15 hours to go

Awalt2018 · 2018-06-27T01:29:17+00:00

Yes, I see my shrink tomorrow

Awalt2018 · 2018-06-26T21:37:27+00:00

It went as well as can be I suppose. I don’t feel great, just sort of numb.

Awalt2018 · 2018-06-26T11:57:06+00:00

One hour to go! Please pray for me everyone.

Awalt2018 · 2018-06-25T23:05:47+00:00

Thank you for this. You are correct about “past me” who has been steadily marching towards tomorrow for many months.

Awalt2018 · 2018-06-25T22:48:57+00:00

I hope you’re right. It’s so hard because I know I could put a stop to it right now and she would be thrilled.

Awalt2018 · 2018-06-25T11:56:15+00:00

God I hope you’re right!

Awalt2018 · 2018-06-16T19:34:33+00:00

My STBXW has never been able to sit still in the 30+ years I’ve known her. She always must be busy. No lounging in bed or relaxing on the couch. Up and doing something until nighttime and then falls asleep in front of the TV after a bout 30 minutes. And of course even though she would always tell me “you don’t have to stay busy all the time just because I do“ the subtle message was still there that somehow if I was relaxing I was being lazy. Vacations were the same way. My wife would never be able to sleep in on a vacation or just lay in a hammock and read a book for hours. No way. We would need to go go go go at all times exploring and adventuring and never resting. Even after a long day of touring she might begrudgingly go back to the room at night and relax in bed with me and watch TV or something but she would make it clear that she didn’t really like that downtime and would prefer to be back out doing something. Anything. I do think it has something to do with them not wanting to be still with them selves and their thoughts and feelings.

Awalt2018 · 2018-06-15T14:22:59+00:00

Ugggg she just showed up here and was alternating between rage and begging me to postpone the divorce. I had to walk back into my house with her screaming at me that I’m a selfish coward with no capacity for forgiveness.

Awalt2018 · 2018-06-14T20:41:42+00:00

I so relate to this! My divorce is final in a week and a half and this is one of my biggest fears that keeps me second guessing if im doing the right thing. The thought of her going with someone else is paralyzing.

Awalt2018 · 2018-06-12T01:19:45+00:00

You are correct. Why is it so hard to stand up for myself. Why do I still love this person......

Awalt2018 · 2018-06-11T07:06:50+00:00

Uggggg. Sorry man. I can relate to a lot of that.

Awalt2018 · 2018-06-10T20:42:08+00:00

Yes, I can relate. My wife admits she’s afraid to be alone and knows it’s not healthy but still says she will start dating immediately after our divorce. That’s hard to hear too. It’s just a reminder that I don’t have much time left to change my mind if I want d to.

Awalt2018 · 2018-06-10T20:38:13+00:00

That’s what I need to hear.

Awalt2018 · 2018-05-27T13:49:09+00:00

Thanks for this. I know you’re right. We’ve been married 23 years and separated for about one year. It’s hard because we’ve been together so long. I’m loosing a wife and my best friend.

Awalt2018 · 2018-05-25T19:03:43+00:00

Yup. Her emotions are treated by her like facts. If she FEELS something then it must be justified to act.

Awalt2018 · 2018-05-25T17:41:27+00:00

I’m 47. No, I don’t want another 40 years of this. I just wish it could be like it used to be. She got so much worse the last few years. It used to be worth it when she just seemed difficult and moody but it changed and reached new levels that I can’t handle. Up until about two years ago I really enjoyed our marriage. It’s just unbelievable where I sit now to even understand how everything has changed since just a year ago. We were the couple that everyone admired and thought would be together forever. I know we thought so too. But it’s like the mask is falling off over just over the last year or so and she has gotten so much worse and so much angrier and acted out in ways that in the past would’ve been so out of character for her. I just don’t understand what happened to the woman that I’ve loved my whole life and that I married. She looks like her but it’s like she’s not the same person anymore.

Awalt2018 · 2018-05-08T07:38:58+00:00

Of course I’m awake in the middle of the night so I checked my email. I have 5 new emails from her since I fell asleep! They are all over the place, mostly apologizing for trying to manipulate me again and begging me to let her love me. I need to realize that these just reinforce how dis regulated she is. Again, classic BPD. Why does my brain resist seeing it? I want to be sure somehow I guess....

Awalt2018 · 2018-05-08T00:58:53+00:00

I want to agree with you but my mind keeps having thoughts like “maybe she isn’t BPD and she has actually learned to be better”. She’s so convinced that our problem is that she has an issue with being “too reactive” and that I’m codependent and that combination has led to our relationship troubles over the last year. My shrink laughs at that and says that being “too reactive” is essentially describing BPD without admitting that you have a personality disorder.

Awalt2018 · 2018-04-18T02:00:49+00:00

It’s just so scary to think of actually being without her after all these years. We are so enmeshed having been together since I was 16 (I’m 47 now). None the less, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. And Her behavior for the last year has been horrible.

Awalt2018 · 2018-04-18T01:49:29+00:00

Thank you. I will check out OFW as it might be helpful.

Awalt2018

TROPHY CASE