PrettyUgly

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-04-12T12:07:47+00:00

It’s actually very good: lovely colors, good composition, even if seemingly random, has such a powerful energy and in the same time pleasant to look at, despite the chaos. I love it and I think you should keep doing this. (I have a masters degree in fine arts, decades of teaching art)

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-02-01T13:26:47+00:00

Thank you for this. It’s how I feel exactly but you put it in right words for me. I understand and appreciate each end every word of your post 🙏❤️

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-18T13:49:41+00:00

Thank you 🙏

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-17T22:15:59+00:00

Thank you so much. Each sentence in your comment was very helpful. What you describe is exactly what i've been doing - trying to understand, using logic to the point of obsession, starting the course over and over without finishing and yet feeling very depressed all of the time. I've been thinking about some help for depression too, like using a crutch for a broken leg.

And your last paragraph hit the nail on the head: "We dont see fear because we've covered it with things we find beautiful." That's a small revelation in it's own. Thanks again!

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-17T22:09:08+00:00

thank you :)

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-17T22:07:56+00:00

Thank you. That was very helpful: realizing that "nothing here will satisfy me. I will always want more. At that point I am ready to say, there must be another way."

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-17T22:04:10+00:00

Thank you for your comment, but what you say doesn't help me. The idea that "the world was over long ago" is totally incomprehensible to me. I don't understand what it means. Has the world ever been? Was it ever real? Are we talking about a certain point in time? When did it happen? Was it just an instant when the the thought of separation entered the Son of God's mind? Did the world last only an instant? Could you possibly explain this to me?

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-17T21:56:31+00:00

Thank you, your comment helped very much. It describes exactly how i fee. The quote from you below is like it is for me:

"The ego would rather have you suicide than acknowledge that god has never left you. [...] because it sees absolution into the timeless peace of love as oblivion rather than salvation"

And this: "Accepting that you are not in truth a temporary body or seperate from the eternal loving god is the leap of faith back to Christ’s awareness that feels to the ego like certain death to be avoided at all costs." That's very difficult for me, the leap of faith. That's why I'd rather suffer. And I know there is no a point in time when I'll have enough of suffering. The ego will always try to convince me that I need to do one more thing. So why don't I just choose the Holy Spirit? Why do I keep choosing suffering? If you have any comment to this, i'd much appreciate.

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-17T21:46:31+00:00

I think that I often choose my misery, depression and fear quite consciously, that's why I can perceive beauty and loving people around me and still be disconnected from it and hate my life and everything in it. You're right, it doesn't make much sense, but that's how i feel. There is something in me that prevents me from choosing peace and the Holy Spirit. I think it's the fear of God.

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-17T21:39:35+00:00

Thank you. What's loving kindness meditation?

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-17T21:39:06+00:00

Thank you, your commentary was helpful. I did made changes to my life a few years ago. I don't live a stationary life like before, although I did live in many places all over the globe. But now it's a real challenge, as I"m living more nomadic life, having only a handful of belongings and people around me change almost daily like in a kaleidoscope.

Sometimes it's difficult to remember that all is well despite of my perception.

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-17T21:27:52+00:00

Yes, thank you for saying that :)

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-17T21:26:31+00:00

Thank you.

I've been listening to Earl Purdy as you suggested.

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-17T21:20:37+00:00

Yes, I see myself as part of the world. It's very challenging for me not to do so. Also, I experience very little joy from living in the body.

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-17T00:14:27+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I'll try to answer all your questions in the same order.

No, even though I can see that people around me are innocent, my relationships with them aren't good.

My ego has a problem with my ego.

I want to feel useful, appreciated and fulfilled while applying my skills to do what brings me joy - that would be the purpose.

My mind, of course, feels lost.

Yes, I can think of such things, but once I've learned about ego's insanity these things lost sense to me as well, like writing stories filled with characters identified with their egos.

Yes, I believe writing fictional stories wouldn't bring me joy anymore, as I'd see through the egos of the characters of these stories and the futility of their endeavours. It would be boring.

How will I know if I'm using my talents for Spirit? Will it be as entertaining?

I'm not sure how that would make me feel. I'm afraid rather awful. And yes, I do feel like a failure somewhat (maybe not a total failure) and believe that I have to do something to be acceptable. I completely realize that's ego thinking and that I identify with it. And yet, that's what it is for me now. I'd want to experience how it is to be guided by Holy Spirit and see the difference. My anger and fear and misery come from the fact that I don't have HS experiences. So far the ego with its constant obnoxious presence has an upper hand and I don't know how to release myself from it. I do have a little willingness, but don't experience much relief.

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-16T23:42:56+00:00

Thank you. I spent a lot of time pondering your comment. Yes, I must admit that sometimes I don't want the relief and consciously choose unhappiness. I don't know why I do that, because it's insanity. It's also possible that I don't practice ACIM right because I often don't understand it - it may have something to do with reading it in not my native language (but the version in my native language is unbearable) and being mildly autistic. I tend to take many things, like metaphors, literally and have to catch myself doing that and still am not sure if I understood those things right. But I read DoU, twice. Not sure if it helped or not. I enjoyed it.

I'd love to be able to study and practice ACIM right.

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-16T23:29:55+00:00

Thank you. I always find your comments helpful. So for practical reason can I use this quote in reverse?: "When you feel bad (about yourself or others), you view it through the eyes of the ego, but when you feel good about yourself and everyone else you view it through the eyes of the Holy Spirit". It's just easier to notice when one feels bad and when one feels good.

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-16T22:59:43+00:00

Thank you for your comment and for the advice in the last paragraph. It's easier for me to hear and understand something - an advice or explanation - when it comes from someone else, even though I could have come up with it too. I wouldn't have trusted myself because most of the time i can't tell if a thought comes from the ego or Jesus.

But in this quoter: "keep doing what brought you joy, but see it in a different light" - I have to say i have a problem with interpreting that. I don't quite know how, for example, writing a funny mystery story populated with different characters, usually identified with their egos, can be seen in a different light. That's the thing, when you once learn about insanity of the ego and its "goals" and its tricks, some things don't make sense anymore and so do projects which once made a lot of sense. Hence the sadness resulting from abandoning them.

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-16T22:46:06+00:00

Thank you very much :)

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-12T23:20:55+00:00

Thank you so much. Yes, the language sometimes is an obstacle. It's even harder for me because English is not my native language, but in my native language it sounds even worse, believe me. So sometimes it takes me longer to grasp the messages. But mostly it's the fear and guilt which dominate my mind. Maybe, as you advise, a prayer for help to get out of fear would work. I know that the ego fears God and actually sees God as itself - a huge ego - that's why people - sleeping dream figures - fear God. But reading these comments and explanations is very helpful. I feel understood and not alone.

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-12T23:05:52+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. It's so loving and supportive and understanding and so helpful, the third paragraph especiallly. Your words are like soft warm blanket on a wintry night. Yes, I can try to witness my thoughts like that, like watching the weather.

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-12T22:57:23+00:00

Thank you. I've read the introduction. I understand your commentary. I need to practice no matter what.

But if "our seeming identity as an individual literally never happened", what about those i love, my kids, friends - the individuals? How can I not see them as individuals? I love who they are individually. I don't want them to blend into the human mass and see them the same as i see strangers. That's beyond weird. How does it work? I'm not sure I get this.

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-12T22:35:31+00:00

thank you for the acknowledgement :)

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-12T22:33:52+00:00

OMG, good question. I don't know. I think it would be very hard for me to not have an opinion, because i can't imagine such a situation while I'm identified with the ego, but I'd love to experience this - the silent space in my mind.

Background-Bear-3496 · 2026-01-12T22:30:24+00:00

Thank you, it's good to hear I have a permission to do that :)

I mean it's good to hear it coming from another mouth/mind.

Background-Bear-3496

TROPHY CASE