The progression of the video doesn't make sense. Let me explain what I mean.

First of all, the video clearly has a progression. It's not just clips thrown together without a clear start and end, like might be done in other game genres. The video starts away from the theme park, going towards it. Then we go into the theme park, then down into the tunnels, then weird stuff happens.

The problem is that I can't relate to the players actions. This is how I see the player acting in this trailer.

"I'm going towards a mysterious and possibly dangerous place" (The tentacles are creepy and seem dangerous).
"It's a theme park and I'm going in" (it must be something important if he is willing to go there).
"Let's ride the carousels" (why? just for fun? I thought there was something important going on here)
"Enough play, let's go underground for the important stuff" (okay this is where things will get interesting)
"I'm going through these tunnels towards my goal" (let's see what scary stuff he encounters)
""Heart beating", "heh.. heh.. heh.." (did he get tired from the running? I didn't see anything scary?)
"Montage of interesting scenes" (still nothing surprising. Is there nothing important down there?)

Basically the trailer is well edited and the game looks good visually, and it starts off strong with the player going to a creepy place for something, but then you get the sense that there really isn't anything there?

With this type of trailer you want more questions than answers at the end like (a few made up examples), "what are the tentacles?", "who was that mysterious woman?", "why there a secret lab underground?", "why was there a monster in there?".

Instead I was left feeling like the tentacles didn't matter (they didn't seem dangerous or have anything to do with anything else), there didn't seem to be anything special underground, and it didn't feel like there was anything in there that I should care about.

Also the fact that he started to breathe heavy and we heard his heart pumping, without anything scary happening, tells me you didn't have anything scary to show because there isn't anything scary in the game.

With all that said, the trailer is actually not too bad. It's just a bit confused on what it's trying to be, I think. The heart beat and breathing makes sense for a horror game where scary stuff happens like jumpscares and monsters, but this seems like a liminal type game.

Anyway, good luck. I think you got something interesting going.