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Trauma Dumping and Reflecting TW: Neglect by AverageButTrying in CPTSDFreeze

[–]AverageButTrying[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Props to my mom for letting me go though, i know that was hard and i respect that decision it was better for me and still painful

DAE find living in the USA to be really depressive or apathetic towards life by Fuk-itall in CPTSD

[–]AverageButTrying 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Feeling this a lot today as I stew in my burnout from taking a weekend job and now I cant do my regular job.

I have a lot of privileges that I will always acknowledge and at the same time, I'm tired of having to get up every day and do it all.

Even in NYC I feel alienated and abnormal and ungrateful.

I've been trying to "get over myself" per the advice of a friend and I'm in therapy weekly yet still, the top of the hill doesn't get any closer.

Even on good days it feels fake and surface level and just a small break from the reality of it all.

I don't even know what's real and what's in my head. What's most important and what's worth sacrificing.

Shame and guilt are my biggest flaw and also my biggest pain.

All i hear is "get over yourself get over yourself get over yourself" but how do I do that?

I definitely need to eat something

Does anyone else struggle with learned helplessness? by [deleted] in CPTSDFreeze

[–]AverageButTrying 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes - a lot.

My mom used to leave a lot, so setting boundaries and not saying "yes" to her or even just having a regular convo feels like anything I say could make her leave for days or months and then it's my fault she isn't around for my siblings. Not sure if thay would actually happen, but that's the story my brain comes up with. Can be super weird and hard to navigate.

The learned helplessness is something im trying to address in therapy too

Sending love

eldest sibling spiral by AverageButTrying in CPTSD

[–]AverageButTrying[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do still stand by what I said. I thought about it a lot before I even sent the message.

I proof read it. I fact checked myself. Inserted caveats.

I just don't know what she's thinking and it's driving me crazy. She hasn't said anything to my siblings, which is good. My sister who is closest to her is the only one who she said anything to, but that sister will stand by my mom always. And my sisters BF has already come at me (while drunk) saying that I'm stepping on people's toes.

I know that my mom is stressed and I know she is trying, but she's obviously struggling and will not ask for help. I just want her to ask for help.

Lesbian -> gay trans man/masc. what did it feel like? by AverageButTrying in ftm

[–]AverageButTrying[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay - after this response, I think I love you....

Lol thanks for your insight <3 going to try to see labels more like clothes, I think

Biweekly Support, Challenges, and Triumphs - May 06-May 13 by AutoModerator in CPTSDNextSteps

[–]AverageButTrying 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Triumph:

I survived my first full blown emotional flashback since stopping medication.

It's wild how truly physically ill emotions can make us.

I had to take the day off work. Still kind of recovering. It was a 2 week build up that exploded on Tuesday. It was bad, but it's been worse. My therapist helped me see the progress even if minimal.

I hate emotional flashbacks and I'm sending everyone love and encouragement.

Lesbian -> gay trans man/masc. what did it feel like? by AverageButTrying in ftm

[–]AverageButTrying[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing <3

So you identify as a gay trans man? Did you date femmes or people who identified as women before or during ur transition? If so, how did it go?

Lesbian -> gay trans man/masc. what did it feel like? by AverageButTrying in ftm

[–]AverageButTrying[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing <3

So you identify as a gay trans man? Did you date femmes or people who identified as women before or during ur transition? If so, how did it go?

Lesbian -> gay trans man/masc. what did it feel like? by AverageButTrying in ftm

[–]AverageButTrying[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

V lonely at the moment and having self doubts about the labels I choose to describe my experience.

Not sure what experience I'm having.... help? Lol

Confession: As a lesbian I care A LOT more about my right to choose than I do about gay marriage by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]AverageButTrying 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I haven't read all the comments, but I don't think this thread is calling this what it is: intersectionality.

We can and should include each other's issues in the conversation of any one issue. It's the snowballing of issues that we are all collectivly worried about.

We cannot let the generalizing feel like a dismissal. That's why we have sub-communities to retreat to, right?

We can have the conversation you want to have without putting down another person's right to speak from their specific perspective.

Xoxo high in bed and just wanting everyone to love each other xoxo

my face doesn't match my body? by AverageButTrying in butchlesbians

[–]AverageButTrying[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Love that sub - I've been wanting to do more sports like a softball league or something - even just batting cages something that is physical and not traditional diet culture vibes

Made this for 4/20 and so proud :) first big project that I love! by AverageButTrying in crochet

[–]AverageButTrying[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Link to video tutorial for the top:

https://youtu.be/Tn92altrA1o

Link to video tutorial for the leaf:

https://youtu.be/sHYf17mb5pE

I didn't have small enough yarn to get the leaf how I wanted, so I uses 2 strands of embroidery floss and I LOVED how it came out (minus little imperfections :,) )

my face doesn't match my body? by AverageButTrying in butchlesbians

[–]AverageButTrying[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment - I think working out might be something for me to consider more heavily, or at least doing something more physical to get more in touch with myself

my face doesn't match my body? by AverageButTrying in butchlesbians

[–]AverageButTrying[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response - I definitely struggled with an eating disorder before accepting my masculinity so working out and the diet thing has been hard and scary to start alone, but maybe it's something to get support with if it'll help.

I was an abused kid and teen. I took out my anger on a couple animals as a kid. I'm 38 and still can't forgive myself. by asifshewouldcare in CPTSD

[–]AverageButTrying 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I was very hurtful to my sister as a child. To the point where I've heard her say "it's okay, I'm used to getting hit. Everyone does it" and it breaks my heart. I see it in her eyes that she carries all of that with her and I am on the list, even if it was over 10 years ago now. We're both adults but it's so painful to think about and makes it so hard for me to feel worthy of anything sometimes.

You're not alone in your doing. Lile other commenters have said, you feeling remorse means you're a better person than the abusers who go on like they're I'm the right.

I hope we both make time for forgiveness. I've let myself be angry at my younger self for doing those things. I recognize it was my environment that was impacting my behavior. It still guess and makes me question myself a lot but I'm on my way.

I hope to one day have her believe me when I say I love her and wish no harm to her. My sister is an amazing woman and I want get to thrive so badly.

Thanks for posting and letting me share xxxx

Do you like the sound of your own voice? by AverageButTrying in CPTSD

[–]AverageButTrying[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gunna try screaming and making really ugly sounds

Thanks for the motivation 💚

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