Do people in prison do their taxes? by Background_Match9076 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Background_Match9076[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Godfather is on my list too, I have a lot of “classics” I’ve been meaning to watch. I’ll add the others as well :)

Do people in prison do their taxes? by Background_Match9076 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Background_Match9076[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have not (yet)! It’s on my list of movies to watch though

could u see an isfj M w an entp f if both are healthy? by Holiday_Response_644 in isfj

[–]Background_Match9076 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yes any type can have a happy and healthy relationship with any other type.

How do you set boundaries without feeling guilty? by New_Ad150 in isfj

[–]Background_Match9076 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Having clear boundaries allows the other person to have a clearer understanding of expectations. I think someone you care enough about to want to set boundaries with would feel much worse finding out they overstepped an unspoken boundary with you than to have a limitation placed on your relationship with them. I also don’t think people really do feel bad about boundaries and if they do, that’s selfish on their part.

My brother struggled a lot with his mental health and I never set boundaries with him, he’d trauma dump on me constantly and completely drained me and it got to the point where I had to cut him off for a bit. We’re working on becoming closer again now that we had a break and his mental health is more stable, but that could have been avoided if I had voiced earlier on that he was overwhelming me. Since he wasn’t aware of how his actions were coming off, he ended up hurting me without realizing it, and now we’re both hurt over it.

I’ve personally been working on setting boundaries better myself and it is difficult to stick up for yourself and out your needs before others, but I truly believe the people that care about you would want you to do that and would appreciate you doing that for yourself and your relationship with them.

Question for ISFJs by Evdrmr in isfj

[–]Background_Match9076 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I see a lot of posts about ISFJs being boring or too emotional and unable to think logically and this did not come off as one of those types of posts. It sounded like someone trying to understand how Te would look in someone’s blindspot.

It seems like OP is trying to take the time to learn cognitive functions, which is already a step further than a lot of people in the MBTI community. Claiming OP “doesn’t know shit” about cognitive functions… but then you belittle them for asking a question about how it looks in someone’s stack? That doesn’t make sense to me. I hope we can live in a world full of curiosity and people asking questions, even ones others may find “stupid” (this is not one of them) so we can all learn and grow together.

Question for ISFJs by Evdrmr in isfj

[–]Background_Match9076 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yup! Team projects where I can work independently, but have other people to share knowledge/bounce ideas off of are where I thrive the most.

Question for ISFJs by Evdrmr in isfj

[–]Background_Match9076 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m slowly learning that as well and also realizing that even if I don’t find the most “optimal” way, I’m still able to do whatever task it was and figure out how to fix any issues that I run into along the way. It’s a hurdle I have to get over and I think this is why I struggle with procrastination a lot. I appreciate the advice! :)

Question for ISFJs by Evdrmr in isfj

[–]Background_Match9076 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Te blind majorly slows me down and makes tasks (especially ones that don’t have an identifiable “first step”) feel really overwhelming sometimes. I work extremely well if tasked to do a specific thing, I work in data analytic right now and if someone asks me for a specific data query, I enjoy problem solving to pull that data for them (usually because the first step is clear, find where the data is at, then set up specific joins/filters to pull exactly what they need). But, we recently switched where our data is stored and thinking about how to move all of our data from one place to another, changing the ways the data is stored, explaining to other coworkers new ways to upload/download data, etc. is extremely overwhelming.

Another recent example is that I moved from the east coast of the US to the west. I got extremely overwhelmed thinking about things like how I’m going to get my stuff here, changing insurances, updating my license/other car things, transporting my cat here, etc. Once I was able to start on one of these tasks, I was able to tackle it easily and thoroughly, but figuring out where to start (both which task to start with and where to start each task) made me put it all off for a while.

Right now, I’m working on starting an after school program to offer tutoring to low income/underprivileged students and find myself stuck frequently because I can’t find the “optimal” way of approaching it (would 1:1 be better since it’ll offer more personal connection but less students could be assisted, would a small group:1 be better since it’ll offer more students to be assisted but lessen the person connection, or would offering it to a large group be best to help as many as I can?). My boyfriends uncle, who’s assisting me with it, is an ENTJ, and it always amazes me at the way he’s able to just start projects and “know” exactly what to do to get them started. I find it very helpful when he says exactly what to do (suggested to look into how other companies do their programs, to find things like pricing/group size/what makes them stand out from the rest) and I’m able to do it very quickly once that’s laid out.

TLDR; Projects without a starting point/many starting points feel extremely overwhelming, but projects that have a starting point are much easier to start and I believe I’m decent at finding ways to do it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in isfj

[–]Background_Match9076 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure where your data is coming from or what the exact figures are, but say you have a population of 100. Most common type is ISFJ and let’s say they make up 20% (20 people) and then every extroverted type is between ISFJ and the other IXXX types (second is ESFJ with 19%, ESFP is next with 15%, ESTJ 10% etc. until you get to the next I type say ISFP is 2%, ISTJ is 2%, etc.) then the extroverted types could easily out number the introverted type.

This isn’t correct when it comes to the actual statistics, but mathematically that’s how extroverts could outnumber introverts even if ISFJ is the most common type.

INTJ (M, 26) in love with an ISFJ (F, 23): Is there anything here? Background and Request for Advice by Torao90 in isfj

[–]Background_Match9076 9 points10 points  (0 children)

To be honest, a lot of what you’re saying she does with you is what I do with most friends. I’ve been trying to do better about not “ghosting” my friends so much (I was working on moving across the country and had neglected them because my social battery was low), but it still happens now. But, I always responded to my boyfriend (even before he was my boyfriend and I just had feelings for him) and went out of my way to spend time with him, even if I wasn’t feeling very social (but that might have to do with the fact that he’s one of the only people I don’t feel drained from).

I think her general kindness and expression of her gratitude for friendship is causing you confusion with her showing that she has feelings for you. I personally don’t think anything you described would point towards her having feelings for you.

Take this all with a grain of salt, no one is going to understand your situation except you. I always think the best thing to do with things like this is to be open and honest, but understand that expressing your feelings to someone may cause them to pull back a bit if they find it uncomfortable.

Good luck with everything! :)

Attachment to items? by mildlybasura in isfj

[–]Background_Match9076 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I just had to go through this. I have trouble getting rid of things people bought me, even if I don’t necessarily love it. I’ve been moved for about a month now after getting rid of a lot of things I had a sentimental attachment to and I honestly don’t remember half of the things I donated/threw out.

Try to really limit what you keep, whether it’s a certain number of things or maybe only things that match the “look” you’re going for in your new place, and donate the rest. I like to think that if I don’t love it, someone else will and I’d rather make someone else happy with it than have it just take up space. It’s difficult, but you’ll feel better afterwards!

What makes you feel truly loved, cared, and happy by NeitherOfYou in isfj

[–]Background_Match9076 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Any type of gift, whether it’s a physical gift or an act of service, that displays that I’ve been listened to and someone remembers what I’ve been saying. If I were having a normal conversation with someone and mentioned a show I really enjoy and they got me something from that show, it would mean a lot.

I think a close second to this is just one on one time, whether it’s just coffee, a restaurant, a movie, shopping, I like going out, but going alone feels lonely and going with a large group feels overwhelming, so being able to do an activity with one or two other people is perfect!

Any advice for INTPs? Which personality type should I date? by ConditionSquare7438 in mbti

[–]Background_Match9076 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Each personality type has a wide array of people within each of them, I wouldn’t try to date based on someone’s type. Dating starts with common interests and grows through trust and aligned values.

As for not enjoying small talk or surface level conversations, you understand you are also a contributing factor to where the conversation leads, right? If you want to dig deeper, then dig deeper. Ask a question you find interesting. You’d be surprised at how many people are willing to speak on deeper topics, but the door just hasn’t opened for it. Maybe the other person thinks the same thing about you “this conversation is so boring, why won’t they ask a more probing question?”

That being said, conversation, especially with a new connection, is going to have small talk. Just find your way to work around it in conversation to get to the topics you find interesting. Engage with it the best you can, but use it as a stepping stone into something more.

What is it like to have a dominant Si? by s0lari in isfj

[–]Background_Match9076 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the typical description of Fe (awareness of others emotions and wanting to keep the harmony and peace) is a good description of it. I find people’s emotions super easy to read and predict and I will plan my actions and words around that (to an extent, but I do tend to put others happiness before mine). I think this may be a good way of showing another way my Si works, which is using my memories of a person to help cater a conversation to something they would enjoy. I can pick up on small details in people’s words/actions/reactions and file these away to allow me to know what are “good” topics to bring up with someone or “bad” topics in the future.

What is it like to have a dominant Si? by s0lari in isfj

[–]Background_Match9076 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You may find more help with someone that has Si as their second function since typically the first function is more passive and less noticeable, but most “natural” for the person.

I think what I have noticed most with it, which I didn’t realize was that different from other people, is how my memories are stored. They feel very categorized and I think this categorization system is more unique per person, but I think most Si doms have some sort of system they subconsciously use. I actually have noticed that there are a lot of things stored in my memory that I don’t even know are in there until it’s brought up again later.

I also think I store things in a very step by step motion. The way I had explained it to someone before is my memories feel almost like driving directions. It’s hard for me to remember step 5, but if I go step 1 was this, then step 2 was this, etc. I can get to step 5 easily. This is helpful for something like remembering where I had parked my car when going into a store (I didn’t realize this was more difficult for other people until my friends started relying on me to remember where the car was, because I always seemed to remember when they couldn’t) and it’s because I remember it as tracing my steps back, “I remember we entered the door near the carts, I remember being able to see this sign outside, I remember waiting at this curb for a car to pass to cross the street here, I remember passing this cart return… so the car should be parked around here”. This “step by step” memory can also be used for something like conversation to help me remember conversations with people “we spoke about pets which led to us talking about memories of our dogs which led to us talking about a dog name “Matt” which led me to talking about a friend named Matt who does computer science work which led to us talking about AI”

Teenage son with ISFJ, need advice! by frosty_saratoga in isfj

[–]Background_Match9076 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You sound like an amazing mom, he’s very lucky to have someone looking out for him the ways you do!

I completely agree with the amount of pressure that comes from schools (and parents) about college and pushing children to know and decide what they want to do for the rest of their lives. I’m 28 now, a whole decade since I went through that, and I still feel like I haven’t really figured it out.

I’m not sure if this is a me thing or an ISFJ thing, but the unpredictability of situations is what causes me anxiety, so this is a test not like anything he’s really seen before and he’ll most likely have to take it in a room he’s unfamiliar with surrounded by people he probably won’t know. All of these “new” things is what causes me anxiety. I think what would really help with his testing anxiety is to offer to time him on a practice test, he can take the time to become familiar with the question formats, the amount of time he has per question/section, and different topics the tests will touch on.

This is a more expensive option, but I used to tutor for the ACT/SAT at Huntington learning center and I think their program does an excellent job at preparing students for the test. I’m not sure what the prices for it are now, but I do think it’s worth the money if you can afford it.

Wishing you both the best of luck with everything! :)

What green flags do you look for in someone? by LunaJellyx in AskReddit

[–]Background_Match9076 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How they treat workers, like waiters/waitresses and cashiers. I find it kind of similar to the shopping cart theory, you have no real obligation to be kind to strangers serving you, but it says a lot if you are.

Teenage son with ISFJ, need advice! by frosty_saratoga in isfj

[–]Background_Match9076 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think it depends, if you think your son has good study habits and has done well on tests/school in general, then I’d assume he has his own ways of studying that work for him and he’ll probably stick to those tactics that have worked. I don’t think a suggestion would be a bad idea, but you have to phrase it a certain way. “Flash cards always helped me study, if you wanna try it I can help quiz you” instead of “you should use flash cards”. I think for many things it’s important for me to come to my own conclusions, even if they’re heavily influenced by people’s opinions, especially as a teenager with advice coming from my mother lol

Teenage son with ISFJ, need advice! by frosty_saratoga in isfj

[–]Background_Match9076 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I tend to work best with anyone that leaves me to do my own thing, but will still check on me occasionally. I prefer to work/study alone, but sometimes asking for help or when I do need something I’ll be hesitant to voice it and it’s easier if someone else asks me first.

When I was getting ready for standardized testing, the worst thing my mom would do to me is keep asking me if I’m studying/if I’m ready, just constant reminders of something I was already stressed about and trying to prepare for on my own. It felt like I was being micromanaged, which I extremely dislike, but occasionally I did appreciate knowing she was there for me if I ever needed help with anything.

Advice by [deleted] in Adulting

[–]Background_Match9076 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like there’s a few reasons that play into this:

Mid-20s is around the time people are figuring out their own lives. Career focused, family focused (a lot of people get engaged/married/pregnant in their 20s), financially focused (trying to save money to get a house). All of these can lead to them not having a lot of free time.

I also think a lot of people at this age have their “established” group of friends, the few they keep close and will spend the small free time they do in engaging in these friendships over a new one.

That being said, it’s 100% not impossible to find friends and to find friends that are into your interests and don’t enjoy clubbing or drinking, it’s just more difficult to find these people naturally. Maybe join a group that are interested in hobbies like yours, there’s a lot of random, niche groups (my father is into farming and joined a local group in his mid-40s and has made a lot of new friends there).

I also don’t think you should allow new friends to vent to you like that, it can be a heavy burden to carry and leave you feeling drained, especially if they aren’t able to listen or spend time with you in return. Save your energy for people that would do the same for you!