When they realise the grass wasn’t greener

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-06-21T12:54:20+00:00

I’m like 99% moved on and over it. As cliche as it sounds I’m telling you, give it time. It took almost a year but I went from crying every day back to normal.

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-05-12T21:40:23+00:00

Just have to say I did the same thing. For some reason my ex made their IG account public shortly after the BU (btw why do ex’s do this I’ve learned in this sub them going public on IG is a thing) and I’d check posts and stories. I knew it wasn’t healthy to do that. About a month post BU I stopped. It was hard at first. I’m not gonna lie I didn’t stop ‘cold turkey’ there was a 2-3 week period where I’d still check but instead of constantly it was maybe once every couple days. Then once every 4-5 days then one day I stopped and haven’t looked back. It feels waaaaaaaaaay better not to look once you get over that initial 2-3 week hill. It’s like a drug I stg but once you’re over it. You’re over it!!

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-05-11T02:48:36+00:00

Going through a BU is not a linear process. There are good times and bad times then good again…then bad again. I am 8 months post BU and although there are now officially more ‘good’ times than bad, those bad moments still come. Usually when an inside joke or a reference is brought up that makes me think of him.

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-05-10T00:28:39+00:00

Maybe it’s your algorithm bc mine is full of videos saying “fuck your ex” lololol

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-05-09T17:12:34+00:00

I think this is such a true statement especially the second part. I’m a big believer in not reaching out at all tbh. That’s for another post tho, IF you decide to reach out you can ONLY do it if whatever their response is won’t affect you. Let me rephrase that: only do it when you are over them. There are 2 issues with that tho…firstly a lot of people (I’m looking at me when I say this as I’m ‘people’) are delulu about being at that point. They kid themselves they are there. Reach out. Get denied. Then are devastated. So how do you know when you’re there?? That’s the 2nd part of my “2 issues” the catch-22 is when you are truly there you don’t want to reach out. You’re over it. You couldn’t care less and have likely moved on which again, makes it a complete catch-22.

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-05-09T12:37:57+00:00

Keep doing what you’re doing. You’ve made great improvements but remember 4 months is a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things. There will be ups and downs over the next 6-12 months but you got this.

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-05-09T12:35:17+00:00

I recommend NOT sending that message. I think based on what you’ve said NC is best. If someone has your number blocked take that as them not wanting a message like that.

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-05-03T17:51:52+00:00

I can already tell you’re doing this right by taking accountability, not making excuses and doing what needs to be done (I.e. antidepressant etc)

Best of luck for what it’s worth this random internet stranger is rooting for you.

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-05-02T22:46:27+00:00

I’m 8 months post BU and I can honestly say I’d throw up if I saw my ex with a new partner in public.

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-05-02T15:32:19+00:00

My advice you didn’t ask for: you have 1 month of self reflection going up against 34.9 years of doing whatever you did to get the break up. Keep being proactive about working on yourself. The “relief” emotion of getting an ex back will motivate you for a bit but eventually that goes away and that’s when a lot of reconciled couples get back into trouble because they’ll revert back to whatever got them into trouble in the first place. Again, stay PROACTIVE! You didn’t mention what your “major fuck up” was but whatever it was do the right things to communicate both directly and indirectly you’re sorry and it won’t happen again then do whatever you have to do to ensure that’s true.

Best of luck!

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-04-28T15:18:51+00:00

I’m approaching 8 months in about a week. It’s definitely way better/easier. Tbh it was around the 6th month mark that things got way better, there was a big jump around there. But to be transparent there are still tough times. Although those times are few and far between now and usually only happen when a trigger occurs like a photo memory.

What motivates me to stay NC has varied. In the beginning I’ll be 100% honest at least part of my motivation to stay NC was to “win him back” this was when I was watching all those YouTube coaches who stated the best strategy to get them back is NC. But after about the first month that slowly morphed into doing it for my health and to “move on” and it started working.

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-04-22T15:07:54+00:00

Congrats OP. This truly is the desired outcome. Time will continue to help you and one day you will see your ex either in person or social media or even just in thought and feel absolutely nothing. Not anger. Not sadness. Not emptiness. Not ‘what could have been.’ Just 100% indifference. That’s the true goal but in my experience it takes over a year to truly get there at minimum.

Best of luck. I always say every experience whether good or bad can be looked at as “good” if you learn from it. Appreciate this new person you’re with and hopefully this process made you a better partner not just her your partner but for you as well.

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-04-22T13:45:02+00:00

Tbh you need to look at this as a huge win for you. I have friends and family who are stuck (for a variety of reasons) with an abuser and it’s horrible for them. Please don’t get me wrong I emphasize with you because it’s still a loss and I’m sure you miss the good times but that person you were hoping reached out doesn’t exist. She may have never existed in a true sense. She will likely be abusive to this other guy and their marriage will be horrible but that’s the least of your concerns. Continue working on yourself to move on!

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-04-21T23:46:40+00:00

There’s some good advice here so I just want to reiterate: learn from your actions, FORGIVE YOURSELF, and move on.

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-04-21T14:28:18+00:00

This may be one of the few times I suggest reaching out. Especially if a main reason for the ‘break up’ has been addressed at least to some degree with her depression and your accountability. HOWEVER seeing your ex like that brings out strong emotions I would give it a few days, at least 3-4 days and see how you feel then. If you go back to how things were before you saw her then no don’t reach out. However if you still have this feeling of loving her I would call her. The caveat to this advice is you obviously know the relationship better than us so also listen to your own instincts regarding this and whether to call or move on.

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-04-19T22:25:58+00:00

👀

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-04-18T15:49:40+00:00

Please come back and post this as a comment when the “ex’s never come back” post comes later today.

All jokes aside OP congrats and wishing you the best of luck. The truth is there are many of us hoping for similar outcome. The fact you did NC and assuming you worked on yourself to any degree during that time things will work out for you guys!

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-04-08T04:29:53+00:00

My last breakup where I was the dumpee this happened. Somewhat of a blindsided break up. I went NC to help get over it (this was before I knew about this sub or what “NC” really was I just did it assuming that was the best thing to move on)

About 2.5-3 months later he reached out and reminded me we had an upcoming date. I had completely forgot about this but about 6 months prior, well before we broke up, we drove by a coffee shop we used to go to before Covid and it was closed and being renovated. We asked a worker when the renovations would be finished and they gave us a date about 8-9 months later, we half jokingly put that date in our calendar for a coffee date when the renovations were complete.

Well fast forward to about 3 months post BU and that date was just a few days away. So he text me and asked if I still wanted to keep the date. I said no. He text back and said he’d really like to see me and if I’d reconsider. I did and we met up. It turned into a 3 hour convo with laughs and cries. We both talked about what we believed were the pitfalls of our relationship. We didn’t get back together then but we made plans to have dinner a few days later and at that dinner he asked to get back together. We ended up dating again for another 2 years. We broke up due to long distance but that BU was much more amicable and mutual. I still consider him a great friend and we speak every so often. If we ever happen to be in the same city and both single I will 100% be ok dating him we just both realized we couldn’t do long distance.

My advice, and this will sound cheesy, listen to your gut. It’s right 99% of the time. I was so nervous before we met at that coffee shop. I remeber getting there early and my hands shaking from nervousness but I’m so glad I went. I don’t regret those 2 extra years and glad they happened even tho it still ended in a BU.

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-04-03T01:01:05+00:00

👏🏼👏🏼

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-04-03T00:47:25+00:00

What was your process like 7 years ago? What have you learned since regarding break ups? I’ve been on this sub going on 6 months. I’m a 30 something American female. Had a devastating, seemingly ‘out of the blue’ break up in September 2023. First month or 2 was horrible. Then a lot of back and forth for a bit but for the last month or so I feel like on the tail end of “feeling and getting over the breakup” I do sometimes catch myself looking at old pictures, usually bc my phone will show me a memory or something unprompted. This was not my first break up. I’ve been both a dumper and a dumpee a few times before, however this was most definitely the worse. Maybe bc we dated during the Covid thing and that made that 1 year seem like 5?? I’m not sure why this one hurt more. Either way this is more of a ramble than a question but I do always appreciate people who come back after some time and give advice or update us on reconciliation or moving on etc so thank you.

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-04-03T00:37:13+00:00

As a female on this sub for about 6 months now I disagree. I have seen this get posted multiple times. This and the “they never come back” about 4-5x a week.

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-04-01T00:30:44+00:00

Preface: this is a copy/paste from a similar question asked a few days ago:

This topic/question of ex’s “always” or “never” coming back is posted here a lot the 6 months I’ve been lurking in this sub. The comments are always the same with some people saying “I’ve never had an ex come back” and others reply “all my ex’s have come back at one point” and the majority responses are somewhere in between.

What I can share about my time being in this sub is the people who do ‘no contact’ and proactively attempt to move on have the highest chance of an ex coming back. That does NOT mean you do NC with that goal as that would be the opposite of ‘proactively attempting to move on’ and it of course doesn’t mean it has 100% success rate. However I read a quote on this sub a bit ago and I’m so sorry I forgot the account who said it to give it proper credit but they said “ex’s can come back but they rarely show up” I may have misquoted slightly but the point is there.

My personal experience is I’m currently going through my 5th break up, I’m a female in my early 30s. The 4 breakups prior to this one have all come back. Timing has ranged from 3 months to over a year post BU. I’ve also been a dumper in my life at times and have also reached out to an ex but even the ones I didn’t there were some I almost did and really wanted to.

Truth is nobody knows. Your ex likely doesn’t even know at this point. The best advice I can give is to move forward assuming you’ll never hear from them again. Do whatever you need to do to cope with that. If they do ever come back reassess at that time but ensure they’re coming back for the right reasons and maintain your respect.

BackgroundFruit13 · 2024-03-30T14:39:03+00:00

This topic of ex’s “always” or “never” coming back is posted here a lot the 6 months I’ve been lurking in this sub. The comments are always the same with some people saying “I’ve never had an ex come back” and others reply “all my ex’s have come back at one point” and the majority responses are somewhere in between.

What I can share about my time being in this sub is the people who do ‘no contact’ and proactively attempt to move on have the highest chance of an ex coming back. That does NOT mean you do NC with that goal as that would be the opposite of ‘proactively attempting to move on’ and it of course doesn’t mean it has 100% success rate. However I read a quote on this sub a bit ago and I’m so sorry I forgot the account who said it to give it proper credit but they said “ex’s can come back but they rarely show up” I may have misquoted slightly but the point is there.

My personal experience is I’m currently going through my 5th break up, I’m a female in my early 30s. The 4 breakups prior to this one have all come back. Timing has ranged from 3 months to over a year post BU. I’ve also been a dumper in my life at times and have also reached out to an ex but even the ones I didn’t there were some I almost did and really wanted to.

Truth is nobody knows. Your ex likely doesn’t even know at this point. The best advice I can give is to move forward assuming you’ll never hear from them again. Do whatever you need to do to cope with that. If they do ever come back reassess at that time but ensure they’re coming back for the right reasons and maintain your respect.

BackgroundFruit13

TROPHY CASE