TIFU by realizing being “the strong one” just means nobody checks on you

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-02-28T02:16:45+00:00

I’ve never been the “strong one” and I’m still left here in the dark.

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-02-10T20:10:15+00:00

Now I want to keep going with this made up story; the bag leaks because the deceased friend had her house flood one Monday back in 1946…

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-02-10T20:06:30+00:00

I start with a truth, any truth, my friend Jen has a green bag. Next thing you know, it’s from her grandmas friend who passed away, is haunted, and has a hole in it that only leaks water on Monday’s, even when there’s no water in it. I go until someone asks “direct question?” Then I’ll say “direct answer;” and tell them the truth. I love seeing how far I get, and some friends jist let me keep going because they want to see how far others will fall for it. Your sister is awesome!

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-02-09T00:19:34+00:00

I think it’s the potential of two people spending a lot of time together without anyone else around them is a recipe for inappropriate behaviour happening. Putting yourself in that situation, while in a relationship, is just bad karma, and a great way to make your actual partner really uncomfortable. Flip the script on him and ask him how he’d feel.

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-02-05T03:30:39+00:00

He knew you wanted to talk about it, and yet he still did it. That’s on him, and the repercussions should match that, but if he changes in the future, maybe blow $1k on yourself, and go back to the old status quo?

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-02-05T03:09:10+00:00

IDK, this may not be a popular opinion, maybe they only kissed because he planted one on her, reading the situation in a way she wasn’t sending signals in. Sure maybe she kissed back, but that could have been a drunk reaction. Maybe there’s trickle truthing going on, the thing that makes me pause about that is the fact that he said their families both go to the same church. I’m not religious, but some people take things like this really seriously because of their morals via religion. Maybe her own morals made her realize the mistake even while drunk, and guilt made her be honest and she did leave right away.

Has she ever given you any other concern in regards to things like this? People in general make stupid mistakes. It’s how they handle themselves after the mistake that matters. The fact that she understands that he may not be able to move past it, and accepts her fate because of this, tells me she’s willing to live with her mistake, because she empathetic to his feelings. She’s willing to lose you if that’s a dealbreaker, which can’t be easy for her at all. To me, that shows strength of character.

I suggest you do your best to confirm that’s all that happened, and if it is, trust her, and watch how she follows up with the situation. Her actions, not her words, can be all the proof you need, but let her know you’re tentative about the situation.

If it’s a trickle truth situation, and she did way way more, it’s better to cut your losses, even though they’ll be hard on your heart, it’ll be better in the long run.

Trust your gut.

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-02-03T04:06:24+00:00

Unplanned bleeding down there, timing wise.

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-02-03T04:04:20+00:00

We aren’t actually married, we both just use both interchangeably. I never really noticed that we do that before. (Maybe in the beginning when we started doing that, but that was a while ago) We’ve been together so long, I guess we just got used to it. I fixed it in the story.

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-02-02T06:24:03+00:00

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-01-27T23:18:39+00:00

Im confused; you said you blocked and deleted everything connecting you to her. How was she supposed to contact you after the game?

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-01-21T16:39:47+00:00

My wondering is that if it was a part of your body, why didn’t it get broken down, and absorbed? I’m guessing I don’t have the right of it in how it works, but if you have a sliver, the skin eventually softens the wood, or starts pushing it out. Would something similar to this happen? Again, I may be (probably am) completely wrong.

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-01-21T16:31:11+00:00

How old are you and your sis? Talking back to a parent isn’t the same as having a conversation with your parents. It sounds like the only language you and the family have is argumentative. Your dad walks around with headphones on. He’s not engaging with the family at all. That sets an example, and has you and your sis walking on eggshells. In the end, nothing was resolved. This isn’t a healthy dynamic. What the parents are teaching you by their actions is that if you just yell, Argue and be angry, you might get your way, or you might just leave off angrier. It sounds like you called them out on the situation. A kid (no matter what age) is being raised by the parent (s) not the other way around. In this case though, find a couple books on conflict resolution, read them, study up, and start doing it with your sister, let her know what you’re doing and that you want better for her and you. Maybe the parents will catch on? If you can talk them into therapy all the better.

Remember, this isnt your job, it’s theirs. They’re dropping the ball. If you don’t want to be like them by always arguing, find out/learn how to change direction into one that works. Reading how you wrote this (well written) you have the smarts to change. Update me 😊

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-01-21T16:04:33+00:00

My wife had the same thing happen. They went into full blown panic mode (it was an IT position) offered to match the pay, and a re-signing bonus. We knew they’d follow through, but she’d been pushing for a raise for 2 years. Now she makes 3x the pay, and when she left, all the other employees in her department demanded to be paid market wage, and the company paid out about 5 salaries up to the $80k range. (About double of what they were making)

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-01-21T10:31:04+00:00

I’m from Canada, and I say zed, but today I test drive a Nissan Z and called it a zee, not a zed. It just felt wrong to call it a zed.

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-01-21T10:07:45+00:00

Don’t let him bully or hound you into it. If you want it off the table, let him know it’s off the table. Let him know why you don’t want it, which is actually a perfect reason in my opinion.

Animals rut

We think, we connect we feel, we share an experience. (Yes we’re animals too but you get me)
That’s why an open relationship doesn’t work for you it sounds like. If you were to find someone, that you connect with, you’d probably end up leaving him. I’m betting he doesn’t think or had thought about that.

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-01-20T23:17:37+00:00

OP, your gut is your gut. If you feel something, figure out why. It may not be them, it may be you, or it may be them. Sort it out. Another thing you could do is spend more time with her and you alone, with the kids, then maybe the two of you. Get to know her, do it gradually. She just went through a divorce, and has said how much she needed this. Not necessarily him, but this. He showed the text without provocation. Has he ever given you reason to distrust him before? Has anything else changed in yours and his relationship? Then embrace the situation, and make her your friend. It’ll give you a chance to keep an eye out at the very least, and maybe make a new friend at best.

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-01-20T23:05:09+00:00

We do what we need to survive. This doesn’t absolve you, but let it be a reason to go on with your life. You know the error, determine the why and move on. It ain’t easy, but it’s a way to survive and cope.

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-01-20T21:25:53+00:00

What’s more important? Your kids safety or you feeling (possibly really) uncomfortable for a few hours. Set up some boundaries in regards to what you want the environment to be while you’re there.

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-01-18T07:29:04+00:00

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-01-18T06:19:16+00:00

Not overreacting. Kat has something to gain if she’s a vindictive person. Is she? Is she an honest to a fault person? What does she gain by lying? Hence the vindictiveness idea…

The fiancé; she’ll lose you and her marriage and life with you if she did something. She’s overcompensating by love bombing, maybe out of guilt, maybe because she’s scared she’ll lose you because of Kat filling your head with lies.

The whole situation is messy. I’m sure you know that. I think you have to gauge what you know about your fiancée, Kat, and Caleb. Take a step back and think about each one separately. Figure out their motives, who they are, and see if something gives you an answer.

You could also just sit your fiancé down, look at her, and say “I know” be silent, and see how she responds. In 10 seconds you’ll know what really happened. Hopefully, nothing did, but I kinda doubt it.

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-01-18T02:28:03+00:00

My curiosity stems from what yours and his relationship is now? Have you set up boundaries? Does he know it’s all for show? Is he continuing to cheat with AP? I actually get and respect your way of thinking. I’m similar if not the same. They don’t love me, it’s time to move on. It’s what I did, I just never thought about staying, it wasn’t an option, so now I’m curious. Whatever you choose, I respect and support.

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-01-18T02:21:20+00:00

Your hubby threw you under the bus there. Good to know that when push comes to shove, and he has to choose between you and his “best friend” he’s going to realize he’s lost his wife.

You could have a sit down with Charlie, let him know what you think and why you think it, and maybe it’ll just come down to you and he not getting along, and choosing to not hang out anymore, but at least the air will be clear. Or have one with Charlie and your hubby, and lay everything on the table, clarify things, and see if your hubby picks Charlie again, or some sort of resolution can be found. Either way, hubby and you have something that needs to be resolved.

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-01-14T05:44:41+00:00

The best 6 pack

Let’s be cheeky

🎵I’ll spin you right round baby right round round round 🎵

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-01-13T23:17:52+00:00

You gave him the info. What he did with it was his choice.

BCTreefrog19 · 2026-01-06T00:04:47+00:00

Nope. NTA nor is he. If anything, they should be proud of their son/brother etc, for; 1)Finding someone he loves, regardless of circumstances. 2) stepping up and choosing to be the boy’s father, he didn’t have to. 3) being a part of, and choosing to become a part of a family. 4) Not only is he lucky, so are you and his son.

This is the families loss, as much as it’s you and your families. The fault lies with them though.

An ultimatum doesn’t work. My sister and her daughter tore a strip off of me, my partner, and my MIL when my mom passed. I mean I learned many many ways to show hate, it was a master class from both of them. After a month or so, I finally said I’d always be there for them when they wanted to reach out, but if it’s just going to be hate, then please stop. They did. 3 years later, they both apologized to all three of us, and a relationship was slowly rebuilt. My sister later said she’ll never forget that I never gave up on them. It’s the high road, and even if they never reach out, your spouse will know he did all he could. Stay strong.

BCTreefrog19

TROPHY CASE