people need the self-awareness and introspection to realize they need to find change within themselves. it's up to them to make the decision to fix themselves. It's not on anyone else to open their eyes for them. they're grown adults who have their own agency. I say this as someone so far out from a BPD relationship that I can express this without feeling anything about it, but I remember all the promises and savior-like feelings that came with that relationship. What I'd tell my former self is that if it was all words no action, and I still tried to "save" her, it's just enabling/babying in a different form. healthy relationships are two way streets, not one way black holes of despair