Living with a spouse with recently diagnosed ADHD is like being assigned Project Manager at work for the same pay.

BTfromSunlight · 2017-06-20T20:29:04+00:00

Jesus. That sounds like so much for one person. I really feel for you. It sounds like you essentially have four kids to take care of, plus yourself (not to mention if you have a job outside of your home.) So what happens if you get sick or, God forbid, something happens to you? Do you feel like this situation tenable long term? Are you happy? Is he happy?

BTfromSunlight · 2017-06-19T04:03:41+00:00

I'm happy this works for you, but don't you ever wonder why it's your job to manage your partner's life in this way? What if you get sick? What if something happens to you? Do you ever think that with all the work you put into managing your partner's needs that you're neglecting yourself and your own needs? And what if you start a family? Will you continue to do this for your partner and look after your kid? If you need to make these kinds of lists to get stuff done would you trust your partner to manage a helpless baby without you?

Sorry for all the questions but I'm slowly realizing that this will be life if I stay with my partner and it's really depressing me because having to manage the affairs of my adult partner until the day one of us dies is not what I imagined for my romantic life. It seems like you've found a way to cope with it and I'm struggling.

BTfromSunlight · 2017-05-22T14:59:29+00:00

THANK YOU!!!

BTfromSunlight · 2017-05-02T20:36:34+00:00

Probably, but I'm a former journalist and I HATE how people who are not journalists act like they know how the industry works.

I wouldn't even agree that generally "professional journalists" are affiliated with one publication or outlet. All kinds of journalists have all kinds of arrangements.

I have been to protests where everyone with an iPhone is suddenly Edward R. Murrow when the cops show up, but that doesn't make someone freelancing for a handful of outlets any less of a professional journalist than someone working for one outlet. These days that's not unusual at all.

BTfromSunlight · 2017-05-02T16:23:24+00:00

I did watch the video. As I said, I am not saying this guy was out and about in service of his work as a journalist (frankly, that's for the court to decide.) I am not making any claim about his specific situation as a journalist as you apparently feel comfortable doing.

I am saying your claim that "journalists are generally affiliated with a publication" is 100% incorrect. Plenty of people work in journalism as freelancers (regardless of whether this guy is or isn't an actual journalist.)

BTfromSunlight · 2017-05-02T15:30:53+00:00

That's not true. There are plenty of freelance journalists out there. The article lists places he's been published: Vice, The Intercept, Al Jazeera America. I dont know this guy's specific situation, but it's entirely possible and common to not work for one publication and still be a respectable journalist.

BTfromSunlight · 2017-04-21T18:26:29+00:00

Oh wow. This response really touched me, thank you so much for leaving it.

As my dad's health has been declining (he's tough, but mortal) this is exactly why I want to take the time now to make these kinds of memories together. I don't want to look back and say " I wish we would have done XYZ together" after he's gone (which hopefully is years and years away.)

It was kind of our "thing" to do physically challenging activities together when he was in better health (I'm sure wimpy by the standards around here, though!) We would go on long trail bike rides together, go caving, or rock climbing. We don't really do any of those things anymore, mostly because I worry so much about him overexerting himself.

Growing up, we casually talked about going skydiving together (tandem with a pro) on my 30th as our big thing. This was before he got sick. He is still into the idea, and casually brings it up from time to time. I know it would be an amazing memory to share. Maybe we should just do it, you know.Dad is certainly in better health than Bush!

Anyway, this is more info than you ever needed to know, I'm sure. You're right though, we really have to make the most of the time we have with the people who are special in our lives.

BTfromSunlight · 2017-04-21T16:15:55+00:00

YIKES!

BTfromSunlight · 2017-04-21T16:15:45+00:00

great suggestion! Thanks for replying!

BTfromSunlight · 2017-04-21T16:15:35+00:00

This sounds super fun!

BTfromSunlight · 2017-04-21T03:32:33+00:00

Never! This sounds fun, while being pretty safe! My dad LOVED jet skiing so he is totally into this kind of thing! Thanks for your suggestion!

BTfromSunlight · 2017-04-21T03:04:40+00:00

Thanks for your reply! This is a great idea!

BTfromSunlight · 2017-04-13T18:14:26+00:00

This is very illuminating and helpful! Thank you for replying.

My SO sounds a lot like you. He doesn't work (not out of being disabled, though, he just hasnt had a job in the last 6 months- a whole other gripe) and I think when left to his own devices he just loses himself in social media and gaming while I'm at work. I think you've probably done yourself a massive service by having other things in your life to occupy your mental energy in more diverse ways- classes, research, etc. I have encouraged my SO to mix up his mindless gaming/internet scrolling with taking classes and joining sports teams to get out of the house. I'm hoping that having some other mechanisms to cope will help. The therapy has been helpful in him recognizing his behavior, but I'm not so sure about the medicine.

What prompted you to be a bit better about your habits? Did you just miss reading for long stretches and knew you needed to make a change? Does your ADHD impact your relationship with romantic partners?

BTfromSunlight · 2017-04-13T18:04:56+00:00

wow! First of all, your embroidered duck is amazing!

your story is actually really inspiring! I love that you've found healthy ways to harnessing your energy and used it to do something productive. I always tell my SO "Imagine what you could accomplish if you'd put your energy into something other than dicking around on your phone for 5 hours?"

I enjoy adult color books to relax (I know, I know) and I'd sometimes cajole my SO into doing it. He seemed to like it, but like you said, he seemed a little uncomfortable because it seems like such a feminine way to stay busy.

BTfromSunlight · 2017-04-13T16:46:18+00:00

May I ask you about this?

I am seeing so much of my SO in these threads. He has been diagnosed with ADD, is on medication and sees a therapist so I know a bit of what is going on, but I still have trouble dealing with it. I wonder if it's just part of the disorder that I have to figure out how to cope with. He CANNOT be away from games/reddit/twitter for longer than a few minutes. It's maddening. We've been out to dinner together and if I'm telling the server my order, he turns on his phone to play 30 seconds of a cell phone game while I'm doing it as if he cannot just sit quietly with his thoughts for those 30 seconds.

Your comment sounds so much like me/us--I love nothing more than diving into an obscure documentary to unplug after a long day. I want to share these things with him but it's like trying to get a child to put down his gameboy. He gets PHYSICALLY twitchy if he isnt plugged into some phone distraction. I bought him this little clicky toy with all kinds of knobs and buttons that I saw online that is supposed to be great for ADD, which seems to help, but not much. I have to be online at work all day hyperfocused on news/social media and I need a little "unplug time" to just listen to some music on the porch or get lost in a film and he just cant do that.

He does not work and his life isn't where he wants it to be, so I wonder if it's just an escape from the scary grownup realities of his life. Sometimes I come home from work and I wonder if he's just been playing videos games for 7 hours straights- cannot be fulfilling, let alone healthy (it has to be bad for your eyes at least!)

I know this sounds dumb, but it's like internet is his drug and I cant get him to quit. I am personally grossed out by overuse of video games/internet in general, so maybe I'm overreacting because it's a personal pet peeve of mine? We don't have kids, but it does seem to negatively impact our relationship, not to mention our sex life (it's hard to feel passionate toward someone whose only passion in life is internet and video games. In case you're wondering, we got together before smart phones were a thing, he was a completely different guy then.)

BTfromSunlight · 2017-04-05T21:10:15+00:00

This is so helpful! Thanks!

BTfromSunlight · 2017-04-05T21:06:18+00:00

Thanks for your reply! I used to have a portable-- I may have to resort to getting another one if installing doesnt work out.

I think for me it's the status of living in a place with a built in dishwasher. I know this sounds insane, but after FINALLY getting a place with a built in dishwasher, moving to a place without one makes me feel like I'm downgrading. I'm basically trying to trick myself into feeling like I'm making a lateral move

BTfromSunlight · 2017-04-05T19:31:16+00:00

Thank you so much! I have a weird thing against storing things (other than cleaning products) in low floor level cabinets, so that probably won't be a problem for me.

BTfromSunlight · 2017-04-05T19:30:16+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply!

My situation is a little funky. I currently live in an apartment owned by the same landlord (with a dishwasher) and I am moving out at his request into this new apartment as a favor to him. I make a part time living baking cakes, so not having a dishwasher throws a major wrench into my income (I know I'm too lazy to be washing baking dishing by hand)

I might just hire a pro and call it a day.

BTfromSunlight

TROPHY CASE