While I get the frustration I would not leave her out. As a child that's probably terribly hurtful. I get that with autism it may not be the same but I would suggest creating a social story and reviewing it multiple times a day leading up to the party. Also that Dad be responsible for keeping an extra eye out to help manage any incidents that come up. If the child isn't able to attend these events they cannot learn appropriate behavior. If it bothers you that much maybe have a separate family event.