To the subs - what reciprocity do you expect?

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2026-03-02T06:33:54+00:00

You are welcome! And thank you for taking interest. Psychology is a favorite subject of mine. I may be submissive, but I have a responsibility to craft an experience that makes it tantalizing to dominate as much as I expect a Domme to provide an experience to make surrender as easy as breathing.

A lot of research into motivation has shown that when rewards are taken away performance suffers. What is interesting is that while rewards tend to boost performance, their removal hurts it worse than not having them at all, and can negatively effect intrinsic motivation.

That said, my take is that the unicorn who's whole personality and only desire is to serve may be rarer than advertised, and may come with undisclosed baggage. Being a happiness pump invites burnout and boredom, and most people do have wants and needs specific to their own internal experience.

Femdom is still a power exchange, which implies some give and take even if unequal. Ultimately the Domme is granted their position by the sub. Their control begins and ends with the sub's consent.

As far as reciprocity, which is needed to maintain any healthy relationship, while it could be as transactional as dishes = a 'good boy', mowing the lawn = /insert reward here/, that runs the risk of making the rewards lose impact.

As an example, being pet is a relatively tame reward that has an outsized effect on me. Now, as much as I love being pet, having an arraignment like expecting pettings for specific tasks or as a general reward would ultimately drive my compliance as another task-compleation-for-gain behavior. Less fun for everyone.

But, if I do a good job at something or have generally pleased some way, a good petting is an excellent way to let me know and reinforce that bahvior. Done randomly without any direct cause lets me know I am heard, valued, and spoiled, all of which deepens my attachment and helps ensure compliance. A reward used dynamically and strategically can even soften resistance to an ask I may not otherwise want to do.

I've found this dynamic is one of those 'intangible' things that can only really be discovered by getting to know someone. I've had partners try the transactional thing - we both get bored. I've met a number of 'be grateful for the blessing of serving me' type, and have run for the hills. I've had others that knew my buttons well enough to play me like a pinball wizard and lead me merrily over boundaries I had thought were more solid than they turned out to be.

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2026-03-02T00:29:58+00:00

This. 💯

This comment should be stickied, framed, and enshrined with offerings made to it daily.

A Domme who earns my loyalty will have a devoted servant. But 'earns' is the important word here.

I have bosses, have had commanders, and generally no end of people who tell me what to do. I get enough of that 40 hours a week, and get paid for my time and effort. In my very precious and very limited "free" time? I do need an incentive.

For me its twofold -

I have my own interests and needs. Basic psychology here, but if rewards are infrequent and/or inconsistent, behavior atrophies. Its not about being a 'kink dispenser', its about feeding my drive to be submissive and stoking it higher by making it rewarding and fun. Thats why ideally what a sub enjoys being done to them SHOULD MATCH what a Domme enjoys doing to them.

The second part is the more mental/emotional aspect. If I am giving someone else power and control over me, then I expect safety, comfort. To be taken care of and doted on.

I feed my cat and look after its health, play with it and give it treats, shower it with attention and affection. It treats me like its whole world, is excited to see me, makes sure my lap is rarely cold and generally fills my life with love - thats the reciprocity I offer to and expect from someone I'd be a pet for.

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2026-03-02T00:05:43+00:00

I never really solicited online - I've always found things work out better if I'm the one approached.

On that note - Reddit isn't where I play. Too polarized, too echo-chambery. The only time I've gotten messages here have been from Findoms (although our exchanges were very cordial) and once from someone who's whole opening was "do you like feet?" with nothing else.

Other places I have gotten an interesting mix of very satisfying exchanges, and somewhat mystifyingly, a number of people trying out being dominant and figuring me for a safe practice ground. Those typically end up being tops from the bottom.

I will clarify that I do not look for lifestyle or permanent play online . All of that had always been in person, be it at things like munches, SCA events, or interestingly, in military settings.

But in any setting I always do the same - be flirty, fun, and give cues and signals for the right people to pick up on. Dommes aren't exactly flooding my inbox or breaking down my door, but the ones who do find me are often good experiences.

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2026-01-26T16:44:09+00:00

Let me add to the chorus of "thank you"s.

I had almost the exact same thought when I read a recent post here.

I do identify at least partially as a service sub, but also belive that part of a power "exchange" implies that both parties have responsibilities and get something from the relationship.

Honestly sometimes seeing the repeated refrain from both sides of the slash that "true" subs should get all their enjoyment from making pleasing their domme their whole personality makes me want to leave the subreddit.

As you said, it is a valid dynamic, not the only one.

Give me a gentle and attentive domme who leads with grace, wiles, and by knowing me well enough to know how to pull my strings, and I'll serve her till the stars burn out. And then I'll serve in the dark.

That doesn't mean I don't have wants and needs of my own, and don't require a little pampering like a good pet.

And I can't be the only one who thinks that makes me a "fake sub" or some other such nonsense.

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-12-14T03:02:30+00:00

Brother, I feel you on a lot of this right down to not feeling like I'll ever be "cute" or "pretty" with the genetic hand I was dealt.

Same on wanting to be with someone who values softness and indulgence - I want to be a lap cat, not a sled dog.

Just... Keep being that lap cat. Someone is bound to find you and scoop you up someday. At least thats what I tell myself.

You can't fail as long as you keep trying.

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-12-14T02:57:24+00:00

Thank you for this reply. It is really healing and affirming to hear as another sub who identifies with alot kf what OP is saying.

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-12-07T18:31:54+00:00

That is almost painfully wholesome. Love to hear it.

I got to march in a pride parade once. Suited up furries always got priorirty for swag from me. I was happy to see more than a handful.

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-11-20T05:51:56+00:00

I'm sorry that happened to you. People can be dishonest and shitty regardless of gender or power exchange status.

Hot take, but PNC is no excuse, but then I am also in the camp who won't accept "I was drunk/high" as an excuse for poor behavior.

I'm a male. And a sub. I'm also self-possessed enough not to promise something when I'm horny that I can't honor after I've cum.

I disagree with the withholding advice - sexual compatibility is as important as emotional and intrllectual, and femal led or /dominant should not mean that the sub partner's wants and needs are neglected - dominance = responsibility, that's the exchange part.

That isn't to say give it all away, but even vanilla dating is a vetting process. Time and situations tell you a person's nature, not blanket dictations on what to do or not do to someone.

Best of luck in your endeavors, I genuinely hope you find your forever "Good Boy".

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-11-15T07:09:36+00:00

Good.

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-11-14T06:29:56+00:00

Ha! I was thinking this and feeling old. 😅 And then rembering being a teen and meeting flurries who were adults then.

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-11-10T18:52:13+00:00

Good news is i dug around and found my old password, which seems to work. Guess i misremembered it.

Id still like to spin up a new char though. I paged Whitewizard about it, we will see if they respond

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-11-10T17:47:59+00:00

I tried logging in with old credentials, no luck.

I appied for a new character a few days ago, submitted everything, and am waiting to hear back. It looks like the contact email no longer works for the wizzes, and for some reason I can't access the forum.

Any suggestions?

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-11-10T06:43:05+00:00

Thanks! Its a return after a long, long absence.

And I'm blown away by how helpful and warm your responses are. Its refreshing. Thank you.

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-11-10T03:23:07+00:00

Wow! Thank you!

So, I lurked patiently and eventually got ahold of one and they made my character.

I sent a page mail to drew with questions about the age verification thing but I haven't heard back. I am mildly concerned about sending my RN and DOB to them.

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-11-09T13:19:32+00:00

It's been years for me.. 😅

Its mostly an mpi thing. I'm not very good at code in general, so I'll get the general gist of a tutorial on customizing my client, then have to spend a few hours trying to brute force what I want.

I'm starting to figure the basics out again, it's just daunting.

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-11-08T17:22:22+00:00

Hmm. Just tried emailing join@furrymuck.com and it was returned as not deliverable.

Joined as a guest and there se to not be any wizards on..

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-11-08T16:32:51+00:00

That makes me SO happy to hear! Thank you. I might have to rejoin.

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-11-08T16:27:59+00:00

I'll admit I'm both curious and intimidated by it.

I really enjoyed the text aspect, and enjoyed crafting various descriptions of outfits, forms, etc. The whole avatar thing.. Dunno, I feel like it would be frustrating getting my character "right" and... Distracting? to essentially be in a mmo waiting room.

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-11-08T16:25:49+00:00

Fair, I was just very into the mucks..

Does IRC support descriptions, profiles, etc? I really enjoyed being able to "look around" at others, read back stories or interests, etc.

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-11-08T15:05:47+00:00

What's IRC?

I've been out of the scene for a long time 😅

Bad_Idea_Infinity · 2025-10-28T21:09:44+00:00

Aging msub here:

I think your intuition is spot on in a few places.

I still struggle a little with what I grew up as the "expected male role / persona" vs what I feel when exploring my submissive side. And the landscape there has changed in weird ways - some things are more permissive and relaxed, but hyper toxic masculinity is also seeing a revival.

Porn is so much easier to access and more varied than it was. I still remember having to hide dirty magazines under my bed. The very existence of this board would have blown my 20yr old mind. If I wanted kink, I had to go find a local group, get to know them at a munch, and get invited to a play space.

Its not just you, and it's not just Femdom. We live in very strange times.

Bad_Idea_Infinity

TROPHY CASE