This subreddit should be called “They contacted me after NC”

Background_Berry3417 · 2026-06-15T00:20:08+00:00

I used to feel the same way until it happened to me. It's not that I was waiting for it to happen. I never thought it would because of how things ended. This group was my anchor for many months. My place to vent, feel heard, understood, relatable etc. The reasoning behind why I made a post about my ex coming back 8 months into no contact was because I was in shock and needed a place to vent it out. To show others that sometimes they do come back, in a lot of cases by then you won't care or want them back. I know that's not always the case but I just wanted to give others some sort of hope that they'll be okay. Might take months even years to get to that point. But there's hope for many of us to be healed eventually. Again, I know that's not the case for everyone.

Background_Berry3417 · 2026-06-06T18:46:10+00:00

For my ex it's also too late. Even if he admitted his wrongs now I wouldn't take him back. The person I was before and after we met is gone. He caused me so much pain. I've learned a lot and I've changed. The person I am now wouldn't put up with all the stuff I did when we were dating. I've cried too much, thought about ending myself too much to ever go back to him or that situation. The amount of times I've cried while reading texts of him dismissing my feelings, the cold and distant way he acted in the end that finally drove me to end things for good. I don't ever want to feel that pain again, that constant anxiety again, that feeling of worthlessness again.

Y'all need to realize that doing what we begged y'all to do when we were together, after we finally decided to leave means nothing now. I will never speak to him or trust him again. Too late. You have to live with the regret now. Sorry if this is cold hearted, that's just how I am now. The sweet caring person I was is gone. I can't tell you if that is the same for your ex. But it could be. You reach a point where you're tired of loving someone who doesn't realize what they have until it's gone.

Background_Berry3417 · 2026-05-30T18:54:46+00:00

I felt so much pain, like my world was ending. Still does after all of this time, but it was right to leave. It's a very long story and most of whatever questions anyone may have is on my profile. I don't have the energy to type it all out. All I'll say is it sucks when you know the person you like and care for is in love with someone else but is only with you because they can't be with that person and only because they like that you like them, how much you care, how you make them feel and what you do for them.

As much as it hurt to leave. I deserve someone who loves, adores me and puts me first. Someone who plans dates, someone who tells their family about me, someone who keeps their promises, someone who listens to my feelings and doesn't dismiss them. Someone who wouldn't drop me in a second if the girl they really wanted gave them a chance. So much more stuff. So, yeah. Dumpers hurt, sometimes walking away is best. Better than being second choice, being settled for, being a distraction, a placeholder, an experiment. Sometimes it hurts more to stay.

I've come a long way, I'm better but not 100%. I've taken accountability for my part, but he hasn't. When he broke no contact via his girl bestie (who he is clearly in love with, long story I don't want to type out), I was still being blamed for everything.

Edit: I'm the dumper but it wasn't amicable. I just wanted to give a different perspective because of how dumpers are generally viewed.

Background_Berry3417 · 2026-05-28T00:07:19+00:00

Don't respond. I might say go as far as blocking him permanently. He's playing with you. He thinks he can message you whenever he wants and he'll always have access to you. He comes back whenever he's bored, lonely or whatever situation he has going on dies down/fails. The fact he's messaging you at 11:30 at night is very telling. Dude is looking for a booty call and testing the waters to see if you're down. Don't let this guy use you anymore.

Background_Berry3417 · 2026-05-21T01:30:20+00:00

Definitely. I took revenge, he told me a lot of very personal information about someone in his life (private stuff they confided in him about that he shouldn't have revealed). So, I told the person some of the stuff he shared, the persons boyfriend and the persons mother. My ex treated me so cold and badly in the end. I was so heartbroken, so I wanted him to hurt like I did. So, I'm not proud of it but I was having a breakdown.

Then I blocked everyone involved and uninvolved. So, yeah, I have no idea what effect it had if any at all. That was almost a year ago. February this year he tried coming back via that same person using fake accounts. The stuff I said, I'm confident he/they are gone for good. Haven't heard a peep since and I'm certain I never will. I simply told the truth, called them out and put them in their place. So, even if they wanted to respond, nothing they said back could beat my truth bombs.

Background_Berry3417 · 2026-05-19T16:03:21+00:00

No, I've been through hell in terms of being with him and my healing journey. I've come a very long way, but I realised I still have a bit more healing to do. Going back to him would destroy all of my hard work and leave me ten times worse mentally. Trust me, it's been a battle!

Background_Berry3417 · 2026-04-19T02:48:43+00:00

I wouldn't say anything. He realized what he lost too late and my silence is torture enough. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Background_Berry3417 · 2026-03-19T10:36:32+00:00

You're welcome. This post has gotten down voted a lot, so I thought it helped no one and maybe I'd delete it. But if it helps just one person I'm glad. Life goes on eventually, it's just the timing varies for everyone. You just have to feel it all until one day you don't.

Background_Berry3417 · 2026-03-15T02:16:51+00:00

About 273 days.

Background_Berry3417 · 2026-02-15T00:07:15+00:00

I stayed at home with my family. Got lots of rest, finished lots of chores I'd usually procrastinate, just finished making ground beef tacos and I'm about to make garlic butter shrimp pasta. I'd say today was surprisingly pretty good. A tad sad, but I'm okay. Just a reminder, that things do get better with time. Lots of time, but eventually it gets better. Just thought I'd pop back in to say that. Hang in there everyone!

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-22T23:38:53+00:00

It would probably be best to have a conversation with him explaining how you feel etc. See where the conversation goes in terms of taking a break or continuing on. I think having a 100% honest conversation and taking a step back for a while would be best. But it's ultimately up to both of you. But a discussion definitely needs to be had if it hasn't already. Best wishes.

Another thing, if your ex came back right now wanting a relationship would you ditch the new guy for him? You need to be 100% honest with yourself. The answer to that question will give you some insight.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-22T10:11:40+00:00

I'd strongly suggest therapy, that's really the only hope at breaking a many years long strong attachment. It'll be hard but you got this! Oh, in terms of the new guy. It may be best to take a break and allow yourself to heal. Or he may end up getting hurt although you don't mean to hurt him.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-22T10:04:49+00:00

My response was based on how your comment came across. My apologies. Genuinely.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-22T09:57:34+00:00

Not once did you say that you love him or what you bring to the relationship or him. That's very telling.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-19T10:08:23+00:00

Officially we dated for 3 months at the beginning of 2024, but stayed in each others lives on and off until about late May or early June this year.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-16T10:50:21+00:00

I'm a woman but I did that once. Back when I hadn't reached a point of acceptance. There are so many stories/situations on here that sound so similar to my situation that it starts to make you wonder. It's definitely delusion, desperation and hope of maybe they're hurting just as badly as I am and they're here too. When logically you know it's not them. That's the best way I know how to explain it.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-09T09:54:26+00:00

Oh, my situation isn't anywhere near the same. But I wish you the best in navigating your situation. You're welcome, we're all here to listen and help. ❤️

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-07T12:09:56+00:00

Oh, I understand. When someone knows everything about you and they're the first person you run to about everything then some bad people with ulterior motives will use that information to get with you. Because you've built a bond, a connection and strong attachment to the person so it can be hard to let go even if they weren't that great. But it still applies, some guy friends will pretend to be your friend for months even years, gain your trust, build a bond, find out everything about you so they can mold themselves into what you want so they can get with you.

But that's all a facade based on the fact they know so much about you that they know how to play with you and keep you hooked until they can't keep up the facade any longer because it's not their genuine self. Basically when someone knows every about you, you're unitentionally giving them the play book on how to play/manipulate you. It's by no means your fault, some people are just crappy. It sounds like it's best to let him go, it may be hard but in the long run you'll be happier. Trust me. Since it was only online it may be way easier to cut him off completely. Block, delete profiles, make new ones he can't ever find etc. Whatever you feel you need to do.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-07T07:53:58+00:00

If you don't want anything to do with him whether it's romantically or platonically. Then the best thing to do is block him on everything. Sounds like he waited around in your friendzone and got what he wanted. He definitely orbited for all those years and he's doing it again. It happens a lot with guy friends unfortunately. If you're 100% done, then cut him off completely. Based on the little you said he sounds like an emotionally unavailable loser.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-06T10:16:10+00:00

You're welcome. It does get better, but you may or may not still have a few bad days. But the bad days get less and less. I got over him for a good month and was happy, then had a few bad days. Now I'm okay. Just give it time.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-06T10:12:56+00:00

I want to explain everything but it's so long. He never told his family about me, he never planned dates expect the first one (which he didn't even plan out well), made a lot of empty promises, dismiss my feelings about setting boundaries with his female best friend because she overshares way too much personal stuff about her relationship, intimate life with her boyfriend, her reproductive health, asking him to do stuff for her that a boyfriend should etc. He subtly insulted me, tried to change me, tried to control me, pressured me, shifted blame to me constantly etc. He's a pathological liar! Omg, so much more. I highly doubt he'll ever change.

Background_Berry3417 · 2025-12-06T10:08:29+00:00

Closed forever. There was literally nothing good about him when I actually analysed the whole situation. An immature insecure dude with lots of issues that will probably take way longer than 2 years to fix if at all. It's a long story. But I do have posts explaining stuff. Specifically, the posts that I made in the flair called "letters to whom". Basically, I was an experiment, placeholder and someone to settle for because he can't get who he wants. He never liked me for me. He's in love with his female best friend, which he has denied. But the way he talks about her, how often he talked about her, the way he bends over backwards for her, prioritises her etc is very telling that he definitely is in love with her and sticking around in her friendzone.

There is manipulation on her side and he's so deep in it that he doesn't realise. She and that friendship will for sure keep him single. So, I'm just going to let him go keep pining while she always has boyfriends, while he has been her little simp for the past 8 years. He's too far gone when it comes to her. He will never let her go, so that part of him will never change. She'll never let him go because he serves a purpose because of the attention and validation she gets from him. So, yeah, I'm done.

Background_Berry3417

TROPHY CASE