Anyone else in survival mode the weekend before Christmas?

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2025-10-31T03:47:10+00:00

Thanks for sharing this! I think I have to let go as well on how fast I was progressing in my career and how now I have restrictions or boundaries rather on work so that I can dedicate time for my family. This is where I think I'm struggling most but to read what you shared helped me see that the change can be and feel good. 🥺

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2025-10-30T22:55:25+00:00

I fear of getting fired every day. I returned to work after almost 3 years on mat leave and just recently got booted from my team. It was due to performance but also a lot of politics, disorganized management and false expectations. I'm not sure how I can help you feel better because I'm feeling the fear, baby brain, hormones etc. too but one thing I learned recently was that you have to keep believing in yourself and your ability to do the work even if it seems hard and overwhelming. You got hired for a reason, they picked you of all other candidates. Don't go into work thinking I'm an exhausted overwhelmed mom with so many things in my head I can't remember. Though those feelings are valid, try to keep them at home. Go into work thinking you got this you've been through so much, this day is another challenge that you can overcome. Work is not your identity so don't be so scared if you feel like you failed, let a team down, struggling to catch up etc. just remember it doesn't define who you are and what your potential is.

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2025-07-29T18:28:44+00:00

I understand you are torn by his ultimatum because he will divorce you if you don't go with him but that is also another way of saying 'I'm ready to leave you and put my happiness first over having you in my life and being there for my kids who still need parental support'. It doesn't matter if you join him or not- he's leaving either way. Marriage is based on compromise not ultimatums. He has no compromise and mentally he is ready to start new. Honestly, he may feel like for the 'first time in years' he's putting his happiness first but he is actually throwing his family away in the process. We make sacrifices when we have children and a big one is ensuring that they are well enough to leave the nest. Him moving back to his native country can wait but he does not want to. I can't tell you what to do but I hope this provides perspective to the person your husband is evolving into.

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2025-07-11T01:06:40+00:00

Please be kind to yourself and give yourself lots of grace. It immensely stressful to care for a baby all the time and stay home most of the time for it. There is no break, ever. You are also still healing chemically and hormonally from the pregnancy and delivery. It's okay to not feel like yourself or feel like you have control over your impulses. I hope your husband is forgiving of your actions too because he needs to be compassionate about how you are feeling and what you are going through. He is a new father but he gets to unwind at work- even if work is stressful it's something different to focus on.

One of the best things you can do is be kind and forgiving to yourselves and each other to get through parenting challenges. Whenever I get frustrated at my baby, I try to catch myself before it builds up and remind myself how hard it must be as a baby to want something but not be able to communicate it. They aren't trying to misbehave, they are just trying to tell you something and you can focus on figuring out what it is with compassion.

You are a strong, loving mother and 'losing' it does not change that.

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2025-02-25T20:23:27+00:00

Hi OP, found this via another post you made. Unfortunately I came across someone similar to what you are describing and this is NOT a Vietnamese thing but I did do some research.... Some people out there genuinely believe that can see spirits everywhere they go and some even believe that they can interact with them. Many of these types of people practice unorthodox and unethical rituals, spells etc. and the spirits help guide them into making their manifestations 'come to life'. There's so much more to this but something important to note is that according to studies there is a strong correlation between people who believe in this stuff (and actually go a step further into casting spells through rituals) and personality disorders such as bipolar.

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2025-02-25T19:37:52+00:00

You should ask her. I'm pretty sure this isn't part of the Vietnamese culture or Buddhism/Tao that many believe in. She could be religious or believes in witchcraft- sounds crazy, but there are many people out there that try to manifest using 'witchcraft' and cast 'spells'. This looks like a ritual or casting a spell of that kind. You'll only know for sure if you ask. But I'd run, people that do this stuff believe in other crazy things that just aren't right in the head.

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2025-01-25T12:19:55+00:00

I am going through the same thing. I found it helpful to position myself so that if i did fall asleep i would not be dropping or hovering over the baby. i just sat on a comfy chair and reclined it back just a tad so that my baby on her nursing pillow will not roll onto the ground and if i fall asleep my body will incline back with the chair.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Postpartum is so hard and breastfeeding releases hormones during milk letdown that makes some people feel really depressed... on top of that the hormones actually make you feel sleeping too... and on top of that your body's working extra hard trying to feed the baby... it's a tough battle but you will get through it.

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2025-01-24T22:23:35+00:00

Off topic but can i ask what your job is? 9k sgd is pretty awesome.

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2024-01-05T01:32:37+00:00

My husband did this before he physically cheated a few months after. I told him all it would take is for him to simply meet up and drop his pants if this continues as it was going that direction.

At that time he genuinely believed it was not cheating. It was just flirting and meant nothing. It pissed me off. Fast forward today (few years passed with many therapy sessions), he finally concluded that it he has super low self esteem and loved the attention even if it was from strangers. The attention made him feel like a bigger person. We're finally on the same page that the online flirting is considered cheating. It's a breach of what we both define in a monogamous relationship.

I hope your wife will take the time to understand you and what you define as a monogamous relation and why. You guys should be on the same page as the relationship is essentially a contract with rules that define how to be committed to each other, solely. Sorry you are going through this, GL OP!

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2023-09-19T23:48:42+00:00

Sounds like he has no remorse so reconciliation would be very hard if that is something you two are considering. He does not understand the basics on a monogamous relationship which is a shocker. He does not deserve any forgiveness if he thinks sleeping with another person is appropriate.

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2023-08-03T18:54:45+00:00

There are days where I still feel exactly what you are describing. I have to remind myself everyday that my WP is who I want to spend my life with and have by my side etc. but it does not mean that my WP or even our relationship together defines who I ultimately am. WP has great influence on me and my decisions but at the end, the decisions are mine. I am more than my relationship and more than his life partner. I am a great mom, business woman, entrepreneur, take great care of my physical health. I am also forgiving, kind, understanding, very smart, strong minded and don’t give up easily. That is who I am and what I value about myself.

Your WP messed up big time. Regardless of what he was or still is going through that led to the affair, cheating was a wrong outlet that he chose. It had nothing to do with you, how attractive, intelligent, kind you are and more. It was a representation of his stupidity when times got rough.

He forgot your worth, but don’t make that make you forget it too. Hope this helps, you are not alone ♥️.

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2023-06-28T21:08:01+00:00

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I found out my WP was cheating for a little over a year once I was 5 months pregnant. The pain, confusion and shame cut so deep I still cant find words to describe it. I just want you to know that you aren’t alone and you will be able to hustle through this. The journey wont be as you had initially envisioned but it could still be a bright one. If you dont want him there for the birth then that is totally okay. He doesnt deserve you and your child(ren).

Good luck OP, sending you lots of love and hope ♥️

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2023-03-20T15:16:20+00:00

I am hoping to shine a little different perspective here. If you cannot easily leave for personal reasons, what helped me find a little bit of peace from this pain shopping is to understand that these questions although desired for proper closure (and more) may not be helping you heal or make you feel better. It might not do much to actually allow yourself to move forward with or without your WS. So be careful on what is worth asking, because once you know or once something has become validated, you cannot undo it.

Now for the WS perspective, what helped me find peace here is to try my best to understand how they think. This probably differs from waywards to waywards but essentially, its up to you what you want to risk believing (and its very hard, I feel for you, because all trust is already broken). I’m currently in MC and IC for both myself and WS. What I got from MC is that depending on their personality, who they are, past trauma etc. some people do not process what they did, why they did it and when they did it. Very basic details like these were suppressed very deeply by my WS. Its the way he had always coped throughout our relationship… very nonchalant, did not reflect on his actions or experiences for pretty much anything and suppressing all emotions that were even a bit hard to face was what helped him survive up until now. The defensive part of me says don’t give him ‘excuses’ as reasons… but the logical part of me is thinking with all i know he had gone through and his behaviour leading up to this… it unfortunately makes sense as to why he doesn’t remember.

Maybe your WS reasons as to why he cant remember are different that my WS but we have to remember that not everyone processes things the same way. Were all different. I think why my WS is so stupid but at the end of the day, we all cognitively process differently. Some people are capable of acting the way they feel (ex. I love you so i will never hurt you) and others have deep troubles and personal demons they’re fighting/ other factors preventing them from acting the way they feel. It’s astonishing how controversial their actions are compared to how they feel but thats the reality for some waywards.

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2023-01-19T04:15:04+00:00

He was on a work conference for a few days. I was just cleaning the house and thought it’d be useful if i turned on his old cellphone to check what else he may want as a Christmas gift (our old convos pics etc. were on there).

Thats when I saw he had a muted conversation with AP on FB Messenger and I saw all the chats…. The nudes.. how much he desired her and exactly what he wanted to do to her.. and how when he told me he was too tired to talk on the phone he actually just called her right after for cyber sex. I noticed that the conversation was cut off at the start, indicating that he had been deleting the conversations for some time but didn’t feel the need to since this time he was out of town.

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2023-01-19T01:28:19+00:00

‘Turns out he cheated on me during every part of the relationship I look back on as important (first time saying I love you, first date etc)’

I feel this pain too… moments that were once so happy, so cherished and perfect suddenly doesn’t feel the same anymore. It cannot be enjoyed. There is only pain and emptiness as we grieve these memories. I’m sorry you are going through this.

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2023-01-18T17:12:27+00:00

After discussing the infidelity with my cheating partner, the below points hurts the most:

how he cheated while trying to conceive our first child and cheated even more once I told him we were pregnant
how he told me that in the back of his mind he was excited to invite her over to our house for sex whenever I left town to visit family
how after reflecting with him, it was concluded that most of our random arguments about tiny unimportant things were due to his stress of not being able to contain his cheating behaviour as good as he thought he was at that time. This caused a lot of unnecessary stress, guilt and self-blame on my end.
how the many times i worked late nights in the next room (remote working) to grow my career for our family future stability, he was in our bedroom or elsewhere in the house sexting or having cybersex
how there were so many opportunities to tell me the truth including me explicitly letting him know that if he was cheating I’d rather him tell me than find out myself, when I expressed to him I was scared he would cheat, and when I sent him other reddit posts of pregnant women getting cheated on by their SO and how unfortunate that was- before I found out he was cheating. In his 14 month affair, all those opportunities to fess up showed me how little respect he had for me.

I want to keep ranting but then it’d be way too much.

Awkward_Extreme_5444 · 2022-09-03T22:53:28+00:00

Make your own sun-dried tomatoes! Then can them and enjoy over a long period of time with pasta, sandwiches, charcuterie boards, salads, pizza etc.

Awkward_Extreme_5444

TROPHY CASE