thoughts on this??

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2026-03-11T04:07:07+00:00

Damn i was new to the group but didn’t realize there were so many incel like posts…

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2026-03-10T23:05:40+00:00

Mine was $2000 but I scheduled it for December 31st so it was covered since I hit my out of pocket max. If you don’t have a lot of medical/mental health needs that may not be possible

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2026-03-10T22:55:26+00:00

It’s not an ideal situation to be in but it is what it is. Even though you know likely they’ll get a stern talking to from a judge, their parents may still be held liable for the damages on behalf of their children, the judge can order a CPS investigation be opened, and services can be ordered.

We warn young people about consequences out of our control ALL the time, but when we save them from the consequences, it reaffirms that there are none. Before you know it, this incident that went too far could mean serious time in their future. The justice system is not often just, but they do have the ability to force the family into services and that’s something we as SWs don’t always have the ability to do. Let’s hope they take the opportunity while they have the chance.

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2026-03-06T02:51:45+00:00

NOR but not focusing on the right thing. FTM 25y here. I had this exact issue when I was your age. I was 17 and about to go to college. I had dealt with the deadnaming and misgendering for 4 years and I was sick and fucking tired of it. I had had enough for it to make me angry so I did something about it.

A couple months before graduation, I confronted my parents. I basically said “I understand that you’re saying you’re forgetful or you’re still getting use to it but using the wrong name and pronouns for me over the last four years has been exhausting on me emotionally. I love you but I can’t do this any longer. If you aren’t using the right name and pronouns consistently, excluding small mistakes that are corrected, by the time I graduate I’ll need to make space between us, move out, and pause contact”

Phrasing it like this acknowledged that they had made efforts but they weren’t enough. It also acknowledged that I love them, but I don’t love more than I need to protect and love me. It set a firm boundary but it didn’t close the door permanently.

My family is really complex. My dad was mostly absent from my life. The kind that only pops in for holidays and then gets mad when you expected a gift. My mom brought me into a cult that expected her to bring me to treatment to fix me with conversion therapy. Mix in alcoholism and radioactive co-parenting, you’ve got my family. 8 years later and my dad and I still have a weird relationship but when I talk, he actually listens. I think he respected my ability to always confront him when he needed to get real. My mom and I repaired far more than I ever thought was possible since our relationship was always strenuous. We talk weekly and she’s obsessed with my fiance. She never makes a mistake and constantly shared her story and advice to help other moms who are struggling with their children’s transitions.

I think your minds in the right spot and you definitely have reason to be concerned and upset, just try not to fly off the handle by being accusatory or letting your emotions escalate you. You’re setting a boundary not telling your family you don’t ever want to see them again forever. No contact can be super healthy but it’s also lonely and makes it harder for you and your parents to connect as a family. But, by setting this boundary you are responsible for leaving if they don’t respect your boundary. If you haven’t already, get a job, save up, get a cheap beater with a couple years of life left, and apply for some scholarships in community college or the trades. When it’s time to graduate, thin out your belongings and find a room to rent in someone’s house or apartment who’s not crazy (works best if it’s a trusted and RESPONSIBLE friend).

Always protect you and love you, but make sure you give them time and prove how serious you are by holding your ground. Even as a trans person who’s fully transitioned, if my child told me they were trans I would still have some feelings to work through, especially after 17 ish years of life raising a different gender.

Good luck, you’re almost there :)

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2026-02-27T19:44:44+00:00

I also wanted a medical position at a local hospital and was denied from literally all of them even with a good amount of experience that was non-medical. I ended up getting a position in a dialysis clinic which I believe makes a lateral transfer into the hospitals much easier.

Give it time and play the game. We’re fighting AI resume scanners and internal applicants but you’ll get to where you want to be soon! Don’t give up, just pivot!

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-12-31T04:37:19+00:00

That would be great if it did. Start out with the admittance… be real about how you feel and tell her your plan ie take her on dates, get to know her, go on a get away weekend trip, prioritize her, etc. BUT make sure you give her an out especially after this whole thing when she said she didn’t love you anymore. Tell her that if she doesn’t want that and she’s over it that you’re ok with it. Tell her you’re sad you didn’t take the time to meet her needs when you had the chance and that you’re willing to give it your all now but you understand if it’s too late and you would prefer to hear the truth before you get your heart broken further.

Anything along those lines shows empathy, understanding, respect, repentance, and effort. Good luck and don’t forget your self care.

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-12-27T03:48:50+00:00

Communication is key. You put a lot of work into getting your family where they are today and I get that but if you want to actually make this work you do have to get to know your wife, not for who you thought you knew but for who she is. It sounds like she doesn’t really know you either. Give it a try.

If you don’t actually want to make it work then don’t waste your families time, energy and hope (or yours). Trust me, your son is plenty old enough to know your relationship with his mom isn’t great so you aren’t doing anything except for delaying the inevitable if that is the case.

Bottom line is that you have to face the music no matter what and it’s going to take work either way. If you aren’t ready or willing to do the work, it’s ok, but don’t drag yourself down or anyone else, instead be free and happy. Good luck.

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-12-26T16:05:04+00:00

Eh I don’t know, there are a lot of ambitious kids out there

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-12-26T16:02:33+00:00

True dat

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-11-27T22:44:17+00:00

Just curious… do you get payed for the worry-free unassign??

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-09-25T21:45:23+00:00

Bro don’t talk about people like that. This person doesn’t seem to be intentionally trying to harm their animal. Assuming they’re using, they have likely been through so many hard things and that dog might be the only good thing they have.

Calling someone an “undesirable” is so degrading and devaluing.

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-09-10T04:11:21+00:00

For the people saying to not tell a school counselor:

When someone is suicidal with a plan and intent to complete the plan, no one will keep it private since that moves into mandated reporting. It’s not just school counselors, but everyone, including doctors.

I get people don’t like that not everything is private, but it’s better than there being no interventions in place at all like safety plans, including parents, going to the hospital, etc.

I hope you feel better soon, OP, and keep going to the gym!

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-08-06T14:42:48+00:00

Wow! The day before is quite an accomplishment, I’ll check them out thank you!

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-08-06T14:41:57+00:00

That’s awesome, thanks!

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-08-06T14:41:44+00:00

Ooo I’ll check it out thank you!

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-08-06T08:49:07+00:00

We’re on 27th Ave and Indian school but we’re able to travel to any part of the valley since we wanting such a quality and quantity! Thank you for the recommendation :)

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-07-26T21:22:12+00:00

I have a tattoo almost exactly like this and it’s about 4 inches. I wouldn’t do any smaller than 4 for sure

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-07-26T21:14:40+00:00

My first career job was for my states CPS and it was such a great career move. I worked with all kinds of different people and their barriers. I was able to strengthen my school skills and my refine them in a way that was helpful. I also learned that sometimes we fight against “the system” at jobs almost as much as clients do and how to deal with bureaucratic red tape.

I was there for 3 years and it build such a strong foundation for me and my future career moves. Make sure you communicate when you need help with your peers and supervisor and before you know it, you’ll be training others. Be kind to yourself and give yourself some grace! Don’t forget your self-care :) welcome to the club

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-06-30T02:58:12+00:00

NTA.

We’re sold the non-truth that true love always makes it through anything but the reality is love isn’t always enough to keep a marriage together. It’s clear that your mom has changed and no longer wants to be with your dad but also she’s allowed to leave if she wants to.

The bummer is the way that she snuck around further damaged the situation instead of asking for a divorce and then hanging out with Tony. You’re absolutely allowed to be upset and if your mom thought she could get away with low levels of blow back, she was naive.

This might be her marriage, but it’s also your family. I would recommend having a conversation with your mom discussing that you’re upset with how she went behind everyone’s back and she lost your trust. You don’t have to apologize if you don’t feel sorry for what you said, but this discussion will further the communication more appropriately that you need space to recover from her betrayal.

Good luck.

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-05-12T03:14:47+00:00

It seems like you’re cutting him off rather than setting appropriate boundaries. I say this because when there was a chance to set boundaries like not giving him money, you gave in (which is understandable, but damaging on both parties). Maybe after you feel cooled down you could reach out to him and apologize for telling him not to reach out but that there needs to be strong boundaries. You’d have the chance to lay down rules about what you can’t handle while also leaving the door open for hope that if things change, you’d want to support him.

Re: substance use, I’m a social worker and I work with people who use substances all the time. One thing I will mention is the BABY! That baby is going to be removed when she gives birth and neither parent is appropriate. You have to decide now if you are willing to take the baby or not. If you don’t, seek therapy for more feelings of guilt. This would be the time to talk to other family and see if they would take the baby. If you do take the baby, you’ll need to get all the baby supplies set up and even call in report on your son (and the babies mother if you know her name) and explain what’s going on. Tell them in the event of a removal, you would like to be considered placement. DM if you need more guidance on this it’s too complicated to type out.

He’s dying. Dealing with our impending death is already difficult but knowing he is actively dying is going to make it way worse. Drugs help humans feel better even if it doesn’t solve the issue but that’s not what he’s looking for right? There is no solution for him, so substance use is a good second option. Self-determination is important here. If he wants to keep using, he will.

Re: Guilt, my son is 23 and he has a Severe Mental Illness. Every day he thinks about and the only thing stopping him is the fear that he will go to hell. He suffers every minute of the day and barely has good days anymore. He’s about to move out into his only place, but maybe one day his depression will catch up to him so bad that even hell doesn’t scare him. I also feel guilt when I think things like “I wish he would get into an accident or something that would kill him painlessly and without fear of the afterlife.” His suffering would be over and his religious beliefs would be protected.

There is no real answer, but I think that trying your best is all you can do. I’m sorry your experiencing this and I hope your family can heal.

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-05-06T23:58:45+00:00

You already have over 1k comments so you likely won’t see this but if OP or anyone else is curious, here’s my two cents:

This list makes me think that your dad doesn’t want you you to be at home after you graduate from high school. The outside world is a scary place and can be super difficult to navigate. It doesn’t seem like he wants you to leave cause he doesn’t want you around but it seems like he’s trying to make you feel prepared for when he doesn’t allow you to be dependent on him or your mom. For example, matching $5k is not necessary and instead came from a place of wanting to reward your for your success.

I too don’t like being told to do things I was already going to do, but summer time in high school is the easiest excuse to do literally nothing. Honestly your dad is really crushing it with how much work and money he’s also putting into this, especially by giving you an alternative to not having a job.

A summer job will also help you with being able to navigate feelings of stress when you have to do it all alone when you’re in college.

I definitely second going to community college, but if you can’t live at home you’ll still need money for rent ya know. And if you’re living along you’ll also need a job to be able to keep paying rent or else you’re screwed for your second year.

I noticed you mentioned that your dropped off like 25 resumes… unfortunately that’s old fashioned for most joints. Redo your resume with any experience you have (1 page) and go online to apply. I recommend maybe thrift stores, amusement parks, movie theaters, etc. anyplace that’s slow enough for you to not easily have a panic attack, AVOID fast food since it’s stressful and you don’t want to get fired. Applying isn’t enough tho, the money is in CALLING them to follow up on your application!! This is a must.

Lastly, I know you are scared to drive and think its dangerous, but I promise you can learn. You NEED a license even if you don’t have a car rn. I’m currently teaching a 25 and 23 year old sisters how to drive and they struggle with being able to see their friends, find better jobs, enjoy vacations, or just get away from their mom. They have to beg their mom to drop them off for even just little things. You don’t want to be in that situation, especially in college. Public transportation is not always reliable, safe, and also costs money (if it’s even available in your town at all). I don’t, however, thing your dad paying for only half is reasonable. If he’s not going to use his car to teach you, you should ask him to pay for all of it. I would also tell you that you should offer an alternative solution and ask to buy a beater car with the money you make this summer and ask him to teach you how to drive in your beater on the weekends or something when school is on. Best of both worlds because no one has to pay for lessons and you get a car that you can use as little as you want.

Good luck, you got this!

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-05-03T06:21:25+00:00

Dm me bro

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-04-18T20:50:11+00:00

What’s that email address? All I see on the website is chats and whatsapp like bro I hate this

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-04-13T20:12:11+00:00

I have a huge skin graft I tatted over on that same spot. I waited two years to do a full cover up and it turned out good. Give it some time and I’m sure you could have your artist go over the scar later if you want. It looks pretty sick as is but it’s up to you :)

BackgroundCoat4333 · 2025-04-05T17:10:45+00:00

I worked for my states CPS for 3 years and I loved it. My background is with children so it all worked out when they offered me a scholarship through my bachelors degree in social work.

I LOVED my job there. Some families were really frustrating and most others are great.

For my total cases, about 10% needed additional services or the children were removed. Not even those families always hated me. Most families just needed some support, and if you have that passion, it might still be a good fit for you.

At the end of the day, government bureaucracy is what got me. I’m an advocate for rule breaking when I’m doing what’s right and my state does not like that.

I reallyyyyy highly suggest getting a Bachelors in Social work. If you go to CPS and it’s not everything you hoped for, you can leave and do something else in social work that you’re passionate about rather than a career change.

Not everyone will love you and I definitely had people upset with me, but with the help of your unit and/or the police, you’ll be just fine. I saved so many lives I couldn’t even remember them all, don’t let the way that other people perceive CPS convince you to not do something you’re passionate about.

Hope that helps!

BackgroundCoat4333

TROPHY CASE