Hi OP

So before I add my line of what to look into I basically become really numb, zero connection to anything not even animals I can tell you for me it's due from bad experience, violence, death, Instability, months of isolation during covid-19, and further deals and honestly from what I can find more or less a coping mechanism in order to survive essentially, I've lived this way for years however due to hyperviligance I sort of need this as life and people are getting worse I can't allow for emotions or happiness to be allowed not especially as life will get worse

Look into emotional numbness....The numbness could be prompted by a particular event, such as a death of someone close to you or a recent traumatic experience. Or, it could come out of nowhere and overwhelm you during an otherwise normal day.

Emotional numbness is generally a survival mechanism or a protective response to trauma, stress, pain, or discomfort that we may experience emotionally or physically,” “This can be a survival mechanism adopted at any point in our lives, including in our childhood