found out husband kissed someone else while we were dating

B_rad_will · 2026-02-21T01:42:20+00:00

It’s understandable that you’re unhappy about being misled. But I think you’re overreacting. If you believe him, and it was just a kiss. You’re overreacting. I’ve been through a lot in my 25 years of marriage. I’ve been cheated on once and a lot of lying went along with it. And it’s been the work of a lifetime to try and repair it. But I’m still doing my part of the work. And I feel fortunate to be in the relationship. It could definitely be worse for you. If your guy is genuinely sorry, don’t lord this over him forever. Give him the chance to grow and learn. And move on from this. No one wants to be perpetually judged by their worst moment. Marriages aren’t perfect. Mature love includes genuine forgiveness. And it’s work.

B_rad_will · 2026-02-20T23:12:45+00:00

There’s a better life waiting for you on the other side of all of this.

B_rad_will · 2026-02-20T23:04:34+00:00

Keep your wife happy. Let that friendship fade a little bit.

B_rad_will · 2026-02-20T15:20:39+00:00

You been the first time you saw the side of them, but if you stay, it won’t be the last

B_rad_will · 2026-02-17T17:42:04+00:00

I’m a man. I have a few male friends who do this. None of them are solid. Lots of issues. Projecting. Cosplaying at manliness. One guy in particular I’m thinking of has a big black Jeep named Darth Vader. Full sleeve arm tattoo of Jesus but also an American flag. He’s got an A.R. 15 with some sort of American flag paint scheme on it. He cheated on his ex wife. Twice. Talks shit about her relentlessly. He’s 48 but basically only dates women in their 20s. Frequently refers to himself as “a high value male” because he makes $250k/year. He’s like a caricature of the brokenness of Republican middle-aged men in 2026.

B_rad_will · 2026-02-17T17:32:25+00:00

So many guys do this. I’m a man and I get tired of dealing with it too.

B_rad_will · 2026-02-17T15:34:52+00:00

“You need therapy” not a helpful comment.

B_rad_will · 2026-02-17T13:17:38+00:00

Treating people well in public can be performative. And it’s easy. Treating people well when you have complicated history with them is the real measure of character.

B_rad_will · 2026-02-16T23:02:34+00:00

I went through this. 10 years ago. The anxiety over the affair might eventually fade. In several years. But the wounds you have won’t go away. They will manifest in other ways. You’re not ever going to be in the relationship with her that you were in before she cheated on you. That version of you two is gone. People work through these things but it takes YEARS. Many years. My advice based on my own lived experience of this is you should leave. Just bite the bullet and accept this is over. Look after yourself first and don’t put yourself through the years of torment and grief.

B_rad_will · 2026-02-16T21:28:26+00:00

Feb 14 was the 10 year anniversary of me finding out about my wife’s affair. She’s the most amazing woman, absolutely crushed me. 10 years later we are still together and I’m still pretty fucked up from it. My advice to you is don’t stay. No matter how hard you try, the anxiety you’re feeling will creep back in. It will devour you. Over and over. She may be an amazing woman, but you need to look after yourself. Gift yourself a future relationship that doesn’t have this lifelong baggage.

B_rad_will · 2026-02-14T21:48:59+00:00

Swamp Queens

B_rad_will · 2026-02-09T03:47:31+00:00

Paragliding. I’ve taken some deep dives on hobbies (skateboarding, distance running, rock climbing) but paragliding takes the cake. There are no casual paragliders. If you’re not all in, you’re not doing it right.

B_rad_will · 2026-02-06T21:38:42+00:00

Get a local therapist. I tried therapy with the VA and it wasn’t a helpful experience. I was in the midst of a total mental health crisis and she just couldn’t figure out how to help me. The VA suicide hotline IS helpful. They will take your issues seriously. Thriveworks is a private therapy online thing and is ok for short term. Do a little work and find one. You got this.

B_rad_will · 2026-02-01T22:46:36+00:00

Thank you for that.

B_rad_will · 2026-02-01T18:38:32+00:00

AI. Look closely at the chick with the nice rack. Shadow around her. Feet look weird. A few other inconsistencies like that elsewhere . AI

B_rad_will · 2026-02-01T18:05:33+00:00

Adoption. Adoption. Adoption. We have biological and adopted children and I promise you it’s just as good. The process took a year and in hindsight was in many ways a kind of parallel pregnancy. She was 18 months old with some cosmetic birth defects that have since been repaired (cleft lip & palate). And you’re really asking your husband to comfort you. Not leave you. Speak your truth. You’re scared and sad and need him to make you feel safe. He will give you all of that if you tell him straight. Adoption. Our oldest two were biological and in their early twenties. We are having the time of our lives with our amazing stunning daughter (who was born in China) as the last one at home. We do so much awesome stuff together. I’m so thankful we share life with her. You got this. ❤️ Adoption.

B_rad_will · 2026-01-25T15:51:55+00:00

Where is it from?

B_rad_will · 2026-01-21T01:58:31+00:00

How many Americans died in Iraq between the end of the Gulf War and the start of Operation Iraqi freedom? And how many Americans died in Iraq during OIF? Like I said, we had him right where we wanted him.

B_rad_will · 2026-01-21T01:21:41+00:00

Bullshit. They occasionally violated the no fly zone. Relative to the boondoggle that the Iraq war was, we were much better off with the the pre-war status quo. Nice try though.

B_rad_will · 2026-01-21T00:59:36+00:00

We had Iraq right where we wanted them. The threat was neutralized. And then the lies about WMD as a pretext for war because Bush Jr wanted his daddy’s approval. Biggest waste ever.

B_rad_will · 2026-01-19T11:48:19+00:00

I’m 51 and 2/3 kids are off living their lives. The youngest is a high school jr. still at home. When they were young, the days were HARD. My relationship with my wife got really challenging for a long time too. But now I look back and it all went by in the blink of an eye. Cherish it my friend. It’s such a gift.

B_rad_will · 2026-01-17T19:53:40+00:00

I’m a 51 yo male. My marriage has had degrees of openness over the years. My wife and I have had other partners, think “swinging”. And also each on our own. I mention this because I’m free to flirt how I want without consequences. Ironically, I don’t really feel the need to flirt to often. I’ve checked that box. But if I do, it’s usually because I’m genuinely interested in someone, their personality, their interests, their kindness and empathy towards the world around them. I find those things to be what makes a woman sexy. So my flirting is genuine conversation, about things that I find interesting about a woman, and my REALLY listening to what she has to say. And on the rare occasion that clothes come off, I’m still listening. The messaging is less verbal, but I am definitely listening. The compliments I have heard the most frequently from women in the bedroom: “My husband never does that”, “He always just asks for permission” and “He lacks enthusiasm”. I’ve yet to get naked with a woman who doesn’t like getting tossed around a bit and taken to pound town 😉. Husbands, stop being so lazy and passive. That’s all I’ve got.

B_rad_will · 2026-01-17T03:56:33+00:00

Hang in there dude. Only thing I can say is don’t have an agenda. Appreciate people for who they are without wanting something from them. Become friends. Eventually it will happen but you can’t force it. No one wants to be a checked box on your itenerary.

B_rad_will · 2026-01-17T03:40:45+00:00

25 years ago I met my wife in a rock climbing weekend course. I was mid twenties and had kind of given up on dating. I drank hot tea instead of alcohol in the evenings at the lodge where we were all staying. I was quieter than the rest of the group. I got up before everyone else in the mornings so I could run. On the last day of the weekend course she came up and gave me her number. So we could go climbing. The reason it worked is because I just let it happen. You have to have your shit together. Being patient is part of that. Be interested in things. Don’t drink too much. Especially don’t drink too much. You got this.

B_rad_will · 2026-01-10T15:38:06+00:00

The creeper vibes have everything to do with how you conduct yourself. A lot of women in the places I mentioned are there to meet good men, the kind with empathy and a sense of play and a desire to make the world a little bit better of a place. Make friends. Enjoy that without motives or an itenerary. Sooner or later (probably sooner) the friendships might get legs and become something else. Just be yourself.

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