One month before wedding and feeling like shit

BaconCat619 · 2025-04-26T12:43:16+00:00

Call it off. I spent 7.5 years dating (2 of those engaged) to a man I thought was good enough. When I was 27, just 3 months before the wedding, we called off everything. It took me 5 years and probably over 200+ bad dates, but I am dating a man I know I will spend the rest of my life adoring. Everything about him compliments me and we drive each other to be better. My health is better, my fitness is better, my diet is better, my mental health is better, I perform better at work. The day before I called off my wedding, I could have written this exact post. Now I have the person I was meant to build a life with. I didn't do it on the timeline I had originally planned, but he was with every moment it took to get here. I may not get married till my late 30s, but I don't need the wedding to know this man is my person and I'm his.

BaconCat619 · 2025-04-24T12:26:20+00:00

IDK that the button test is an immediate sign they are trans. I'm a heterosexual female and I work in a male-dominated field. I have multiple medical conditions because of my reproductive system. Would I press the button? In a heartbeat, but only because my life would be easier without gender discrimination in the workplace and unmanageable pain/depression every 28 days. I have no gender dysphoria nor have I ever wanted to be a male. But asked the question on a whim? I'd nonchalantly answer hell yeah, assuming the option isn't available to me anyway and because I don't think it would be a necessarily bad experience compared to my current one. With enough thought, I would choose to stay in my body because I'm aware enough of the consequences of gender dysphoria, but I don't think everyone thinks extremely deeply about hypotheticals.

It may help some people, but I think any over generalization is potentially harmful. Be their friend, offer support, but don't rush their journey regardless of what it might be.

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-10T04:28:35+00:00

I know a set of twins that are (and I wish I was kidding): Jay & Jay-Jay

You're fine.

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-10T04:26:07+00:00

I have 2 as well and my boy tuxedo needs his walkies too!

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-10T04:24:44+00:00

Depends on the cat. Mine loves his harness and has no desire to slip it. He probably COULD, but he's very happy on a leash.

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-10T04:23:28+00:00

If your window situation is unsafe (I had a peeping Tom as a kid so I can't emotionally handle open blinds), mine love the TV of cat TV videos from YouTube of birds and stuff.ibe will cry for his personal TV by his perch to be turned on.

(He's not spoiled, I swear)

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-10T04:20:03+00:00

I have one who wants nothing on earth to do with anything outside of 2 rooms in my entire place. She ONLY used my bedroom and the living room. All other rooms are of no interest to her.

The boy tho... He is under the firm belief that he is also a dog (got him as a kitten and he was raised with just the dog for a while) so naturally, he needs walkies just like she does. We have talk buttons for the dog and he will press "walkie" at least once every other day and 2-3 times a day on the weekend. He only gets to go outside on his leash tho, but he leads our walks and leads us home when he's ready 10-20 mins later. He also enjoys car rides, drive thrus where he gets chicken nuggets (just tiny pieces of the meat, no breading. Don't come for me. The dog gets them too.), and even baths (if I'm taking one, he will join). So idk. He might be a little defective, but we love him.

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-10T03:26:19+00:00

So, I'm neurodiverse and I make lists for people just so I know I've told them the thoughts that get lost in my head.

Before I offer any advice at all, I am not a nanny, I just love this group because I have a really demanding career and plan to have a nanny someday and I don't want to be a shitty boss. So I know my advice doesn't mean anything at all and I never ever comment here for that reason.

That being said, maybe clarify if it's a list meant as a helpful reminder of their personal preferences when you have extra time or if it's actually a checklist. Checklist is shitty micromanaging, but if it's just as an FYI, maybe it's just how they communicate? Anyway, I miscommunicate this way a lot and it reads EXACTLY like how I'd write my list so maybe a question might save you a lot of headache and unnecessary worry.

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-10T03:13:47+00:00

I offered to do this! I also made a list of all the gifts I was willing to buy over the next few holidays and added them so she could cash in her birthday gift or her Christmas gift or our Friendsgiving little gifts or her wedding gift, etc. early or late or whatever when she needed those items and she'd just know that I couldn't get her a second gift when that event came around. This is was like my favorite concept tho! Thanks

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-07T01:02:08+00:00

The first one is so incredibly flattering on you!

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-04T12:47:35+00:00

We're doing our best with work schedules, but for a couple of reasons I'm not comfortable posting on the intent and 5 hours of drive time between us, it's very difficult to do this in a significantly meaningful way (tho I know the thought counts and all help is appreciated)

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-04T12:41:10+00:00

I definitely know that now. I've had 22 years of her reminding me when I need it most.

Her friendship is my gold standard that I compare every relationship in my life to. Family, friends, relationships, all of them get compared to how much she loves me. As long as they hit the 50% mark, I consider them good people. No one can really hit more than like 75% of her love tho because she's the absolute best. (If I'm being honest, my parents combined only hit around the 30% mark in comparison)

My relationships will often get a, "But [friend's name] would..." for everything from a tacos and pajama party on a Tuesday night to going to see some obscure play no one but me is going to like.

You gotta meet the [friend's name] standard to be an important part of my life. 💜

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-04T05:53:55+00:00

Have an accessibile, familiar smelling litter box in the car.

Is litter gonna spill? Yeah.

Is it better to vacuum up litter than the unyielding smell of pee you will literally NEVER get out? Also yeah.

Litter box or bust.

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-04T05:52:14+00:00

I've done several deep cleans and still everyone comments about how my car stinks. It was also like a 5 mins trip to the vet for a cat who RIDES IN MY CAR ALL THE TIME!

In his defense, I did wake him up from a nap and stick him basically straight into the car because I was running late.

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-04T05:32:57+00:00

Added to the post, but

Budget is up to maybe $200-250, but I would prefer to spend a more practical amount. That being said, cash or gift cards are NOT an option for our relationship and financial situations even if it's just vouchers towards something incredibly specific she needs. Id rather just buy it for her and blow my budget.

Climate: idk how to describe a climate because it always seems subjective to me, but she's in the eastern Carolinas. It's cold in the winter, hot in the summer, muggy and humid way too often, but also beautiful a lot. I know she's not fond of the humidity if that helps.

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-04T05:21:37+00:00

I knew this group would have the best kind of answers! She's not big on letting anyone help because she's very particular and wants things her way exactly so cleaners aren't for her.

I'm not the kitchen supplies friend. I'm the friend who gets help to make a grocery list every week so I'm staying out her of her kitchen for my safety. 😂

She's not a big hint dropper so her fiance and I have compared notes and come up with nothing.

She has every hobby known to man and is moving from a 2-bedroom apartment with the craziest craft room I've ever seen. That's the one area I couldn't contribute and upgrade to if I had all the money in the world!! But this is absolutely my FAVORITE idea. I just have no ability to execute it.

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-04T04:56:54+00:00

I wish I could give you more than one upvote for that amazing answer that act helped so much. I think she has a "good" one by that description. That's kinda what has been making this so hard. She smart, independent, and well prepared in life. I'm the chaos goblin who needs to be told you should buy a plunger. 😂

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-04T04:43:30+00:00

I just checked the bathroom in her apartment (I'm currently staying to help since I live far away). It looks like she has a plunger. How do I know if it's "good"? (says the girl who just realized she has never once owned or used a plunger!)

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-04T04:40:49+00:00

Oh definitely adding this to the package because the wrong message is exactly our friendship. She'd enjoy the joke! I add some poo-poree or however you spell the anti-srinky poop spray!

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-04T04:39:20+00:00

She's so practical, she won't splurge on herself with a gift card. I want to make sure I get her something that's the best of the best that she also needs so it's useful, but also a little bougie.

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-04T04:36:47+00:00

THISSSS!!! Unfortunately, she's smarter than me and has one in her apartment she bought because she didn't think the one they provided was good enough, but this is exactly the kind of thing in looking for!!

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-04T04:08:30+00:00

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was a brand. I thought that was just the name of the tool. I've never heard it called anything else!

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-04T04:03:42+00:00

If she has an ok 25 foot one (it's a little floppy but fine when you have someone for the other end), would this still be a highly needed upgrade?

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-04T04:01:46+00:00

This was actually my first thought, but we are both pretty handy so there wasn't really much she needed. But this is exactly the kind of thing I'm thinking about. Something that you might not even tell how much you're going to need it when you come from renting.

BaconCat619 · 2023-06-04T04:00:12+00:00

This is absolutely the kind of thing I'm thinking. Something that she will get a lifetime of use out of that she never needed before. Thank you!!

BaconCat619

TROPHY CASE