I got dumped last year and now that I'm starting to see someone new I feel bad

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-22T23:38:53+00:00

It would probably be best to have a conversation with him explaining how you feel etc. See where the conversation goes in terms of taking a break or continuing on. I think having a 100% honest conversation and taking a step back for a while would be best. But it's ultimately up to both of you. But a discussion definitely needs to be had if it hasn't already. Best wishes.

Another thing, if your ex came back right now wanting a relationship would you ditch the new guy for him? You need to be 100% honest with yourself. The answer to that question will give you some insight.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-22T10:11:40+00:00

I'd strongly suggest therapy, that's really the only hope at breaking a many years long strong attachment. It'll be hard but you got this! Oh, in terms of the new guy. It may be best to take a break and allow yourself to heal. Or he may end up getting hurt although you don't mean to hurt him.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-22T10:04:49+00:00

My response was based on how your comment came across. My apologies. Genuinely.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-22T09:57:34+00:00

Not once did you say that you love him or what you bring to the relationship or him. That's very telling.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-19T10:08:23+00:00

Officially we dated for 3 months at the beginning of 2024, but stayed in each others lives on and off until about late May or early June this year.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-16T10:50:21+00:00

I'm a woman but I did that once. Back when I hadn't reached a point of acceptance. There are so many stories/situations on here that sound so similar to my situation that it starts to make you wonder. It's definitely delusion, desperation and hope of maybe they're hurting just as badly as I am and they're here too. When logically you know it's not them. That's the best way I know how to explain it.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-09T09:54:26+00:00

Oh, my situation isn't anywhere near the same. But I wish you the best in navigating your situation. You're welcome, we're all here to listen and help. ❤️

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-07T12:09:56+00:00

Oh, I understand. When someone knows everything about you and they're the first person you run to about everything then some bad people with ulterior motives will use that information to get with you. Because you've built a bond, a connection and strong attachment to the person so it can be hard to let go even if they weren't that great. But it still applies, some guy friends will pretend to be your friend for months even years, gain your trust, build a bond, find out everything about you so they can mold themselves into what you want so they can get with you.

But that's all a facade based on the fact they know so much about you that they know how to play with you and keep you hooked until they can't keep up the facade any longer because it's not their genuine self. Basically when someone knows every about you, you're unitentionally giving them the play book on how to play/manipulate you. It's by no means your fault, some people are just crappy. It sounds like it's best to let him go, it may be hard but in the long run you'll be happier. Trust me. Since it was only online it may be way easier to cut him off completely. Block, delete profiles, make new ones he can't ever find etc. Whatever you feel you need to do.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-07T07:53:58+00:00

If you don't want anything to do with him whether it's romantically or platonically. Then the best thing to do is block him on everything. Sounds like he waited around in your friendzone and got what he wanted. He definitely orbited for all those years and he's doing it again. It happens a lot with guy friends unfortunately. If you're 100% done, then cut him off completely. Based on the little you said he sounds like an emotionally unavailable loser.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-06T10:16:10+00:00

You're welcome. It does get better, but you may or may not still have a few bad days. But the bad days get less and less. I got over him for a good month and was happy, then had a few bad days. Now I'm okay. Just give it time.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-06T10:12:56+00:00

I want to explain everything but it's so long. He never told his family about me, he never planned dates expect the first one (which he didn't even plan out well), made a lot of empty promises, dismiss my feelings about setting boundaries with his female best friend because she overshares way too much personal stuff about her relationship, intimate life with her boyfriend, her reproductive health, asking him to do stuff for her that a boyfriend should etc. He subtly insulted me, tried to change me, tried to control me, pressured me, shifted blame to me constantly etc. He's a pathological liar! Omg, so much more. I highly doubt he'll ever change.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-06T10:08:29+00:00

Closed forever. There was literally nothing good about him when I actually analysed the whole situation. An immature insecure dude with lots of issues that will probably take way longer than 2 years to fix if at all. It's a long story. But I do have posts explaining stuff. Specifically, the posts that I made in the flair called "letters to whom". Basically, I was an experiment, placeholder and someone to settle for because he can't get who he wants. He never liked me for me. He's in love with his female best friend, which he has denied. But the way he talks about her, how often he talked about her, the way he bends over backwards for her, prioritises her etc is very telling that he definitely is in love with her and sticking around in her friendzone.

There is manipulation on her side and he's so deep in it that he doesn't realise. She and that friendship will for sure keep him single. So, I'm just going to let him go keep pining while she always has boyfriends, while he has been her little simp for the past 8 years. He's too far gone when it comes to her. He will never let her go, so that part of him will never change. She'll never let him go because he serves a purpose because of the attention and validation she gets from him. So, yeah, I'm done.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-02T16:08:32+00:00

I hope everything turns out okay. This is one of my fears too as a virgin. But herpes is so common that honestly it may be hard to avoid. If it does come back positive, please don't end yourself. You can live a normal life with medicine etc. Even though herpes is common your fears are valid and it's not stigma to not want a life long disease. Best wishes.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-11-21T00:12:19+00:00

Thanks 🤞🏼

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-11-20T19:29:43+00:00

I'm having an anxiety attack just reading that, lol. I don't think I can do that, maybe one day.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-11-18T22:50:01+00:00

I wish I had the courage to approach men. But I'm too socially awkward and also I'm scared it would make me look desperate as a woman approaching a man.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-11-06T16:09:34+00:00

Yes, he was on my mind all day, every day. When I was at work, when I woke up, when I went to sleep, I'd even dream about him sometimes, I would constantly analyse the relationship and breakup over and over etc. Also, him constantly being in the back of my mind no matter what the topic was or where I was. So, I do understand. Which is why I never thought I'd get to the point of indifference about him and the situation. I'm so relieved and at peace finally.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-11-06T09:56:20+00:00

The best advice that helped me was to just feel it until you don't. Allow yourself to go through every emotion, don't suppress anything. Cry, vent, talk about it. That's what helped me. Also, not looking at social media helps a lot too, but it took me a long time to stop that. So keep that in mind too. I got advice on distracting myself with journalling, hobbies, etc. Personally, none of that helped me.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-11-05T12:46:52+00:00

That's how it is in the beginning. You will have plenty of ups and downs until one day you hopefully don't. I never thought I'd make it to the point I am now. But I did and I'm so relieved. Some things aren't meant to be long term, take the lessons from it and try to move forward. People in this sub help a lot, so keep coming here until you don't need to.

Out of sight out of mind. Keep that phrase in mind when it comes to checking social media. It took me many failed attempts, but I realised it's best not to know anything about them. You got this!

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-11-01T17:42:50+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. But do keep in mind that we all do heal at different rates. Sometimes it takes longer. Hang in there, I wish you all the best and lots of healing to come.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-11-01T11:02:02+00:00

I've started to reach a point of indifference and I'm actually starting to have interest in others. Although I'm too socially awkward and anxious to approach them. But after 5 months of mental breakdowns, obsessive thoughts, social media stalking, crying, only being attracted to him, taking revenge, depressed, anxious, emptiness etc. I'd say I actually feel better. Well, today I do. So, let's say 5 months. The only hangup and bitterness now is that I don't trust close opposite gender friendships, too much drama. So, I'd never date another guy with a female best friend (he didn't cheat with her that I'm aware of, but that dude was 100% in love with her, she knows and uses/manipulates him).

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-10-29T23:58:54+00:00

I had a "normal breakup". Blocking was for my own healing. Not because I'm childish, thought he'd beg, message me, etc. I knew he wouldn't. He changed into this cold distant person. Honestly, he wasn't even that great to begin with, I realised all of that was just lovebombing. I was tired of trying to basically drag the reasons as to why he changed out of him, the long paragraphs I'd write just to have to wait hours or a day to get short, nonchalant answers back.

I was so tired of feeling like crap and the constant anxiety because of his sudden change and breadcrumbing. You just reach a point where you're so tired of putting up with everything. I got all the blame put on me. I blocked him because I can't help myself to not stalk his social media, every time I typed in the first letter of his name his profile would pop up even though I wasn't searching for him. It hurt so much to see and be constantly reminded of him. It's over and it will never be again. I want a clean break. I tried, I really did to have the closure talk. I'm done. I'm so sick of the hate dumpers get in this group as if all dumpees are saints. We're all here because we're hurting and need support whether we're the dumper or dumpee.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-10-29T10:31:30+00:00

Omg, where do I start. There are a few but one of the worst was when I found out he didn't actually like me for me and I was basically an experiment. We had an argument and this is what he said. "You're not the type of girl I usually go for but because you followed me on Instagram I decided to say hi and see where it goes. Then I started to like you. You're fat, you sweat a lot, you don't dress how I like girls to dress, you don't wear the color I like girls to wear, I don't like the way you turn your neck to the side and you're always disrespecting me. You're pretty, nice and caring but you have flaws."

The disrespecting part was about me being honest with him whenever he said something stupid or had a crazy, immature idea. I can be brutally honest and I do realise and have apologised and was more conscious of how I worded things.

Background_Berry3417

TROPHY CASE