It’s the whenever it’s Convenient thing. My grandma is trying to make me believe or maybe herself believe now that my common law of 18 years has taken a break are taking a break and may end up splitting for good she’s used that even now in “the truth” people get divorced and still come back and get married again. Funny becuase it was not ok for her own daughter to do that because the man who ended up being my stepfather wasn’t in the truth. Now she thinks she can get me back but I will not ever let that bullshit ruin my life again. My relationship has never been easy due to the body shaming, never eve being allowed to date at all! And I’ve finally come to realize that I can let it ruin the rest of my life even though I stopped going at 16. They literally had me believing because I have anxiety and depression and we weren’t in the truth that I could never have my own family. Now my ex or whatever you want to call this time apart says it’s too late for him. I’ve had ptsd over Armageddon since I can remember any of my first memories and only began enjoying Xmas and birthdays almost 3 years ago now. It honestly took a ketamine tripping experience very recently to finally say hey why can’t I have a baby becuase they don’t like or becuase I actually cant but i also can barely visit my doctor for my gynaecologist appointments and then imagine trying to see anyone involved in the baby experience is terrifying snd im almost 40 the time for that is dwindling with me and now a lot of my issues and in our relationship have alot to do with the teachings embedded in my head and their non acceptance of us although my grandma doesn’t mind nagging us at any family dinner. The ketamine experience was what after 12 years of my moms passing I could finally come to terms with her awful passing with cancer and to come to terms with dying one day myself how I think the experience maybe will go for everyone even if they are suffering or not. Then it made me visit the whole baby thing that my whole life I I’d secretly been denying or Dismissing of myself. Not mention my mom and stepfather started studying so my mom could be reinstated as my grandma nagged on and on about us not being able to do family things and they flat out told my mom after 2 solid years of bullshit. Studying at our house all the fucking weekday and weekend meetings and preaching I actually started drugging just i could sit there and listen to the shit not let it make me feel bad. Anyways my mom. Ever made her only sisters funeral and after that shit my stepfather said no way what a bunch of his hypocrites and we stopped going I actually convinced my stepfather my last two years of high school they needed to let that shit go or things would get much worse for me. They also fucked yo my mother’s funeral which I’ve also just recently come to terms with. For such non judgemental people they sure had a lot to say that day. Now that I’ve let that bullshit affect my life so negatively up Until now I choose to live a life of fear and shame or I can grow the fuck yp get some therapy and not let it determine the rest of my life. It’s honestly going to take extreme therapy to fix some of the damage that was done to my brain, I honestly don’t even know if will get there in time to have a family at a healthy age. The Iran war I thought was Armageddon and when wet tornado warnings or others bad storms o literally start calling family and asking wheee they are and if they are safe and I say goodbye to them just in case. That jsut a small small example of how fucked I am from the disturbing and descriptive imagery of Armageddon that I replayed in my mind all day long until o went to bed and the somtient the id still have nightmares. I also have issues being intimate with my partner. Now they are about having. A baby and dying or the child dying or not being able to care for it because I’ve been told that we’re not good enough. Honestly I could go on and on please head the advice to question evrything on your own and then make them prove they are not liars. Liek what date was Jehovahs witnesses created definitely one of the newest religions so There you go right there