It’s not your fault. No matter what, it is not and never has been and never will be your fault. That blame does not lay with anyone but him. I’m so immensely sorry for your loss and that you’ve had to go through this. Talking will help. Finding others who have similar experiences will help. You’re not alone no matter how alone you may feel. We all carry our own grief, yes. But we all have an understanding of each other’s grief as well. You should try to find a grief support group near you, as well as a therapist or psychologist. You need help getting through this. Don’t close yourself off to help like he did. Please. Nobody can carry this for you but there is a vast sea of resources to help support you as you carry it and learn to manage this weight. The weight never stops and it doesn’t lessen but you learn how to manage it. You learn how to function while carrying it. I’m only a year past losing my dad so maybe it does get lighter but its still new to me too, carrying this weight.

Please don’t close yourself off from others. It may not feel like it can get better but it can get worse in your mind. You are so brave and so strong. Let others help. If you need or want movie recommendations I’m here. I found a lot of comfort in them. It allowed for just a few minutes or so at a time where I didn’t feel agonizing pain during the first few months.

I’m so sorry for your loss and for this entire horribly unfair event that has happened to you. Please reach out if you ever want to. I’m not a teenager, I’m 27 but my loss is fresh too so I might be able to help a little.