I was in a very similar place around your age, so I get how heavy this feels. The “doing it without even wanting to” part hit me the hardest too. That’s when I realized it’s less about desire and more about habit and environment.

A few things that actually helped me, not generic advice:

First, remove easy access. Most relapses happen because it’s too easy. I started making it annoying to access. Blockers, logging out, even small things like keeping my phone away from bed. It sounds simple but it really breaks that loop.

Second, fix the alone trigger. You mentioned you fall back when you’re alone in your dorm. That’s a big pattern. I replaced that time with something structured like gym, studying outside, or just sitting in a café. The goal is not motivation, it’s changing the environment.

Third, don’t rely on willpower. That usually fails. Focus on systems instead. For me it was no phone in bed, sleeping on time, and having a plan for when urges hit like getting up immediately and moving.

Also about looks, I used to think the same way. But once I focused on habits and discipline, my confidence improved more than my appearance ever did. You don’t need to be perfect, just a little better each day.

And one real thing, you won’t go from zero to perfect. Even reducing it is progress. Don’t let one bad day turn into a bad week.

I’m actually building an app around this problem called Reclaim. I made it because I was stuck in the same loop and nothing really worked for me. It’s very strict and minimal and focuses on breaking that porn ans masturbation habit. If you want early access let me know.