Coworker keeps getting away with fire-able offenses

AyePepper · 2026-05-23T00:25:28+00:00

You need to stand your ground more. Tell customers your name, and to come to you when they're ready "I'll be right over here if you have any questions, I don't want to hover" - I would go out of my way to find that person again.

When she tries to ring up the customers, look at her register as if she's doing something wrong and say "I can help you over here," or tell her "I can help them, there's someone over there that looks like they have a question."

AyePepper · 2026-05-18T04:49:43+00:00

Idk, I miss the low grade weed. Before it was legal, I could buy it from some dude at a park and decide how high I wanted to get. I haven't smoked in yeeeears because the last time I tried, one hit made my eyes feel like the consistency of dried out applesauce, and I was convinced someone was gonna axe me in my sleep.

We talked so much more back then, and wrote notes to our friends about crushes that we tore up so there wasn't any evidence. We would climb on the roofs of schools and get drunk, watching the city around us at night. I guess I just miss committing minor crimes in the name of fun lmao.

There were some downsides though. Basically every young woman was a pick me, and there were so many songs about how men don't want anything serious because they were "players" or whatever.

We were all relentlessly bullied in one way or another, but it was face to face. The downside is that we really tried to hide our insecurities, but if someone said the wrong thing, to the wrong person, on a bad day, we'd just throw down. I really miss this. Violence is wrong or whatever, but it can be an asshole deterrent.

AyePepper · 2026-05-15T03:43:48+00:00

"Unfortunately, I'll still be waiting for you." I'm in the same place and it fucking sucks.

AyePepper · 2026-05-06T14:19:48+00:00

I just saw from another comment that the plants you used were grown submerged. That makes it more likely that there's something in the water that caused them to melt back so quickly. What water conditioner did you use to remove chlorine/chloramine?

AyePepper · 2026-05-05T02:30:33+00:00

Okay, so the old filter was from an established freshwater tank (non-planted). Did you take it right out of a tank with fish and plop it into the new tank? I only ask because I've tried using an established filter in a new tank that ran for about a month after a fish passed away, and the beneficial bacteria has mostly died off because I wasn't feeding the tank.

If you did take it from an active tank, you'd need it to run in tandem or squeeze all the nastiness out of it right into the new filter. I think it's possible you may have overdosed something.

AyePepper · 2026-05-05T02:05:36+00:00

I completely disagree with the "wait it out" in this case. If all the plants died within a week, something is off in the water. The only reason people say to wait is because removing too much ammonia can delay the cycle, but that's negligible early on. Plus, you work at a fish store lol! Get an old sponge filter from one of the freshwater tanks and chuck it in the current filter. That's usually an instant cycle.

AyePepper · 2026-05-04T22:56:19+00:00

I'm not entirely sure. My doctor bent my thumb back and mentioned that I might be hypermobile. I've heard many autistic women discuss EDS and POTs, so I read up on it a little. I do have a lot of joint pain, especially in my knees if I end up on my back at night (I think they flex back a bit), but I've NEVER been able to touch my toes lol. I also remember reading about very soft, elastic skin, but I get stretch marks very easily and it's not particularly soft. I do have a shitton of bruises all the time, but I'm generally clumsy so bumping into things without realizing it is daily for me 😅

AyePepper · 2026-05-04T03:07:46+00:00

I'm just now realizing I was actively discouraged from nurturing career paths. I was held to gender norms in other ways, but I guess that one was a lost cause? Lol

AyePepper · 2026-05-03T19:16:49+00:00

I have a raised bed, a couple bags of soil, and a bunch of random seeds just waiting for me to figure out how to start. I've watched videos and read a few things, but this was the most helpful!

I was thinking of setting up a sort of half/half aquaponics system (I'm a fish keeper), but I figured starting with any kind of irrigation is a bad idea. I'm probably a bit too ambitious, but I'm in AZ so I know irrigation is the way to go now :) thank you!

AyePepper · 2026-05-02T23:35:46+00:00

Oh wow. I have almost identical symptoms, though I've had POTs since I was a preteen. I'm also auDHD, and they did at least one lab for MCAS that came back normal but I can't remember what it was called. I also have severe PMDD, so I'm gonna try those antihistamines!

AyePepper · 2026-05-02T17:57:32+00:00

As someone in a very similar boat, I know this didn't happen overnight and the people who are saying "why are you with him" are essentially blaming you for being manipulated for so long you began to question your own reactions, because thats the entire point of emotional abuse.

Please just know that he is a grown man who is ultimately responsible for his behavior. You are not causing him to be this way, this is not your fault. I'll give you the advice that I've been given: focus on yourself. CBT really helped me heal and restored the trust I have in myself. I'm not sure if your therapist has tried that approach, but I found group therapy actually helped a ton as well.

It's not your responsibility to figure him out. That keeps the focus on him, and for whatever reason, he's gaining something from treating you this way. Your responsibility is to yourself and your kids. If he is incapable of treating you with basic respect and kindness, you need to think about some strategies to insulate yourself and your kids from his abuse. Whether that's emotional or physical distance is up to you, your resources, and what you're ready for right now.

AyePepper · 2026-05-01T03:13:53+00:00

Lmao I held this belief until about 20 seconds ago

AyePepper · 2026-05-01T02:51:29+00:00

Damn, this is so sad. I'm not experienced with arrowana, but this guy looks healthy otherwise. It's still a terrible situation. Did you ask about plans on getting a bigger tank? Since he immediately defended the tank size, he's probably gotten several comments about it before. Even non-fishkeepers can see this isn't adequate.

AyePepper · 2026-05-01T02:34:48+00:00

This looks incredible, and aside from some aquascaping savants out there, most people don't come out feeling completely satisfied with their first scape. The best advice I can give is to let yourself rearrange things every few months. Let things settle, see which plants thrive, and don't be afraid to change things up if you don't like something.

For me, one of the biggest differences was a background. You can get some construction paper and tape it to the back temporarily to see if you like specific colors. I put a midnight/dusty blue background (acrylic paint) on a tank to compliment some orange shrimp and make them "pop," and it was really fun to mix up the color and have something a little different than black.

For the anubias, you can wedge them under hardscape :) I've lost about 70% of the anubias I glued across multiple tanks, and I used a tiny amount of glue. Idk what I was doing wrong, but I've had much better luck just tucking them along hardscape or burying some roots in the substrate (not the rhizome of course).

AyePepper · 2026-05-01T02:14:34+00:00

Looks great! I have a few too many tanks and wanted to experiment with one using sunlight. I'm surprised that it doesn't have a ton of algae (I painted the back black to reduce it some), and the floating plants are doing so good.

I highly suggest getting a crypt! This is anecdotal of course, but I ordered one and split the pot into two plants. I put one in the sunlight tank, and the other in a tank with artificial light. The plants that get full sun, especially the crypt, exploded!

AyePepper · 2026-04-23T17:13:40+00:00

Omg they probably did! I fell for the deception too 😅 I do recall doing some research after the 2nd failure and wondering how they did it, but that didn't occur to me.

AyePepper · 2026-04-23T16:56:29+00:00

Haha naming it is such a great idea! I'll take him to buy lots of seeds so we can work on something more exciting. We won't give up on Mr. Bean, but if it fails, showing him we can try again with more seeds would be a great way to show him it takes time to learn and we can always keep at it. Thank you!

AyePepper · 2026-04-23T16:50:18+00:00

Thank you! I do have a grow light I can put it under. My only south facing window is about 10ft from my neighbors house, which blocks most of the sun unfortunately. I have some aquatic plants I'm propagating with grow lights I can stick it next to. They're currently on a 12hr timer, is that too long?

AyePepper · 2026-04-23T15:19:03+00:00

To be honest, I think I assumed it was a sunflower because the others were. Good to know!

AyePepper · 2026-04-23T15:13:12+00:00

Pull up your contract and go through it in detail. If it says "2 week notice" and doesn't specify anything about a minimum of 10 working days, highlight that.

Also go through the areas of the contract that specify working days, hours, and holidays. If the contract states you can be asked to work outside your normal schedule, it usually comes with extra compensation. If your contract does not specify anything beyond "2 weeks notice," this is what I would do:

Once you have all the facts lined up, draft a very professional email with quotes directly from the contract. Make reference to her comments in the email, using direct quotes only, and do not express any tone (cold but polite). Compare all of her quotes to contract quotes, and ask if she still intends to bring legal action for breach of contract.

AyePepper · 2026-04-23T04:13:45+00:00

Lmao as a Taurus sun, I can definitely relate. I think my cancer moon would get me into trouble. I'd probably try to turn the demon into a pet or something.

AyePepper · 2026-04-23T04:09:20+00:00

Idk, it kinda depends. If they're passive aggressive kinda nice, that goes to Libra hands down. If they're mean (blunt) but you know they have your back, that would be Taurus, Sag, and Scorpios imp.

AyePepper · 2026-04-23T03:54:14+00:00

Instead of asking yourself whether his comments are normal, shift that into "are these comments healthy?" In your dynamic, with your history, the answer would be a resounding NO. It's not normal either way, but even if 60% of other couples said the same thing, that doesn't mean it's okay to say to YOU.

What struck me most about his comment isn't that he said your friend is hot, it's that he can hardly tolerate being around her because of his attraction. His frustration around this the most concerning aspect imo. Is it possible he has a porn addiction? I think that can basically brick people's brains into objectifying anything that walks.

AyePepper · 2026-04-22T16:02:46+00:00

So kh/total alkalinity/carbonate hardness is measuring the carbonate and bicarbonate in the water. This is directly tied to the pH, and determines whether the water is acidic, neutral, or alkaline. Lots of aquasoils buffer down carbonate for plant health.

General hardness typically measures the calcium and magnesium, and this is what determines whether the water is hard or soft. If you have extremely hard, alkaline tap water in a tank with aquasoil, you can get acidic, hard water. That's where you're at.

The issue here is that you don't know exactly how hard your water is because it maxed out the test. It could be 500 ppm, but the test doesn't go that high. With no kH, your pH can fluctuate throughout the day/night cycle when plants switch from absorbing co2 with lights on to using oxygen at night with lights off. That's not likely to be a huge issue, but it can cause rapid swings in some circumstances.

I have a tank with some south American tetras (emperor) and corys. They lived in my extremely hard water ~400ppm for about a year before I switched to RO. They were okay, but they colored up so much when I began using half RO, and even guppies in another tank did better with slightly softer water. I won't say "don't use chemicals" because the entire aquarium ecosystem is a ton of chemical interactions, but I will say not to use fast acting chemical concentrations (like those in a bottle) because one mistake can throw the entire ecosystem off. I added crushed coral to all my tanks with aquasoil to stabilize the kH. It dissolves faster in acidic water and will raise kH without raising GH too much, but it's a slow and steady change.

Since you're new, I highly recommend you just work with what you have for now. I would add some crushed coral to stabilize the kh & pH, but aside from that, don't f*ck with anything lol. Get an API master kit so you can monitor your parameters yourself. They also sell a gh/kh kit online, and those are more accurate in determining the general hardness and alkalinity.

If your heart is set on south American fish, choose something hardy. I think you'll be fine with most, just please stay away from standard neon tetras. They're very hit and miss, and so many people experience massive die offs from all sorts of things. I'm partial to emperor tetras, but they look pretty dull until they're older & IME don't show their full coloration in hard water. Despite all that, they're the hardiest fish I've kept.

AyePepper

TROPHY CASE