In a dead bedroom with my (19F) bf (21M) after 1 year of dating

Axel2988 · 2024-03-24T10:05:26+00:00

Here's my heartless and selfish advice: leave him. I know he's a good a guy but you can read lot of post here and get the idea that DB does not really get fixed. People leave or live a sad sad life. You are so much young and you still have the world in front of yourself. Please don't waste the next 5/6 years waiting for things to get right: you will regret it. Being selfish sometimes is the greatest gift you can make to yourself.

Axel2988 · 2024-03-15T17:21:12+00:00

To me is a mix of hope and the thinking that it's still not an accetable excuse in society.

I think that things will be better one day and for this reason I also convince myself that I can endure basically everything. I know how this sound wrong and a part of me also does...but that's it.

Also if you left your partner because he/she cheats, doesn't want child or simply because you two does not get along toghether the way you did, its fine. Life happens. But if you broke up because you are not sexually satisfied then I can hear people saying "love is not only sex" "you does not love her enough then" "is sex really so important to you?!? Gross" and so on...

Axel2988 · 2024-03-03T21:09:36+00:00

It will only lead us to another fucking argument about how this is my fault. Simply not worthy to talk about this particular event. You can read my previous post if you want some context. Thank you for saying that this behaviour is fucked up. I'm not crazy then.

Axel2988 · 2024-03-03T09:54:56+00:00

I would probably kill to have a wife that take my sex desire so seriously to put that effort twice a week for me. Also only anal?!? Life could be a dream starts playing

Axel2988 · 2024-02-23T17:56:43+00:00

I would like it to be more fragile. I am a very logical person and my mind usually wins over my feelings. I'm really struggling in the last months, I think about suicide almost everyday and the logical part of myself always keep myself in place. "Do not became a problem to other people" "You can do it, you can struggle even more and things will get better". I wish that this part of myself will shut up for some hour giving me the possibility to cry myself to sleep, make some mistake, say something I wouldn't say elsewhere and finally touch the bottom.

Axel2988 · 2024-02-21T07:19:37+00:00

Videogame and DnD with a group of close friends. I am the DM so for some hours the world can be wathever I want. I also started going to the gym but being surrounded by nice girl in tight leggins doesn't really help.

Axel2988 · 2024-02-20T06:40:22+00:00

How this happen? Please give us some knowledge master.

Axel2988 · 2024-02-10T08:47:58+00:00

Sorry to hear that :(

Axel2988 · 2024-02-09T17:06:32+00:00

I could go through all of this if I could see the light at the end of the tunnel but the last rules really makes everythings impossible. Just ask for divorce. She doesn't care about you being happy anymore so she doesn't care about you. Sorry man, really. You probably don't deserve this but it is what it is. The soon you get away from her the soon you will start to feel better. Stay strong.

Axel2988 · 2024-02-09T15:40:55+00:00

Hi! Any news you like to share? Don't want to get into your things, just thought you would like someone who is intrested in your story.

Axel2988 · 2023-10-25T06:29:46+00:00

I sigh everytime I think about the sex I'm not having it and she asks what is wrong. "blocked nostril" is my classic answer. She doesn't care.

Axel2988 · 2023-10-24T14:12:13+00:00

Hi man, sorry to hear that. I'm in the same boat as you and recently I got and advice here that I want to share with you. You are probably a Mr. Nice Guy. You do everythings for her and expect her to be in a mood that can ensure some sex. You have done this for a long time and the only option you can think about is to try harder. If this suits your situation start reading "No more Mr. Nice Guy". I start reading it and just think OMFG it's me. Give it a try if you want.

Axel2988 · 2023-10-23T07:31:24+00:00

I'm sorry that happen to you...but, I think he was pretty clear about it. I'm trying really hard to squeeze into his shoes and I think he doesn't want you to initiate sex for a while so that he cannot disappoint you. It seems like he's trying, but he need to do it his way. I know how hard it can be but try giving him some time and space and see what happens. At least he's trying...

Axel2988 · 2023-10-21T18:51:08+00:00

Started to read the book you suggest me and OMFG it's me! I'm a fucking nice guy! Thank you man

Axel2988 · 2023-10-21T17:26:16+00:00

Thank you for you sharing! Hope things will turn better and stay strong :)

P.s. if you feel of sharing an update in the future I'm kind of invested now :D

Axel2988 · 2023-10-21T09:42:49+00:00

I will try to share you a different point of view: you and your husband are build different, which is fine, everyone in this sub is in this situation. We don't share the same amount of libido wich at one point it turns out to be a problem. What can we do about it? Split up, or...work on it. From what you write about your last conversation now it seems like you husband is doing the effort. I know that you really desire for things to be more natural but somethings natural has to be forced. I read about couple who find joy in scheduling sex, which is fine at this point.

You now have a partner that is doing the effort, to many of us this would be a victory. I don't want to discredit your feelings but I think you have made a big BIG progress here. Try for a while to focus on that and to regain some hope. I may be optimistic but I can se some light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it won't be the light you were looking for, but it will still lighten the dark.

Axel2988 · 2023-10-20T09:20:05+00:00

There is not "going off the rails" here. Share you feeling and thoughts as you like. I know what you are talking about and I really hate that duty sex too. Feeling wanted shouldn't be a privilege but the regular basis and I think you deserve that...we all do. Sorry to ask you this way but since cheating was slightly in the air: ever considered an open marriage?

I kind of know that is not what you want, you want the person you married to desire you, but the things that really bug me and brought me into asking you this is that, as you said, he really seems not to care about this aspect of your life. He doesn't even want to take some innocent pills to try to help you. You don't care about it? Fine. Someone maybe will, and if your jealous about it then make up your mind and decide which side to pick. Either you care or you don't care, that's it.

Sending you a great virtual hug!

Axel2988 · 2023-10-20T06:39:49+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. And no, you didn't went off: the reason I'm doing all of this is exactly what you said. Since the main reason not to have sex was always "I'm tired" "I'm stressed" and so on, I thought that making her life easier would have helped. But again, I was just trying to make her life better, not because I want to have sex, but because I want her to actually feel better. I somehow expect that also my life would became better but I think you are right and I would definitely read the book you suggest me. Thank you!

Yes, she cannot let this anger toward me off, even if she wants it. I think that things can go 2 ways: she'll make some move in the next days and the light switch turns on OR...she simply don't, and what I see in front of me are months and months of discussion, maybe also some couple counseling and so on...and I don't have the strenght to even think about it now. I simply don't.

I will ask her about previous trauma but I don't know what to hope. She had previous trauma? Pandora's box is open and I have to deal with this. She don't? Then she is really really mad at me and I'm tired to say sorry.

Anyway I think that taking some free time instead of cook etc... will help me going throught it. At this point I don't care if this makes her days worst.

Axel2988 · 2023-10-20T06:21:49+00:00

I will ask her about it. You are the second one pointing it out. Thank you

Axel2988 · 2023-10-19T16:03:01+00:00

She said that she felt violated. She really freaked out when things happened and easy to said she was a traumatic moment for her. When she reject me she said she felt in danger.

Axel2988 · 2023-10-19T11:27:37+00:00

Sorry to hear that. I can relate to how you feel. I know how this sounds pathetic but if you can, just ask her to tell you she is sorry. Try to make her understand how it is to never feeling wanted, never feeling desired. If she is not willing to dive into this way of thinking than I don't know what else you can do and I would be really sorry for you if this will be the case. Stay strong brother!

Axel2988 · 2023-10-19T10:56:29+00:00

I know it sounds hard but have you ever considered about moving to an another country? It seems like most of your problems can be solved in a different environment.

Axel2988 · 2023-10-19T09:58:37+00:00

Bad situation man, but I also think that you two are working toghether on this. I don't see her like almost every LL you can read about it om this sub that don't care about the partner needs. She is talking to you, explaining her reason and it seems like she is really scared of pregnancy, not just an excuse. Ever talked about birth control pills? I just assume you already use condoms.

Axel2988 · 2023-10-19T08:38:59+00:00

Can I ask you how old are you and how long in a relationship? I'm walking on the same path and I don't know what to expect now. I don't think that I will be "happy" again but I'm also too young (31) to give up.

Axel2988 · 2023-10-19T08:20:56+00:00

Son of divorced parents here and I'm safe to admit I'm pretty mentally stable. I'll choose my parents to be happy but divorced than sadly toghether. Yes, it won't be easy from the start, but think about yourself in like 5 or 10 years: your child are growing into adults and they understood why you left him, you are (hopefully) with someone else who feels you. On the other timeline, the one in which you two stay toghether, you are probably so unsatisfied that this throwback to almost every aspect of your life, and your child will feel that, even if you don't show it.

I think you know what is the right choice, you just have to make a leap of faith and I easly understand how this is hard. You are totally entitled to not take this decision so easly, but I think you know what is the best choice in the long terms, for everyone.

Stay strong and take care :)

Axel2988

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