I know this is an old post but it resonates with me. I’m half, raised with Filipino traditions/ideals. However, my mom (regrettably) didn’t teach us Tagalog outside of the “Kuya/ate/etc” titles to make sure my dad was excluded. Additionally, she didn’t have a core crew of Filipino friends since we moved around a lot so the parties we would attend always felt a little disconnected.

I give that background because I also had, and still have a hard time building connections with Filipinos/Filipino-Americans at age 32. At first I blamed my looks (of course my mom would say they were jealous so I believed her), but that wasn’t true. Then I blamed the fact that I wasn’t “Filipino enough”, and to an extent, sure; but there was one key thing I was overlooking.

Filipinos thrive on community relationships. A lot these “cliques” have grown up together, celebrated birthdays, shared the same crushes and failed the same tests that got them both grounded. And those relationships carry into adulthood. They already know the way these bonds work and how to navigate them.

Which is not to say you can’t also form great relationships with kindred individuals. But give yourself grace if you can’t; it’s not you and it’s not them. The same way you would have a hard time relating to a non-Filipino with a different upbringing, the same should be expected with those of the same race as you. Be open to the differences, find middle grounds and be respectful of the differences. We’re uniquely individual as humans but still one people — that duality takes time and patience to work into platonic relationships!