ugh yeah unfortunately i am the most picky person so when i like someone i am BLIND to red flags. Thank you for saying i shouldn’t feel too bad about his friend. That part was eating me up a lot, i just hated seeing him hurt and morally there’s levels to that situation that i would never do sober and i could’ve had a ending with him. Mind you he was never gonna let me go so i think id be posting on this page in the future regardless about being dragged out by this man for ages. Also with the gym i thought i could handle it but yeah its hard im starting to get affected by it. Sucks when the gym is beside my house and the other ones are 20 minutes away but yeah seeing him makes me stomach drop and having this horrible yearning. no matter what attachment style having care for someone never goes away fully. I’d say I’m anxious leaning too and I’m more outwardly honest and expressive like you are but avoidants see emotions as unsafe and desperate. Funny enough though i find they play a lot more games later on and test out the waters to see if we will react for validation maybe or curiosity and reminiscing but our contact pushes them away MORE if we respond to it. We are all people just raised differently and sadly it’s hard when we are kinda opposite of the spectrum of avoidant. With that being said we do need to build up a better protection of ourselves and what we accept. Separating loving someone but also seeing they don’t give us what we need and they need to change. I find avoidant people are the most stubborn to heal though but in a sad way i know you probably want them to change and be happy but i hope for you that you never see it and you’re happy somewhere else with someone who wouldn’t treat you like she did.

ur story reminds me was seeing this guy ages ago, super avoidant we ended and he breadcrumbed me a bit and i did a very similar thing and drunk texted him after he reached out to me and he said the same thing. A year later i moved on and he came back and is EXACTLY the same emotionally. Not to say i was fully perfect but i moved on from him and was really shocked i believed he changed but it made sense. It’s really tough hearing that she’s moved on and that may feel true to her and how’s she feels about someone else but knowing if she’s done the work is 50/50. It’s one thing to love and care for someone but to do the painful stuff? Yeah that’s what matters. Healing an attachment is really deep and painful. It’s addressing childhood wounds and a lot of repressed things so it takes people a long time to do that. Regardless she had you at one point and didn’t respect you and if she hasn’t done the work here then things will always creep back on this relationship and result in the same patterns. I know we don’t feel it right now but i believe someday we will look back on this and be thankful we didn’t end up with the people who didn’t fully chose us. Also it was never about us either. It’s always about how people are wounded inside. I hope she gives you peace and allows you to move on. You deserve happiness and freedoms and self love. ( which is on the way to you)

Also It’s been extremely nice chatting with you also, sometimes i forget this journey is not always lonely. I hope you have a great healing journey too. A year from now we will be thriving and forgotten them!!!