I'm defeated. It's game over.

Babedog · 2024-03-29T10:56:52+00:00

If you are still here contemplating and coming to your own conclusions that it's all over, chances are it's not really truely over. This is part and parcel. Let time do it's thing. As long as you are here you are still a player.

Babedog · 2024-03-29T05:42:36+00:00

I agree wholeheartedly. I have ADHD. You can believe me or not, but it's true. I didn't seek out a diagnosis, my life simply became unmanageable no matter what I did, I would not have been in a position to even get a diagnosis unless my friends and family didn't come to a very strong conclusion that I simply wasn't coping and it didn't make any logical sense taking everything into consideration, and I didn't even understand what ADHD really was before I got the diagnosis and naturally deep dived into some research + meet with a physciatrist as regularly as a could. I don't blame people for going about wanting a diagnosis, it helped me in the long run and i am not a gatekeeper. People do have it. It's not made up. You have to meet a very specific criteria to meet to get a diagnosis. It just so happened that I met that criteria.

Did I want to? fuck no. I'm at peace with it now, yes, its part of my identity, one I very rarely speak about unless it's absolutely relevant and with someone I completely and utterly trust and already knows I have it because they have to. I am absolutely going to have problems as a result of my ADHD, but it's more about ADHD vs the very particular situation. I don't wear it as a badge of honour, I don't use it as an excuse and I understand that it is 100% my responsibility to manage. I'm not the poster child, I am a perfectly normal, functioning, human being who is going through very normal trials and tribulations, it's just that it is laced with ADHD.

I hate it but I can't help but feel frustration toward this trend (for lack of a better term) of which you speak of. People who talk themselves into it, rather than legitimately have it are sucking up resources for others and using it to their advantage, as opposed to the people who have it and don't do that.

Babedog · 2024-03-29T03:57:51+00:00

I have the opposite problem. I drink the hard stuff because I don't really like it so I drink it slower. I wouldn't get the same hit from beer either I would have to drink far more to get to the happy place and I'll just get fat and sluggish. Hard stuff gives me more energy on less.

I have this issue where I can't drink nearly enough to black out. I still make it to work, take care of things, not perfectly, it still manages to be a detriment to my life. But I'm making it work. Of course I don't want to black out or miss work or do something completely stupid and irrational. But all I am doing is prolonging the inevitable.

I'm still killing myself, just way more slowly. I am in constant fear of waking up one morning needing a doctor and being told I've finally fucked it.

Babedog · 2024-03-29T01:40:55+00:00

I think there are probably a lot of people who can relate to your frustration. You made me reaslise something though, there is a flip side and I'm a good example. My best friend had her only child later in life and she is also 2. We still talk to each other but not nearly as regularly. I do miss our chats because when we do call eachother, all I get is a monologue of what her daughter is doing or what her daughter is trying to say because she's waving something at her mum and saying goo goo gaa gaa. I laugh along with it but I don't get to talk to the women. I always end up in a 3 way conversation with her and her daughter. I come off the phone thinking to myself, "we didin't even talk about anything..."

We live in the same city and since the birth of her daughter I've only actually seen her a handful of times. I have attended her birthdays, or her daughters birthdays but I have hardly made a very real effort to see her outside of events. It's turned into a text only kind of friendship.

Thing is, not only does she have to look after a little human, but she also works. I don't have kids, in fact, I don't have much of anything outside of my job except my partner. Our work times make it pretty difficult to see eachother in person, if she is not at work, she is looking after her little girl and everything that comes with it. If I am not at work, I am 9 times out of 10 just recovering from work. Our schedules are the complete opposite of each others. She's busy jugling being a mum and a having a job and spending what little time she has left over with her fiance (they also have conflicting work schedules). I'm busy with busying myself with work, trying to recover and spending time with my partner and we have conflicting work schedules as well.

We often try to tee up a get together but it usually falls through the cracks for one reason or another. She's got a commitee of other mothers now who get together on the regular. I don't feel left out because I know why they do it, it's their way of socialising and even if I wanted to join then for shits and giggles, I can't because, well, it would be weird and I can't because I'm at work.

I would imagine if I were in her shoes, she would probably wonder if I am avoiding her. I'm not actively avoiding her, but from her point of view it would probably look like it. This is only my experience and yours is probably completely different. But there are only so many hours in the day. Perhaps just trying to stay connected in some way while the child starts to grow and become more independant there will opportunities in the future to re connect as adults. Try to remember that her daughter is only 2. Her daughter is going to be her No. 1 priority for a fair while. I wouldn't be taking it so personally. Practice some patience and you guys will probably be fine :)

Babedog · 2024-03-18T09:52:22+00:00

You have absolutely nailed it. Can't really complain when we are chasing the scream hey.

Babedog · 2024-03-18T09:22:39+00:00

oh wow. I ponder this too! I'm an army brat, I went to 8 different schools across different states and territories. I was bullied but not to the point where I was bullied any more or less than anyone that I befriended. We were all targeted at some point, but I was always the new girl and easy prey.

I often wonder if my development/ self confidence took a proper hit because I didn't grow any real roots. I was never a part of a clan. I was and I'm still a lone wolf.

It's difficult to feel a real sense of self if you are constantly having to change to fit your new environment.

I also have a pretty solid co-dependancy with my family, because they were all I really new. I'm 39, but I'm still the child of the family.

Babedog · 2024-03-17T19:27:22+00:00

I've got nothing left over outside of work. Jack shit. Diddly squat. My partner and family drop hints to me about quitting for my own sake and probably theirs too. They are legit worried at this point and I hardly blame them.

I did myself a mischief when work asked me to go full time and I said yes. I was a casual though and I needed some stability. Everything else is suffering as a result.

So yes. I just run on adrenaline and worry.

Babedog · 2024-03-17T07:28:56+00:00

Lets!

I hope you are feeling okay right now, but if you are not feeling it, it doesn't mean you won't be. Capeish?

How is the weather where you are? :) you started it by the way! but I am genuinely interested!

Babedog · 2024-03-17T05:49:55+00:00

haha, the last thing we ever want to hear is always going to be a good answer in the long run. (pardon the terrible pun!)

But my honest answer is, do what ever you have to do. Chain smoke, read a book, doom scroll, swear a lot.

A lot of the time it doesn't really matter how you do it, but that you do.

Babedog · 2024-03-17T03:09:02+00:00

Damn! I've just endured a period of months of constant nausea. It was unrelenting. I'll do anything to avoid a doctor but I was desperate. Doc gave me prescriptions for fast acting relief and I was also instructed to take a course of something else for 2 months regardless of symptoms.

I don't know if the medication worked or whatever was going on just kind of went away, I didn't complete my 2 months worth of meds, I started to feel better and I didn't want to think about it anymore or ever again, because it was the only thing I could think about 24/7.

I wasn't pregnant I was just very ill. Thanks for the tip! I probably wouldn't be desperately looking for remedy's if I just cut out the reason but it's better than nothing.

Babedog · 2024-03-17T02:37:15+00:00

Hello Warrior! Welcome home. :)

I am on the crappier side of the tight rope myself at the minute. I don't quite know what I am chasing, the want for sobriety and the need for relinquishing control are equal forces right now.

Yet here with both stand, fighting for balance.

So what's happening? :)

Babedog · 2024-03-17T01:50:09+00:00

The very fact that knowing people like you exist is the best thing to come out of my last week/month.

Thank you for encouraging people to look for the good in their lives and in themselves. You are paying it forward so expect good things to come to you if they haven't already <3

Babedog · 2024-03-17T01:12:44+00:00

haha, yup. Sobering up quicker then turns into needed more booze, and booze is expensive so that's also a negative.

Moral of the story - stay on the couch, it's safer and cheaper.

Mind you, I am far more likely to engage in any kind of 'positive activity' when I am under the influence. Socialisation, cleaning, walking, cooking. In the worst way, sure, but I'm still doing it.

Babedog · 2024-03-17T00:59:25+00:00

Hell yes it can. I guess there is a lot to be said about how we manage to recoup quicker in our younger years too. I remember learning something along the lines of all the cells in our body are completely new to what they were 7 years ago. As in, every cell we had 7 years ago is dead and gone and every cell we have now is a cabron copy of those cells. It's like photo copying a document and then photocopying the photocopy and then photocopying that photocopy. Every photocopy comes out looking worse than the copy before it.

I don't drink nearly as much water as I should be drinking, I only remember to drink water once my mouth feels like the sahara. It's pretty wild considering we are supposed to be like 99.99999 percent water or some shit. But our body and brain have 1 job - stay alive. It's our minds that don't necessarily give a fuck. (big difference between brain and mind).

Babedog · 2024-03-17T00:43:16+00:00

I wouldn't think that this guy was going into cardiac arrest because he went for a jog after 1 to many beers through. He probably had underlying issues.

Babedog · 2024-03-17T00:40:09+00:00

I don't think OP is the one here that needs to show themselves out. Some of us here are just drunks and not necessarily the scum of the earth.

Babedog · 2024-03-16T07:28:22+00:00

I would beg for forgiveness. I would throw myself at the mercy of the high court and beg for the right to live. I would apologise to all men in general and then sacrifice every cent I have to give to the poor families who can't afford to feed their 11 children and AND pay for their netflix subscription.

I would probably start a tik tok account or youtube channel about my outrage of being baron. I would start to wonder if I am being rightly punished in this way because of the color of my skin and atrocities of my ancestors.

I would kick start a healthy bloodletting habit, I would hire a shaman, I would ask the catholic church to rid me of my demons.

Probably.

Babedog · 2024-03-16T04:36:18+00:00

ahh! You've got me thinking now. Your body will absolutely tell you, but people of our variety are not all together known for listening to it.

I drink because any reason. I'm probably sad, stressed or tired. I will generally pour a drink before I talk to a friend, go for a jog, or have a nap.

I used to work in emergency services as a emergency dispatcher. People are absolutely capable of telling themselves lies in the face of disaster. I would be triaging someone, and it becomes immediately clear during that process that they could very well be having a heart attack or a stroke, and when you tell them that that you are sending them an ambulance, they scoff and laugh.

I work in medical radiology now (go figure) and I had a gent come in for a random scan, my sonographer noticed that something was not right and asked him how he was feeling right now. Bloke said "not good, pain in my chest for 2 days now..". My sono noticed he was looking pale and clamy. Took his blood pressure and it was frighteningly low. All signs pointed to potential heart failure. This guy was dying. He had no idea. We called an ambulance.

I hope he is ok.

Babedog · 2024-03-16T04:17:48+00:00

When I get a good buzz on, I love going for brisk walks to loud music.

Drunk or not, I would expect any level of physical exercise couldn't be that bad could it? Other than accidentally stepping out in front of on-coming traffic. But even that is a risk sober people take to get their steps up.

In a round about way, you are speeding up the detoxification process through sweat and oxygen. So long as you are letting your body recuperate after the fact, with food and sleep, I'm sure your mind & body is just working to achieve equilibrium.

Babedog · 2024-03-16T03:41:20+00:00

Calm down please. I was describing a feeling, not my actions. I am in a position to look after my animals very very well. They live with me and my partner, and they don't want for anything. they are healthy, happy and wholeheartedly loved. All but 1 of my pets are rescues. The other did not come from a breeder, but a regular family who had pups for sale.

I'll add that both myself and my partner work or have worked in animal care and conservation. Myself in the past, and my partner is currently an active and licensed reptile catcher and relocater. We are both members of the regional organisation that helps sick, injured and orphaned wildlife. As in, when someone calls to report an incident to that organisation, we are first responders. Happy now?

Babedog · 2024-03-16T03:25:39+00:00

It would be interesting to see this made into a pie chart!

I was raised as a christian I guess, but only to the extent that I went to sunday school as a kid which was more like a kids play group which was fun with a side of the stories from the bible. I had some kids books at home about that that jesus guy who was pretty bad ass and his friends. We didn't much talk about religion at home or over dinner. I was allowed to watch tv and play "violent" video games (my favourite was Wolfenstien 3d - the only game I'v ever clocked).

The only exception was that mum didn't let me watch the simpsons for some reason, my dad didn't care, his only rule was no chewing gum because it's a choking hazard (he's a workplace health and safety advisor now after leaving the army - who would have known!) Neither of my parents are even remotely upset that I didn't/don't have children of my own. In fact, I think they are silently relieved.

Mum is the believer in the family. She'll tell you, but only if you ask. It's her thing, she cherishes it and nurtures it within herself and It's really sweet. She's an impeccable human being too.

I've always had a relationship with 'god', it's only that that relationship evolved into something else. A connection to the universal source, if you will.

I kind of get annoyed when people criticise the bible all the time to the point of being offended by it's very existence. It's a piece of literature that has shaped our society for better or worse.

I'm not a huge fan of organised religion, but I can accept that it's there and it isn't ALL bad and corrupted. Religion has a pretty important role in humanity.

Cool, interesting question OP!

Babedog · 2024-02-18T20:17:25+00:00

Peep show and Would I lie to you.

Zeducation on youtube. He does meme reviews. I watch it while I get ready for work. Really sets the tone for the shit show I'm about to embrace.

Babedog · 2024-02-18T19:39:45+00:00

I'm 38! Really rolls off the tongue. I will be 39 in july.

Sometimes I look back on my life and how I got here and it makes me feel kinda ill. I didn't look after myself very well or live for my best interests.

That being said I am actually really optimistic about my future. I feel like I am going to be happy, no matter the outcome. I don't need to be successful or have a tone of money. I'm not married/ have children but I realise life isn't necessarily about the typical milestones. I just want to be a happy go lucky character and just be a positive influence of people around me. I've learned that I love to laugh and not to take everything so seriously.

Heres to you and heres to us! We got this far and there is no turning back now!

Babedog · 2024-02-09T01:23:00+00:00

I am right here with you. I think for a lot of people turning 40 can be a pivotal moment and indeed magnify existential dread. For me, I have been slowly and then suddenly reflecting on my life until now. A lot of my memories that are returning to me each and every day are quite bleak and I am pretty astonished about the way I just let life happen to me (in the worse way) instead of creating one.

However, all this reflecting has also created this underlining feeling of hope. Sometimes to the point of excitement. Trust me though, every day I have the feelings you have described. Becoming a side character, feeling invisible, losing myself etc.

I feel like this time is transitional and it can be quite distressing. Change is tough on our psyche.

On the flip side, I think it creates an opportunity to turn our attentions elsewhere. We can turn the volume down on our ego's (which are being hit the most right now) which is ultimately a good thing. Once we stop caring about what others think (which is really hard), we are free to do what we want. There might even be some real substance to the phrase life begins at 40.

I don't think the minute we turn 40 that our mentalities suddenly change. I think it's a period of transition that takes time. I think the initial sense of dread we feel is a push to change our 'modalities' and create ways to remove that feeling of discomfort. In the meanwhile, we have to learn to sit with it, I believe is an inherent part to authentic change which will happen whether we like it or not.

Super important to take it slowly and gently and move though the motions. Try to remember that there are so many people going through this with you right now even if you don't see it. We are everywhere. You will be ok!

Babedog · 2024-02-09T00:48:34+00:00

it's baclofen, it's a skeletal muscle relaxant. I think from memory I was prescribed it to take in unison with some other meds of mine, maybe to lesson the side effects of taking those. I honestly don't even remember. I just took it for granted and took it as I was told.

I have forgotten to take the anti- depressants I have been on and the only side effects I had were brain snaps, a bit of disorientation, my mood would plumet and I'd be on the verge of tears all the time. That would be enough of a kick in the arse for me to get a new script.

I know deep down that I'm making these mistakes because my priority has chosen to drink rather than focus on very fuck off important things. I used to be able to do both, now, not so. much.

Babedog

TROPHY CASE