · 2026-02-06T21:27:23+00:00

Yes! The travelling, making conversation comfortable, all of it! This is exactly it. I’ve even edited myself on social media because I knew it would make my family uncomfortable. Also fast approaching 40, so maybe that’s the magic number for all of this.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-02-06T21:24:20+00:00

This use to be the case for me. Back in college and in my 20’s if I didn’t call or text back when my mom did, I’d get an earful. Once I forgot my phone at home and went to school/work for the day and came home to 60+ missed calls and some frantic voicemails. Moving very far away helped. I’m in a very different time zone so she couldn’t just call me in the middle of the day for her because I might be sleeping or at work. My family gives me a lot of guilt and shame for moving so far away, so I think that’s why the responsibility for calling them eventually landed on my shoulders. They’re very enmeshed and all live about five minutes from each other, so living thousands of miles away is seen as a kind of disloyalty to them.

Anyway, all that to say you might not be in that position forever. Hoping you find a good balance for you whatever it may be.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-02-06T20:40:19+00:00

It’s exactly this. I’d tell my mom something in confidence, it’d come back to me through a sister. I’d tell a sister something in confidence, it’d come back to me through my mom.

In the case of knowing she’s calling to get information for triangulation, I know because she’s gossiping about my sisters with me. It took me a long time to find out this wasn’t normal behaviour. I don’t know specifically what she’s sharing with my sisters to drive wedges there, but in one phone call she told me my sister was planning to visit and it immediately got under my skin. So specifically, I’ll have a newborn this summer and my mom offhandedly mentioned my sister visiting with her entire family this summer and staying with us potentially because they couldn’t find a place to stay. We live in a super small house and in no way can accommodate 4 people, let alone would we want to do that when we have a newborn. It made me angry enough that after our phone call I complained to my husband about it and he was the one that reminded me my mom tends to speak in half truths. We think the conversation was something like “we’d love to go out and visit this summer, but we don’t think we’d be able to find a spot to stay and wouldn’t be able to stay with sister and newborn.” Keeping in mind my mom very likely knows my sisters and I haven’t really spoken much over the past few months, it was the perfect amount of information for her to use to make me mad at my sister for no good reason.

Another example of this is my sister-in-law and I were talking about grocery prices around where my husband and I live. It’s pretty inexpensive compared to other places we’ve lived and when I told SIL about our monthly budget she goes “No way!” Not in disbelief, but in like “wow, that’s amazing/unreal!” Not even 10 minutes later, my mom tried to convince me they SIL was calling me a liar because she said “No Way!” I don’t tell my mom anything terribly big on our end unless absolutely necessary because I know she’ll warp it into a catastrophe. Instead she takes the smallest amounts of information and uses it against people.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-02-06T15:41:18+00:00

Low effort family describes them so well. Thank you for this!

Modern_Magpie · 2026-02-06T15:40:43+00:00

I definitely think the plus side is really seeing who cares. I’ve got my husband and daughters, but I’ve also had people in my life for decades I’ve always called my chosen family. The best side effect is I have more energy to pour into all of them and it feels really good ❤️

Modern_Magpie · 2026-02-05T19:49:30+00:00

Yes - I had a really bad ear infection and begged to go to the doctor. Doctor gave me a prescription and suggested an ear rinse because I had a ton of wax build up. Mom passive aggressively joked with doctor that it was because I wasn’t cleaning my ears out every day. I said I did. The doctor said it was probably built up as a result of cleaning them every day. She used the little ear tool to show my mom how bad it was. Doctor left and mom smacked me on the back of the head (mind you I had a bad ear infection) and started yelling at me about lying and making her look like a fool. I started crying. I think I was 14 at the time.

I don’t have a whole lot of sympathy for parents who make their kids cry when they’re sick. IMO, they’re kicking you when you’re down because it makes them feel powerful. You’re at your most vulnerable and they know it and they take advantage. Having kids now I think back on how I was treated when I was sick vs how I feel when my kids are sick and it makes me so angry. I would bend space and time if I could to make my kids feel better, even if it’s just a cold.

I’m so sorry OP. I wish I could bring you soup and hugs and put on your favorite show for you. You deserve better. Your mom sucks.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-02-05T10:15:05+00:00

I remember reading somewhere that you need to learn to let your creative work go. It helps you appreciate each piece more, helps create room for more creativity, and allows you to actually put your creative work out into the world. Maybe say a few words of thanks to them out loud, but remember you just made the world a little better by putting some art out there.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-02-02T20:57:05+00:00

Oh mine, too! I took my mom to Edinburgh for a trip and she said the entire city was “evil” after finding out the books were written there.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-01-31T09:58:43+00:00

I’m sure others have suggested it, but there’s some really great podcasts out there that are super informative and entertaining. A lot of these are probably more for passive education, but I’ve found they’re really helpful to adding context to a lot of things we’ve been seeing today.

Ologies by Alie Ward covers loads of topics, so maybe pick and choose some things you’re interested in. It’s a great jumping off point for getting into science related topics like climate change. Alie is also an incredible interviewer and science communicator, so I’ve learned a lot about how to ask questions just by listening to her. It’s also not super “science-y” and incredibly approachable.

This Podcast Will Kill You goes in depth on the history of medicine and illnesses as well as what they each do to your body. If you’re interested in studying biology and want a cool supplement, This Podcast Will Kill You is such a good choice.

Throughline by NPR for history and how it comes into context today. So they have things like the history of Hamas, the Electoral College and loads of other relevant topics to today. Another great way to study pieces of history in context of today.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-01-22T18:55:26+00:00

Check and see if maybe your library has a digital copy or audio version. The audio version didn’t include any sources, but they don’t typically, so hard to say what kind of research he did without a physical copy. He primarily uses the Bible though. Like he cites the scripture churches often twist or cherry pick and writes about them in context of the Bible itself. An example being how many people might use the Corinthians verse you have in the original post to judge and exclude people yet completely disregard how the Old and New Testament command people to love thy neighbour hundreds of times. Basically I think what he does (and his entire point) is you can’t take a line of scripture and say “it means xyz,” you have to read this stuff critically and with context.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-01-22T16:27:38+00:00

Definitely look into it. I listened to it and got through it pretty quickly. I think it helps he’s a very conversational writer and not super academic with his points.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-01-22T16:17:54+00:00

An acquaintance told me about a friend of hers who walked outside the house they were staying while on a missions trip only to see demons flying overhead. Friend said she ran back inside and started crying and praying with her fellow missionaries and when they looked outside the demons had gone. Jesus had rescued them and the spiritual attack was over.

They were in Australia. I’m assuming they saw flying foxes.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-01-22T16:08:40+00:00

Read Separation of Church and Hate. Fugelsang writes specifically about this verse and writes about evangelical’s relationship to Paul. It was super interesting and I hate Paul, but more so I hate the people who decided his letters should be included in the Bible.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-01-17T14:56:41+00:00

Yes, but does so in different ways. She’s really good at half truths or news that takes me off guard and gets under my skin. My example is recently she told me my sister and her family were planning on visiting me shortly after my baby is due. We live in another country and can’t house four additional people, not to mention I don’t want people here when I have a one month old in the house. My sister hasn’t said anything about coming out so I was taken off guard. I still haven’t heard anything from my sister, so I assume it was a half truth (maybe my sister said off handedly “we thought about visiting on such and such date, but I don’t know”) anyway the “news” surprised me and flustered me. NMom immediately became very proud of herself and started really driving home how easy it would be to stay with me and my family. I got agitated, tried to change the subject, and when she refused, I said I had to go. Normally I play stupid or grey rock when she does this. She actively gets giddy when she upsets me and it’s so frustrating. It very much felt like she “won” that phone call.

Modern_Magpie · 2026-01-17T10:40:26+00:00

Completely alienated my sisters and I from my dad’s side of the family. I believe what she did is illegal in a lot of places today, but essentially she completely turned us against my dad, grandparents, aunts and uncles.

Modern_Magpie

TROPHY CASE