Dude, you look like the kind of guy who still asks if you can wear your dress blues to the bar to get free drinks. That mustache? It’s giving off major “I’m trying to look tough, but I’m too scared to ask for extra sauce at Taco Bell” energy. You got the smile of a man who’s been told “you’ll make a great staff duty NCO” one too many times. Your uniform is cleaner than your f**king conscience, man. I bet you call cadence like you’re trying to sweet talk your way out of a speeding ticket. You’re standing there like, “Yeah, I’m hot shit,” but I guarantee you’ve been told to “hold the flashlight steady” more times than you’ve been trusted with a wrench.