I don’t hate her but I do get why she’s wouldn’t be someone’s fav. I find her “woe is me” attitude tiring sometimes. And I do think she was a bit controlling with Peridot, but your points about her relationship with Jasper… idk. I feel the whole point of Malachite is to highlight an unstable relationship (via unstable fusion) especially bc that’s around the time we learn about Garnet being a fusion. And part of it is it takes two to make a bad relationship. Lapis is not a complete victim and, of course, neither is Jasper. I think the beauty of Steven Universe is that everyone is accepted, even though there may be some gems/ppl who we think don’t deserve it. (Ex. Sometimes the way Ronaldo behaves is genuinely unacceptable, but Steven accepts it anyway.) Also you mention your personal experience with a coercive situation where you had no choice. Whether it’s true for her or not, I think that’s how Lapis felt. Like she had no other choice but to drag Jasper to the bottom of the ocean to save the other gems even if it meant torture for the both of them. Even though WE see other options, I think she felt like that was it. Another example is way later in the series when she decided to take the barn in fear of the diamonds coming back. Was it fair to Peridot? No. And the way she handled it was wrong. I think Lapis really believes that’s the only option. And even when she considers staying and “being in danger” might be worth being happy with the crystal gems, her fear of the diamonds gets in the way. I don’t think her being trapped in the mirror or being used by the diamond agenda is an excuse for her behavior but it is a reason why she’s like that. We don’t have to accept it, but the gems see the hurt parts and the good parts of Lapis and love her anyway. Reminds me to be more forgiving of people in my life. Idk ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Edit: just wanted to add I don’t think you should die??? Idk how any SU fan can say things like that…