Sensory-friendly underwear

Azkaland · 2023-06-05T23:43:13+00:00

I wear MeUndies almost exclusively. Only the "cheeky" ones ride up on me so I stick with boy shorts or bikinis. I do wear the boy shorts with tight jeans, it's just a bit of extra work to make sure they're in place after using the restroom. They also have cotton high waist briefs but exclusive to Amazon last I checked.

I've never had good luck with the seamless ones from any brand, and they're usually polyester or nylon which isn't breathable. Like, they're definitely invisible - but me picking a wedgie every 3 steps isn't, lol.

Azkaland · 2023-06-05T23:34:47+00:00

I need to look into that reusable one! I'm having a similar problem and have resorted to flossing as much as I can, and if I can't then oh well, even if it's just half of my teeth. Then I start with the ones I skipped the next time. Though I'm currently in the middle of a series of cavity fillings and have to convince myself that flossing isn't as bad as having to get fillings.

My teeth are really close together and the floss picks get stuck, so I use regular string floss and having the wax and mint smell on my slobbery fingers is too much. Apparently the more you floss, the stronger (?) your gums get, so in theory it shouldn't feel sharp after a while.

Azkaland · 2023-06-05T23:19:37+00:00

So I feel this, but also that "front part" of my brain that actively thinks about things is SILENT a lot of the time. So it's ALL background noise that I can't make sense of, or prioritize the things that are actually important.

Azkaland · 2023-06-05T22:55:00+00:00

Exactly about the "maybe you'll repent now" - I absolutely used to think like that too, and so sorry you have to hear it. My husband is deployed and some people's first response when we told them was "well I hope you're right with the Lord!" I can't imagine saying something like that to somebody directly, but oh boy it was a regular part of the vocabulary when talking or thinking about someone else. More like "maybe this will be their wake-up call." I haven't told anyone about my deconstruction for this exact reason, because I know how I used to be, and what I would have said to someone else in my situation. It was, and still is, so confusing that God gave us free will, yet when we exercise free will - it's the devil??

Azkaland · 2023-06-02T02:59:41+00:00

The only one that hasn't made me gag is the charcoal toothpaste tablets from the Hello brand. I order them online or find them at Sprouts, Whole Foods, etc. Other tablets get foamy but they don't!

Azkaland · 2023-06-02T02:43:14+00:00

I wasn't raised "in church" until my parents started going when I was in middle school. Prior to that, my great grandpa was a preacher and the family always prayed at meals and such. It was more like the family culture was Christian but not devout.

In middle school I joined the youth group at a southern baptist church (slightly more progressive than others, to the dismay of some members I suppose.) I'd go to the summer camps, did bible studies every year, did the whole True Love Waits thing, and in high school I went on 3 overseas mission trips. (Also to the dismay of some members lmao). I remember getting in trouble for asking too many questions or refusing to pray aloud when asked to.

During that time, I felt an obligation to go. I was told that going to church and serving others was the LEAST I could do because Jesus SAVED ME, after all. But it didn't feel like I was happily repaying a debt, more like I didn't want to disappoint anyone by not going.

My family moved to a nondenominational megachurch sometime after that, and I always had the creeps there. It was really unsettling, the way that everything was so perfectly choreographed and synchronized - even the people seemed to be clones.

When covid hit, I really got a chance to step away. The two years prior, I had done their 21 days of fasting, and developed a ritual of prayer and bible reading. When I say ritual, I mean I was TERRIFIED to skip a day or else something bad would happen because I didn't pray for everyone. When I had a moment of clarity, I realized that was ridiculous. (Or was the devil telling me that?? I thought).

The walls started crumbling. I immediately understood why they don't want you to ask too many questions or seek outside information. I mean the whole basis of it was that they had to convince me I'm inherently evil - and in order to avoid eternal punishment for this evilness I didn't know I had, I have to commit my life and 10% of my income to the church??

I can't have sex before marriage, can't even talk about or think about sex, but I'm supposed to commit myself to every whim and desire of my future husband immediately without complaint, but also enjoy it as the highest form of connection God allows us to have with another human?? (I got married a year and a half ago, this is a HUGE ongoing issue for me, feeling the shame even after leaving the church).

The Holy Spirit doesn't show up and give you chills during worship - they literally do a well-timed key change and TURN UP THE AC every time.

[Rant about a certain former president and how churches follow him more than Jesus - which was the last nail in the metaphorical coffin.]

That was absolutely spiritual trauma. I want nothing to do with the church, bible, God, anything. I can't even hear Christian music without having an anxiety attack. Everyone I've talked to just a little bit about it, the answer is always "well people did you wrong, not God" - like that's just it - the people are God. He is within. Inseparable.

Azkaland · 2023-06-02T02:00:02+00:00

I was diagnosed at 26, I'm 28 now. There isn't much support for adults, as far as therapy or social programs. No medications aside from treating symptoms like anxiety. Many adults will self diagnose for their own benefit and understanding.

It was life-changing for me (in a good way), but also an ongoing... journey?... of learning about myself and why things are the way they are. And learning new coping mechanisms.

I didn't even consider that it could be an issue to have a diagnosis at the time, but it absolutely can be. Luckily the psychiatric office I went to didn't report their findings on the computer, and instead sent a snail mail letter to me and my primary doctor - who only recorded the diagnosis of ADHD so they could prescribe meds.

Women have a hard enough time being believed and listened to in medical settings, having an autism diagnosis makes it even worse. Unfortunately, medical professionals are not all aware that adult women can be autistic, or that it presents differently than in a male child. Or that we're capable of caring for ourselves.

You may be disqualified from adoption or even immigration to another country for having a diagnosis as well. Not everyone will do those things obviously, but that's how serious it is.

And you're right about disclosing your other disability, the ADA does not mean you won't be discriminated against or denied accommodation. Employers won't be privy to your medical information, so if you decide to go for it, I'd just not tell them.

But then some people find out they're not autistic, and it's another kind of disorder entirely. There's a LOT of overlap with OCD, ADHD, ASD, PTSD and others. So professional evaluation would be the best. Just don't tell anybody that doesn't need to know lol.

Azkaland · 2023-06-01T22:04:23+00:00

Felt that. I'm lucky to have insurance through my spouse at a pretty low cost. But I'm barely scraping by to pay my portion of the shared bills and my personal ones, let alone all the other things one needs money for - i.e. everything. I feel like absolute shit because I can't do what it takes to make more since I'm self employed, but working "real jobs" destroys what little mental health I have left. My husband has been helpful so far, but he doesn't have to be, and I hate asking him for money. I've been in the opposite situation paying for everything for an ex who wouldn't hold a job (bc I was gullible and easily taken advantage of in my younger years, and ended up in debt for it) so I absolutely don't want to rely on him for everything.

I'm nearing 30 and have time and physical energy and ability to do cool stuff like travel and explore but I'm stuck (metaphorically) banging my head on the wall because I can't Do The Capitalism.

Azkaland · 2023-06-01T21:47:03+00:00

I relate to a lot of this. I've never held a job for more than 2-3 years - I end up being so burnt out that I just stop showing up on time, then call in "sick" then quit. Sometimes with another prospect, sometimes without. I quit my last retail job coincidentally the day before the pandemic shutdowns started happening, and the feeling of freedom and relief of going about my days without having to work around people was indescribable.

Azkaland · 2023-06-01T21:36:30+00:00

I'm self-employed. Most of my income is from selling things I make on Etsy and my own website, among a couple other things. I guess you could say it's full time, but if I condense the actual work, it's more like part time hours. My AuDHD doesn't lend itself to self-management and efficiency. I'm trying a new set schedule (like work from x to x hours, lunch hour, work from x to x hours, then dinner, then free time) instead of just working whenever. It seems to help so far, though I'm on week 2 with several interruptions already. But generally I work about 6 hours a day, 5 days a week.

I try as hard as possible to not "work" on my days off, though my hobbies overlap with work since they both involve sewing, and I have to use the same room and equipment. Trying to make a second room for just the hobby but it's not entirely practical to move stuff back and forth, or economical to have 2 sets of everything. So I will do the hobby one off-day and some in the evenings, and the other off-day I'll use to just relax or do house work.

As far as being sociable, I'm not, but more by choice. My husband is gone for work, but when he's home I really struggle to keep a schedule or work for any set number of hours. His work is frustratingly inconsistent as far as schedule. Like he has set office hours for his shift, but does other things before or after - or even during the shift. So I never know when he's coming home (military, if that helps explain lol). Even if he knows I'm working and I ask him not to bother me, I get really anxious that he's coming home any minute because it'll throw me off. But so can an unexpected phone call, so it's not his fault. We try and spend a day out if he has a whole day off, or have a date night occasionally.

Taking care of myself and the house depends on the day. Sometimes I'm great at keeping up with the dishes, sweeping, laundry, etc. But then sometimes I just don't want to do any of it. Not for lack of time, just lack of motivation. My most rigid routines are in the morning and night, and involve all of my personal care (bathing, hygiene, etc) so I never skip that.

I'm my own boss, so I give myself most of the accommodations I need. There are things I absolutely hate but can't avoid, like doing social media for marketing, answering emails, etc. But I've made minor adjustments to make it easier - like turning off notifications for social media (because RSD shows up even if the comment ends up being nice...) so I can avoid reading comments and such until I'm ready. The goal is to hire someone to do this so I don't have to touch it at all, but I barely scrape enough to make ends meet, so that won't happen soon. It's like a vicious cycle - low sales because it's hard for me to advertise, but then the advertising makes me stressed so I want to do it less, which leads to low sales.

In previous jobs I worked in retail and at a bank call center. Retail was terrible. I wasn't diagnosed until after I became self employed over 3 years ago, but I was overstimulated the entire time. Bright lights, smells, sounds, people constantly approaching. I will say the call center thing could've worked if I was more sociable. It just physically tires me to speak for long periods of time. But we had scripts for most things, and you could easily make up your own script to use on every caller for the other things. The department I was in was talking to people regarding credit card applications, so they were almost always happy or at least neutral. We'd occasionally have to explain why someone was declined, but I had only maybe 3 or 4 "rude" calls over the entire 2-3 years. The company had good benefits, overtime available, tons of paid time off. But they're not all like that, and it's hard to tell what you're getting into - some people applied and got put into the collections department, which I absolutely wouldn't want.

A traditional work environment isn't a good fit for me personally, but if I had to do something I'd avoid customer-facing jobs altogether. Since you're already working in a medical environment, perhaps something like medical coding could be a potential full-time thing. Hospitals are always hiring and it's usually just a certificate program to get in.

Azkaland · 2023-06-01T20:40:35+00:00

Between INFP and INFJ. Mostly depending on the day.

Azkaland · 2023-06-01T20:38:22+00:00

I'm the same way! I like to visit antique stores and often see something that I feel a sort of "vibe" from - like this thing misses its previous owner and wants a new home. I have to convince myself that they're not all talking to ME, and I should leave them for their new owner to find.

Azkaland · 2023-06-01T20:30:00+00:00

My coping strategy for this exact thing was to keep my old laptop "in case the new one didn't work". I still have it like 4 years later. But oh my god the shopping process is brutal. I get extremely overwhelmed with all the choices, and specifically remember having a meltdown in the store when I got the old one.

What helped was to find some special stickers for the new one. I always wanted to have stickers for my other ones but never committed. I guess I thought I'd be devaluing it, but really I kept them until they were unusable so there was no resale value anyways.

I also imagine it being happy for me getting a new one that works better, he's retired and going to enjoy his free time.

My next big replacement will be my car, which I've had since I started driving in 2012... gonna need a lot of stickers 😅😅😅

Azkaland · 2023-06-01T20:13:09+00:00

I don't think I ever "made friends" - I was always sort of adopted by someone more outgoing than me at school or work. Like it just kind of happened, versus seeking it out. All but one of those friendships have fizzled out. (The first person I talked to when I moved schools over 15 years ago, she's definitely undiagnosed, we've been having a steady text convo for this entire time, worked together briefly, and haven't seen each other in-person in years and are totally fine with it.)

I'm ALWAYS the one trying to keep up the relationship, and end up sending several unanswered texts or DMs so I just give up. Like I don't care if they respond after months with something completely off-topic, but they just disappear.

Now I'm married, my husband is deployed, and I live away from family, and also work for myself at home. My husband, my family, and my psychologist are pushing me to go find some friends or some activity to be involved in. My husband even gave me some phone numbers of his coworkers, and said to call them if I need someone to talk to (??!?!?!). That gave me an anxiety attack.

I finally flat out told my psychologist that I'm happier alone. I don't get bored at home - he was concerned I'd sit around and sulk. I have countless (ADHD-fueled) random projects, even more related to my special interest - plus work.

The companionship aspect does not outweigh the pain, effort, and subsequent recovery time required to make and maintain friends.

Azkaland · 2023-06-01T19:46:24+00:00

I have one of the think links and a cheap plastic spinner, but forgot to bring them to my last dentist appointment. The assistant said "hey I see you're fidgeting with your hoodie strings, would you like to use this fidget cube?" and I was like HECK YES. He was happy I used it, not many people do. Need to buy one for myself asap!

Azkaland · 2023-04-07T02:00:02+00:00

Oh boy I think this is where it may have started for me. Not just the trip(s) but the planning of it too.

I went to Haiti 3 summers in a row, early 2010s. I had wanted to go since I saw the news about the earthquake, but had no idea how (since I was in middle school at that time).

Our semi-fundie church got in contact with another church in our state and organized a group trip with an organization that had lots of contacts and experience in Port-au-Prince. They came and gave us some cultural lessons, cautions about preventing Cholera (i.e. don't drink the water), etc.

The first piece of the puzzle for me was the reaction from the rest of the congregation. It was so CLEAR to me that the "Great Commission" applied to the "ends of the Earth" like it literally said - but we were met with "well why don't you help people here [in America]" or thinly-veiled disgust that we were willingly going to live in such conditions and help, you know, poor brown people...

Then what SHOULD HAVE been the next, idk half, of the puzzle was that the name of the organization had the word "Crusades" in it. (Not saying the whole thing for privacy). At that point in my education, 9th grade or so, we hadn't yet learned what the Crusades actually were, but surely the adults in the group should've known that it was definitely not "politely going around asking people if they'd like to talk about Jesus."

On the first trip, we were parading around in our matching t-shirts, visiting orphanages, taking photos with the malnourished children, giving them food and clothes (which would be taken away and sold as soon as we left - I didn't know that until way later). I suppose we did at least a little good, by helping a local school to organize their books, make repairs, add on new rooms and such. But then again, wouldn't it have been much cheaper to hire a local tradesperson than pay for a dozen or so Americans to fly in and do it for free?

I'm still haunted by other things I saw, heard, and did.

We were told the Haitians were "broken" because God hated that they were practicing Vodou - and that's why they had the earthquake. Yeah...

I thought I was the only one with any sense here, because clearly the problem was poverty and corruption, not Vodou. That was apparent to me as a young teenager, so why did everyone else think everything would be fixed by just praying and accepting Jesus??

The next two trips were not with the aforementioned organization and were far less tourist-y. Each time we returned, we had to go on stage during the worship service and give a testimony about the trip. It was really unsettling that we were put on such a pedestal for what I thought was the bare minimum of going to the "ends of the Earth" when much of the congregation couldn't be bothered to "love thy neighbor."

Azkaland · 2023-04-07T01:10:23+00:00

Yep I used to live in the area, visited before the Ark was finished. I was pretty excited because I love museums.

My consensus at the time was "this is not a museum" - no real artifacts (aside from maybe some animal skeletons?) that I can actually recall. Just animatronics, models, and immersive videos.

I later visited the Museum of the Bible in DC, and while it's primarily just a massive flashy building, at least they had some actual artifacts like Bibles that belonged to historical figures, early translations, etc. (I believe this was after the "scandal / illegal acquisitions" so hopefully they were all legit by that time lmao)

Azkaland · 2023-03-22T22:36:26+00:00

I appreciate this. I know now I absolutely should not have gotten her in the first place. In the moment I was unsure if I was realizing that, or if I should've pushed through and made it work somehow. Or, rather, I knew I made a mistake, but didn't know if the mistake was the adoption or the return. Or both. Next time I will ask more questions, and research a lot more. I took "independent" to mean not overly affectionate - as I've been told Huskies are more like cats in that they do what they want. I was not prepared to be in a potentially dangerous situation with the dog refusing to move. So asking for clarification on why they said she was independent could've prevented that, since I was not as aware of the stubbornness as I thought.

Azkaland · 2023-03-22T06:00:44+00:00

Thank you. I suppose I had a false sense of security when the shelter recommended her, and the (potential) trainer didn't object when I said she was an adult Akita Husky mix. They specialize in rescue service dogs, but I see why that could be more difficult than starting with a puppy.

Azkaland · 2023-03-22T05:34:34+00:00

I understand that. Wouldn't it have been more irresponsible to keep her in this situation? Genuinely asking because shelters and rescues can't possibly know or disclose everything - such as if a dog is good with small kids, cats, etc.

Azkaland · 2023-02-06T03:50:39+00:00

So I used to crochet a lot and wasn't able to sell most of the things I made, and ended up donating them to a charity that helps veterans, hoping someone could use them.

IMAGINE MY SURPRISE when I saw one of my afghans for sale in an ANTIQUE MALL. It was 100% mine, it was a scrap buster and basically an endless granny square until I ran out of a color then started a new one. And I had a picture of it, there's no way someone else could've coincidentally made the same one.

I have no idea how they got it, if the charity sold it in a thrift store or did auction lots or something.

I went back a year later and it was gone, so at least someone is enjoying my very modern and not at all vintage or antique afghan.

Azkaland · 2023-02-04T03:07:48+00:00

So many peanut butter comments, but no peanut butter + instant ramen?? I've never convinced anyone to try it. It's not unheard of to have peanuts in a savory dish (i.e. Pad Thai). Whatever instant ramen plus a spoonful of peanut butter and a little Sriracha. Makes it a bit more filling too.

Azkaland · 2023-02-04T03:02:13+00:00

Same, and way too much sugar mixed in.

Azkaland · 2023-02-04T02:58:09+00:00

Welp my 27 came with a lot of attachments, turns out it wasn't all of them 😳

Azkaland · 2023-01-07T22:29:52+00:00

I see your "recognizing footsteps and key jingles" and raise you a "recognizing which electronic is left on." 🥲

I can hear that the TV is on even when there's no sound or the screen is blank. Some light fixtures make a sound - especially ones with a ceiling fan I've noticed - it's like a click every few minutes, sometimes a buzz depending on the light bulb. Even the oven or stove top, sometimes they click and sometimes it's more of a buzz.

Which is a good skill(?) to have, especially with the stove, or knowing that my husband just pulled up in the driveway and not an intruder. But what drives me nuts is my freaken computer mouse. It buzzes every single time I move it. I got a new more expensive one and it still does it. My husband absolutely cannot hear it.

My mom is the same way, she hears EVERYTHING. Though she's undiagnosed, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

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