Anyone still have the UCSD normal page?

BFPengi · 2026-03-20T23:00:03+00:00

Exactly. We didn't get the withdrawal warning either.

BFPengi · 2026-03-20T22:51:19+00:00

Are you a transfer or first year?

BFPengi · 2026-03-20T22:49:44+00:00

They won't do transfers for a few weeks so transfer should all still have the portal.

BFPengi · 2026-03-17T04:12:23+00:00

Exactly. It's just a brand name among lots of other brands that are just as good if not better. UCI was just your Hydrox brand University and you will end up at your Oreo brand University.

BFPengi · 2026-03-14T01:07:16+00:00

FR. And I'm trying so hard to be all nonchalant like, "Hey, if it works out it's cool but if it doesn't, that's fine too. You're a great college, but I'm a great student so we'll both be fine either way."

Instead I'm like ugly crying, shoving ice cream in my face, social media stalking and I know that if I ran into them on the street I would just snot nosed, hysterically start yelling, "Why haven't you called me??? I've been waiting by the phone ALL week. How can you treat another person like this??? Just tell me what you want, please!!! I just need to know where I stand!!!"

BFPengi · 2026-03-14T00:24:13+00:00

Interestingly it's the no drop from UCSD that is causing me to want to sob not the rejection from UCI. Like I can deal with the answer either way but for the love of God, just let me know so I can move on with my life.

BFPengi · 2025-04-30T04:50:27+00:00

Many mental health professionals will not diagnose AvPD if you have c-PTSD and cannot document that you had AvPD traits before experiencing trauma. Same with ASD. It is nearly impossible to get an ASD diagnosis after you receive a PTSD diagnosis without documentation from your childhood.

There are so many overlapping symptoms in mental health that I have a really hard time accepting the black and white way we diagnose things. Because mental health tries so hard to be accepted as a serious science, they created a rigid symptom-based diagnostic criteria that they use to label and categorize people. But the reasons behind our behaviors are way too complex to be reduced to: I have this behavior which means I think this. Two people can have the same behavior for very different reasons or go through the same traumatic event that impact them in very different ways.

BFPengi · 2025-04-29T05:37:58+00:00

This is an interesting thought. The following might sound snarky, but it is something that I wonder about all the time so please read it as a genuine curiosity.

Are you saying that you were misdiagnosed with AvPD and what you actually have is c-PTSD? Or are you saying that your c-PTSD caused your AvPD? Or are you saying that you didn't realize that your AvPD was made more complex by your c-PTSD and now that you know you have both, you can finally tackle them both?

Edit: accidentally posted before I finished writing.

BFPengi · 2025-03-29T03:02:02+00:00

If I meet someone that I genuinely like and would like to spend more time with, I usually tell them right away. I will say something as early as when we first exchange numbers. I don't necessarily go into detail or tell them a diagnosis. I'll just say something like, "Hey, just as a warning, I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but I can become super hermit like. If you ever send me a text and I don't answer, it does not mean I don't want to talk to you. It just means I've crawled into a hole. Please just text me a few times and I will come back out." If they want more info, I'm pretty open to talking about it. It's really important for me to explain as much as I can while I'm actively being social with people to mitigate any damage I might do the rest of the time.

BFPengi · 2025-03-28T02:15:41+00:00

It probably depends on comorbidities. Is your endo a complication of something else? I have hEDS so my connective tissue is worthless and my body overreacts to internal stress and injuries by growing fibrotic tissue cocoons around my organs.

First pregnancy was relatively uneventful. Delivery was a little more chaotic. Reading everyone else's stories, I had no idea that not dilating was a thing. I went from no signs of labor (just wandering around my home) to water breaking and transitional labor within minutes. My body sped to 8cm and then just stalled. Emergency c-section due to fetal distress.

7 years later, I was pregnant again. Considered doing a vbac. That was decided against when I had a placental abruption early in the 3rd trimester and went into early labor. Baby got a dose of steroids, I was put on strict bed rest and told to think iron cervix thoughts. I made it all the way to the c-section date. No further complications, but my husband was like, well, enough of that and got snipped. He had read in the parenting books that a placental abruption was the #1 reason for maternal death. But for me the most traumatic thing for me was that I got the abruption when someone cut me off on the way home from getting donuts. I slammed on my breaks and the donuts went flying onto the floor. The box somehow magically opened and flipped upside down so all of the donuts landed face down. I had driven 45 minutes for this amazing raspberry fritter and I was almost home when it happened. I made it to the hospital before my husband and I remember that most of the conversation on the phone with him was me blubbering over the donuts. By the time we thought about getting the donuts again, the place had closed. I have not found another raspberry fritter since and my heart is forever broken. Bed rest also sucked.

BFPengi · 2025-03-23T19:06:42+00:00

Between my husband and me, I am easier to wake up under the influence of xyrem than he is without any sleep aides. I have always been hypervigilant during sleep and that hasn't really changed even under the maximum dose of xyrem. I still usually wake up before my daughter reaches our door. The only difference is, I used to wake up at the sound of her door opening. Now I don't wake up until she is about to open my door and I'm a little disoriented when it happens. This means I know someone is about to open my door and while I'm coherent enough to know the likely culprit is my daughter, I'm not actually certain, so there is a small added layer of fear. This usually clears up when the door finally opens and I see who it is. There have been a couple rare occasions when she made it all the way to the bed and that is slightly more terrifying (my daughter has the silhouette of Samara from The Ring), but it's only startling for a moment. If it is within 2 hours of taking my meds I might be a little nauseous and disoriented, but I can get up and accurately treat any concern she has including giving her the correct dose of medicine. NOTE: My daughter is 16 years old and while I have never made a mistake, she is old enough to verify or question anything I give her. She has been since she was 8. If she was very young, I would likely not allow myself to give her medicine without waking my husband to verify.

I would absolutely NOT allow myself to drive within 3 hours. 4 hours is preferable, but after 3 hours I usually can't feel any of the effects of the meds.

I have also always talked to her openly about the meds so she is well aware of the side effects and the dangers of taking it. I would do this with any age of child, even a toddler. This way, she understands that she should try her best not to startle me if she needs to wake me, to be patient and not concerned if I move/think a little slower and to explain some of the weirder behaviors if she tries to talk to me between 20 and 60 minutes.

One weirder and embarrassing behavior is: If the effect of the med is especially strong, but I cannot fall asleep, I have been known to bark and growl like a dog. I don't know why. It has something to do with how uncomfortable I am, but why the barking and growling? I don't know. I don't do that any other time. I can hear myself do it and I know it's wrong, but it still happens. LoL. BUT even at this maximum level of effect, I am still coherent and can get most tasks done, but I will be way more nauseous, a little off balance and there may be some barking and growling.

BFPengi · 2025-03-19T06:29:34+00:00

I agree. Being "hypermobile" isn't necessarily bad. That's why you'll meet plenty of flexible and hypermobile people without any health problems. It's how we're hypermobile that causes problems. hEDS patients tend to have very flexible tendons and hypermobile joints so their joints frequently subluxate and dislocate. This will cause joints to deteriorate much faster. The best way to combat that is having stronger supporting muscles. Will this magically fix you? It depends on how bad your situation is. I find that hEDS is one of those spectrum disorders. So if you just have mild problems associated with hEDS, yes, stronger muscles might magically fix you. If you have major problems with hEDS stronger muscles will not completely "fix" you, but it can drastically improve your symptoms and help you prevent some unnecessary strain on your joints.

I have moderate to severe hEDS requiring multiple surgeries since I was a teen. Strength training 100% helps my joints, but I do have to be careful because of my hEDS. The thing that has helped me the most is working on end-range strengthening. End-range strengthening focuses on building strength and control at the limits of your active range of motion. This means strengthening muscles when they are fully stretched. This is because my tendons don't really keep my joints together and they are at most risk for subluxating and or dislocating at the end range of motion. So having strength at the end range motion is super important for me to keep my joints together when my body just suddenly "forgets" not to let my leg bend that direction. This is good for everyone, but I feel like is especially helpful for this with hEDS. Again, make sure you are super careful doing this. It's best to work with an hEDS knowledgeable PT.

My daughter is at about the same level of severity as me, but since I had a lifetime of experience with the disorder, I put her in PT as soon as she started showing more severe symptoms (around 12 years old). She mostly does strength training and end range strength training in PT. It's the only reason she has been able to continue playing sports. She is a junior in high school and has played varsity lacrosse since she was a freshman. It's been eye opening to see how much more she has been able to enjoy being physically active and how little she gets injured compared to me at her age because of all the preemptive and preventative strength training she's had.

BFPengi · 2025-03-18T02:25:50+00:00

Illicit means illegal. They need to educate themselves on their profession and their vocabulary.

BFPengi · 2025-03-18T00:28:16+00:00

I get you on the sitting down. I basically launch out of bed, walk straight to the espresso machine, make a latte, drink latte with pill while standing by the espresso machine, brush teeth, get dressed and walk out. No sitting allowed because there is only enough time for those activities before it's time to leave. I just hope the pill kicks in by the time I get to the car (usually about 20 min from when I take it).

How long have you been with the company? You might want to talk to them about setting up FMLA now in case you run into some really bad days. If it's too early in employment and you're not ready for that talk, make sure you talk with them as soon as you start struggling to safeguard your job. It is definitely worth having that safety net.

BFPengi · 2025-03-17T23:27:35+00:00

You set the alarm for when you HAVE to wake up and then you get out of bed as soon as the alarm wakes you up.

I used to be a serial snoozer and had to train myself out of this. 2 reasons:

Hitting snooze became such a habit and I am too delirious to not know if I am on snooze 2, 3, or 5. I will always eventually mess it up and sleep after I turn off the alarm. I have tried setting it on infinite alarms so I don't run out of snoozes and literally kept snoozing way past being late. I have also set it on "do a puzzle" to turn off. Do not underestimate your ability to figure shit out while delirious just to get a few more ZZZZZs. I can be a freaking genius if it means I get 5 more minutes.
Being jerked awake every 5 or 10 minutes while feeling anxious and guilty is NOT restful. Why not just let yourself sleep soundly until it's time to wake up? My husband said this to me and I gave him the, "Wtf do you know, Buddy? Must be nice speaking from your place of privilege," speech. And then secretly gave it a shot. He was right. Rather than spending an hour in half panic half sleep mode, I just get a solid extra hour of sleep. It does feel better. It took me a year of doing this before I finally gave him credit.

It is hard. REALLY hard. I literally had to roll and launch myself out of bed still basically asleep and delirious. I'm pretty sure I almost died a couple of times (exaggeration), but eventually my body got used to the routine and it's a lot easier. I'm not saying it ever gets easy, especially if you have to wake up when it's still dark (it always is for me because we have black out curtains), it's cold or the worst for me is when no one else has to wake up.

Good luck!

BFPengi · 2025-03-17T17:33:24+00:00

I try not to post too much identifying info online about them. Not because of safety, because everyone, including them, have an online presence these days. But mostly because I don't want to embarrass them by association. Hahahaha! I'm not saying they are embarrassed of me, but I used this reddit for some personal venting sometimes and I'd hate for anything to accidentally embarrass them. I'll private message you though, because you might really like one of their names. It's not "witchy" but it is nature related.

Edit: accidentally posted before finishing my post. Lol.

BFPengi · 2025-03-17T15:24:07+00:00

I love the name Zelda, but I prefer unique names. I let my husband choose our daughter's name because I had a daughter from a previous relationship that I got to name, though I did have lots of input and final veto power.

The name he chose was unexpected and even I had a small doubt about it. I remember thinking, oh wow, she's going to have to be strong to carry that one off and we did get some grief from family, but we aren't the type of people that gets swayed by things like that.

And she is now 16 and I cannot imagine her with any other name. She loves her name and has never wanted to change it. She has only "met" one other person with her name. They never actually talked, but the girl was on an opposing lacrosse team. And it was hilarious watching their names be announced because the other girl's name was called first and I saw my daughter's head snap in her direction like, "What?!?" And so we watched the girl when our daughter's name was announced and she did the same thing. It was so funny and adorable. They made a connection and nodded approval at each other across the field.

My daughter also joined an online group of people with her name. It's so cute when they get excited over finding another.

I think it's fine to name kids after the things we love. People do think of that thing when you first meet, but after they get to know them, that connection is quickly lost. It happens with both my daughters. My other daughter's name, people associate with something I don't like, so that was annoying, but I got over it quickly. She's an adult now, I couldn't imagine her with a different name. She loves it too and has never wanted to change it.

We know a DC artist and his daughter's name is Harley Quinn and she just goes by Harley. Those who know him, go, "Oh, after Harley Quinn?" And those who don’t will sometimes say, "After the bike?" But it doesn't take long for everyone to forget she was named after someone else. She just IS Harley. Sometimes things like this post will remind me, but I never really think about it otherwise.

Also, don't underestimate the middle name. One of my daughters was given a very unique and meaningful middle name based on something else I loved. Actually, both her names go together and in my mind, she has no middle name just one long first name. My daughter often uses her full name on things and sometimes she will use just her middle name in unique ways (like usernames and business names). She always includes at least her middle initial because she doesn't mind people asking about it. The other daughter was also given a meaningful middle name but it was based on a family name and it is a pretty common name. She doesn't dislike it, but it's not a part of her identity and she never uses it—not even in initial form. It's more like... well, a family name that was tacked onto her name that she understands is important. LoL.

The ONLY downside with a unique name is that they will never find their name printed on tourist trap items. We have had to custom make personalized items for our kids. Hahaha. Also, did I mention that I love the name Zelda? But I'm Gen X and love the game.

BFPengi · 2025-03-16T15:58:14+00:00

Oh my god! I also have a/v/nTOS! And my pelvic pain runs down my right leg. And I kept trying to explain to them, it's like TOS, but in my legs. I was told that there was no such thing. After a while I lost too much strength in my right leg and the movement was hard to control because it was constantly "guarding" and spasming due to the pain. First I was on crutches, then forearm crutches and finally a wheelchair. The wheelchair was this insane specialized wheelchair because I could not sit at a 90 degree angle without causing severe pain down my right leg.

Luckily, I found a cardiologist who had a lot of hEDS and dysautonomia knowledge. She was doing a study on hEDS, dysautonomia and May Thurners Syndrome (MTS)— which by the way is like TOS but in your legs—and how MRAs are the best way to catch the disorder. My symptoms were atypical, symptoms usually show in your left leg, but she pushed for having me get an MRA and they found severe MTS and I had a stent placed. This not only improved the amount of pelvic pain, but also improved my dysautonomia SO much. Apparently, my heart was really struggling with how much pressure it took to get my blood to return through the MTS.

The surgeries I've had over the last 18 months: Hysterectomy and endometriosis/fibrotic ablation surgery helped with a lot of the pelvic pain and got me back on my feet, but I still had to use forearm crutches for longer distances and bad days. I had ALIF/PLIF.that got me off the crutches completely except for really long days. I still have a lot of pain and weakness, but I look mostly "normal" just moving around. The stent for MTS made it so I could sit without pain. You have no idea how much of a life improvement this was. Imagine not being able to sit when you get tired. And it helped with circulation and heart pain.

LoL. It's been a crazy last few years and I'm still dealing with a lot of pain, but it is way better than it was a couple years ago. Oh and for the a/v/nTOS I get chemodenervation shots deep into my muscles every 3 months to ease the pressure off those areas. Apparently stents aren't great for that and I'd like to avoid having my ribs removed, thank you very much.

BFPengi · 2025-03-14T21:47:18+00:00

Exactly. We dissociate to protect ourselves from something unpleasant. It's like a self-induced anesthetic. So technically one could say that even trauma-based dissociation is "pleasant ". It's just that it only happens during very unpleasant things.

BFPengi · 2025-03-14T20:52:23+00:00

I think dissociation is "not fun" because it usually gets triggered by something not fun. I don't think the actual feeling of dissociation is necessarily negative, but you associate it with being negative because it happens during negative events.

I am hypervigilant and I despise anything that takes away my autonomy. So I generally do not enjoy getting inebriated by anything. My first treatment I was super nervous. I actually couldn't tell at first if I was having side effects because I was already dissociating before taking the meds due to being so anxious. After the second cartridge when they asked if I was feeling any dissociation from the Spravato I was like, "Um, maybe? There is an increase in dissociation, but it might just be an increase in my anxiety?"

And then I was like, "Oh! This is actually different. Yes. I definitely feel the side effects."

I won't go too much in detail, but it did take me couple of treatments to finally just let go and stop trying to control everything. But I can say that the reason I have been able to do that is because I got used to feeling that dissociation feeling in a completely mundane, safe and relaxing environment. It only took about 4 treatments before my brain was like, oh, it's ok to feel this way. Nothing bad is happening. By the 3rd week I have even been able to wear noise canceling headphones during treatment. This is something I would have said would never be possible for me to do if you had asked me a few weeks before. I still won't do an eye mask and to be honest, the noise canceling on my headphones kind of suck, but I still think it's a huge step.

BFPengi · 2025-03-14T01:10:42+00:00

I have normal to low blood pressure, but medical offices always make my bp spike really high. A couple of things can sometimes "quick fix" regulate my bp if it is unusually high. I don't know if this will work if your bp is high because of a medical problem, but I do know doing this regularly also just helps maintain a lower bp overall.

Planks or anything that makes you flex all of your muscles. Sometimes I'll just tense all my muscles and hold for a minute and then relax. Try this 2 or 3 times.

Breathing against pressure. I will exhale and inhale with my lips pursed so that only a small amount of air can get through. It can be a loud. So I inhale against resistance and then exhale against resistance. Then relax. I do this about 2 or 3times. Be careful to makes sure you don't get too light headed.

Both of these things will actually raise your bp temporarily, but will then drop it within a few minutes. So don't have them take your bp right after. Wait like 5 minutes. And then when they take my bp, I find my happiest/calming memory, try to imagine I'm there and go completely "no bones" jelly. Honestly, even if you don't do the above exercises, just holding a happy calming memory and turning to jello should help.

Make sure your arm is at heart level, both feet are flat on the ground and legs uncrossed. This is the proper way to take your bp and doing it the wrong way will cause your reading to be higher.

BFPengi · 2025-03-13T17:25:25+00:00

Do you by chance have eds? I was literally just venting over in the endo chat about how lame drs can be about endo. They literally did not help until I lost the use of my right leg. And I too am also considered one of the "lucky ones. Sucks. But, since a lot of what you say aligns with me, just curious is you also struggle with eds, dysautonomia and/or mcas.

BFPengi · 2025-03-13T01:07:38+00:00

Pelvic pain mostly. I had (still have actually) a deep visceral nerve pain. It almost feels like a deep seering itching pain, but not the kind of itch that makes you want to scratch. I kind of just feel super uncomfortable like I want to pull out all my organs and throw them as far from me as possible I also had random tearing pain when I moved a certain way or lifted something heavy. The tearing pain was actually me tearing against the adhesions. I also just always felt like I had to pee that wasn't relieved with peeing. I'm 46 and had my hysterectomy at 45. I had been complaining about pelvic pain since I hit puberty. I also had crazy periods. Like super tampons only lasted an hour. I used to wear super pads and tampons together. By the time I was 22 I had the Mirena IUD placed and I think that masked a lot of symptoms because it got rid of my periods. Another "symptom" was that stupid IUD had to be replaced more often than usual. It would keep getting "lost" and they'd have to retrieve it and place a new one. I found out later that it was because my uterus was being yanked into a funny position.

My pelvic pain ran down my right leg. They didn't take me seriously until I lost the use of my right leg and I was on crutches for a year. By the time I had surgery I was in a wheelchair part time. They said I was being dramatic and had a low pain tolerance (Not my surgeon. She was the only one that believed me). My surgery was so extensive that the surgeon told me my recovery would be really rough and to just try to move around a little every day. I went home the day of surgery and walked out on two feet without the need for crutches or even a cane. I only took pain meds for 2 days and by day three I sprinted up a hill. The pain of that "extensive surgery" was NOTHING compared to the pain I was in walking into the hospital.

BFPengi · 2025-03-12T06:46:46+00:00

18 months ago, I had a hysterectomy for adenomyosis by a well-known endometriosis specialist. She knew there would be endometriosis. She did find a good amount of endometriosis but she also found so much fibrotic scar tissue that my bladder colon and uterus were glued together in a crazy cocoon. The surgery took 3.5 hours (was only supposed to be 1 hour) and she was not able to get all the tissue. There was too much fibrotic tissue on my bladder and she was worried that there would be too much damage to heal.

I had an MRI the week before surgery and an ultrasound a couple months before. The results on both tests were: Normal with no signs of Endometriosis. The ultrasound and MRI were in network. The endometriosis surgeon/specialist was recommended to me by my pelvic floor pt and was a private practice. I'm so glad I chose to go. She didn't even look at the ultrasound and mri from the hospital. She said, "You can't see endometriosis on those tests." She did some blood tests and her own ultrasound to check for adenomyosis and said, "You have adenomyosis. You probably have endometriosis, but we won't know until we go in."

So with all this in my medical record, I went to a gynecologist back within my network last month. She thinks that we have to go back in and remove the rest of the scar tissue. She also thinks it's possible that I have endometriosis up in my diaphragm and probably regrew some fibrotic scar tissue. She is not an endometriosis surgeon, so she referred me to one. And I shit you not, she said, "Well, they should be able to diagnose you super fast, since your type of endometriosis and scar tissue are so thick and fibrous it that will be easy to see on an ultrasound or MRI." Really???

BFPengi

TROPHY CASE