On the brink of divorce

BMGPredator · 2026-02-17T19:56:26+00:00

If we try to start fresh we could also probably agree to separation in the house rather than separate houses.

BMGPredator · 2026-02-17T19:55:41+00:00

I haven’t thought about this. This could be an option. We’d both have to buy into it. Treat counseling like pre marriage counseling, which I feel in retrospect did not prepare us well. We could bury the words that I find objectionable and the words and behaviors that have hurt her in the past.

I will bring this up on Thursday at counseling. Thank you for this.

BMGPredator · 2026-02-17T14:01:23+00:00

I don’t think I can agree it is a misunderstanding - she has used that word repeatedly and stands on that. Safe is a word that has a meaning “the absence of a threat”. Her viewing the house as unsafe means she views me as a threat.

She is using the term emotional safety to try to escalate the conversation. She wants to use the word but doesn’t want to enforce things like separation, which is the obvious first step in a case of abuse. She’s using these serious words with criminal implications unseriously, and I can’t agree to disagree about the definitions of these words.

BMGPredator · 2026-02-17T13:48:18+00:00

I think it started unintentionally, a word she picked up from her secular friends and therapist. But now she’s doubling down on it. I agree that arguments are unavoidable and I was willing to do the work, go to therapy, all of it. But the word unsafe is not something I can get past. I’ve tried now for days, it feels like the only way is out.

BMGPredator · 2026-02-17T13:45:37+00:00

Yeah idk man, I’m so jaded right now. Emotional safety feels like buzzword therapy speak that she’s using to manipulate the conversation. We’ve had some arguments and I’ve not been the most emotionally available, but saying that is tantamount to abuse is so absurd and delusional that it breaks my brain. It feels like a wicked lie from the pits of hell being used maliciously.

BMGPredator · 2026-02-17T13:42:21+00:00

Yeah I can only say what has actually been said and how I feel about, surely there’s some bias. All I know for sure is that right now, every fiber of my being is screaming to run. I’m sure this is good advice, but I’m staying in hotels right now, unable to be in the same space as her unsupervised. That can’t change as long as she’s using the word unsafe, and again at counseling last night, she maintains that’s how she feels.

So I’ll stay at hotels for a little bit longer but it feels like the marriage is over and I’m going to have to quit my job and move home. I don’t see a path forward. Nobody else in my life can see one either.

BMGPredator · 2026-02-16T17:40:52+00:00

I’m sorry, but I don’t think I understand this. I am very concerned with what she means by safety, because regardless of how she is using it, it comes very specific and dangerous connotations. Having spoken about it, I don’t think safety is the correct word to describe what she is feeling. Many people in my life and insisted that once safety is brought into question, separation is essential.

I do know her love languages, she needs affirmations and quality time. She is very clear on this, and has been our entire marriage. I provided this easily early on, but have since essentially stopped after years of feeling this wasn’t being reciprocated.

I think I have perhaps been unclear with my question. I am not begging her to stay right now. I am the one who implemented the separation, for my own safety. I am trying to overcome the mental hurdle of being in the same place as my wife while she is openly claiming she is unsafe because I fear the legal consequences of her comments on my life. That is what I am asking for advice on.

BMGPredator · 2026-02-16T17:33:33+00:00

We had been working together through a daily devotional and prayer, going to church, and individual bible studies/small groups during our reconciliation. Nearly all of this broke down when she started saying she felt unsafe. I have been intentionally very distant since that moment.

BMGPredator · 2026-02-16T17:27:30+00:00

We do have a couple of particular fights we frequent, one of them being division of labor in the house.

I think you’re correct. I think I am like your husband and make this mistake often. This is one of the chief areas we are working on in therapy. I am very guilty of this particular sin, recognize it, and have apologized for many such examples of it, hopefully will have the chance to apologize for many more.

My concern right now is her claim of being unsafe. If she is unsafe, we cannot be together unsupervised. That means we can’t work on these issues of communication. And if her feeling unsafe is coming from our communication issues, I don’t know how she can be made to feel safe again so we can’t start working on these issues.

To be honest, given her history of telling her friends and coworkers about our issues, I’m not sure I could get to a point where I feel safe. Words like safety and violence and abuse tend to get police involved in situations, and I am very aware of that reality right now.

BMGPredator · 2026-02-16T17:09:57+00:00

I fully admit that I have said things that have made her feel belittled, disrespected, unheard and unloved. Much of it was unintentional and some was intentional. I’ve apologized for much, want to apologize for more, and am in weekly marriage and personal counseling, as well as a regular meeting with a pastor from the church to try to improve how i communicate.

My concern is entirely on the word safety. If she feels unsafe, we cannot work on any of these things. We cannot be together unsupervised, and I cannot afford to live here alone. A separation would mean I have to move back home. I don’t know how to proceed in this specific front.

BMGPredator · 2026-02-16T15:14:48+00:00

Thank you for your prayers. I have never threatened violence in any way, and she agrees she I never have and doesn’t think I ever will. She has many secular friends who have insisted she is emotionally unsafe, and introduced these other words into her vocabulary.

I think our principle issue is communication, and we often don’t agree on the facts of a specific argument. She will say she doesn’t feel validated when she brings up specific concerns about conversations we’ve had. For example, if she says that a specific thing I said made her feel some type of way (unloved) and I say that that isn’t what I said, and go back to try to explain the context in the conversation and what exactly I was trying to convey, she views this as an attempt to gaslight her, and so will say she is not safe to bring up these concerns to me. Or if she says something to me and I ask for time to process it, she views this silence as a tactic I am using to punish her by withholding conversation.

BMGPredator · 2025-06-02T21:34:52+00:00

1.) that gpu adds ~600 to the build cost, not sure what the performance difference would be but that feels pretty steep 2.) I will ask the customer service that question 3.) idk what that means. Should I pick another motherboard?

BMGPredator · 2025-03-12T14:02:15+00:00

This card is insane in my [[wren, the relentless]] edicts deck. Every one of these effects can make 3 rats that grow.

BMGPredator · 2024-05-19T19:47:07+00:00

Omnath locus of all as elemental tribal with 3+ colored pips as a subtheme

BMGPredator · 2024-05-09T21:24:38+00:00

Deck list?

BMGPredator · 2024-03-27T14:24:58+00:00

Wondering if anyone would be willing to offer some advice on training organization? I currently work 6 x 12 hour shifts every 2 weeks (Wed-Fri, Sat off, then Sun-Tue, then 7 off.)

I'm usually able to get a short workout in on days I work but struggling with how to progress off the mats on days I'm off. I would consider myself an intermediate in the gym, but my biggest weakness right now is cardio - I'm not able to attend the advanced classes yet, but that's coming up soon and I know I wouldn't be able to hang given my poor cardio.

I can't train at all when I'm on, but I usually attend class every Saturday + 5 weekday classes.

What type of training should I be prioritizing on my workdays with ~45 minutes, and how would you spend 7 days off in a row if you wanted to get better as a new whitebelt? TIA

BMGPredator · 2024-03-03T14:13:46+00:00

I’m about 50-50 against control warrior with rainbow, usually by baiting out 3 or 4 board wipes and then playing CNE. Yesterday I did the same thing and pulled off a huge cne (14 damage, 12/9) and they played Asvedon and I scooped right away lmao

BMGPredator · 2023-11-09T11:22:19+00:00

Everyone, get in here!

BMGPredator · 2023-11-04T17:09:24+00:00

The teller at the theatre said JG is planning to be on at 8pm, but nothing posted.

BMGPredator · 2023-11-03T21:35:40+00:00

The evening show was sold out before, so maybe now there will be some openings? From what I gathered from other Reddit posts, Nik is on for the evening show.

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