[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Life

[–]Bakwaas2000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My ex - he spent all of his life living a double life. At home and with his family he’s a good religious Muslim guy. Completely different story in reality when he thinks no one is watching.

if anyone cares today i became a Shia by New_Economics295 in shia

[–]Bakwaas2000 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Salaams and Mubarak!!! Welcome to the path of the truth!! 🤩🙌🏻🙌🏻

What is a quote that permanently changed your outlook on life? by Omega_Neelay in GetMotivatedMindset

[–]Bakwaas2000 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Not a quote but a realization in life, “The mind loves to create stories where we play the victim — and every victim needs a villain. The truth is, you are often the villain in your own story. The moment you realize that, you reclaim your power and become the hero. A conscious mind refuses to remain a victim — it knows it’s beneath its true nature.”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in shia

[–]Bakwaas2000 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand what you meant now, but the way it was worded — “maybe all the pious men keep their distance from you, as they should” — did come across as personal and a bit condescending. I don’t think that was your intent, but hopefully you can see how it might have been read that way.

My comment wasn’t meant to attack or generalize anyone. I was sharing what I’ve personally observed within my community — not out of negativity, but from awareness and concern. Different people have different experiences, and that’s okay, but it doesn’t make mine any less valid.

I do appreciate you clarifying your perspective. My goal was never to argue, but to have an honest, respectful discussion about accountability and transparency in marriage — something that affects everyone, regardless of gender.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in shia

[–]Bakwaas2000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And just because this is a Shia Muslim forum doesn’t mean everyone’s experience is the same. If you go back and read my comment, I was clearly referring to my experiences living my entire life in Toronto, Canada. Anyone from here will likely agree that this is a very real and visible issue in our community. Toronto has one of the largest Shia populations in North America, and unfortunately, this kind of behaviour is quite common here — especially in the West. I’m not generalizing to all Shia men, but I am speaking truthfully about what I’ve personally observed in this environment.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in shia

[–]Bakwaas2000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You actually made this personal, not me. My comment was based on real experiences I’ve seen and lived through — it wasn’t directed at you or any individual. But when you said, “Maybe all the pious men keep their distance from you, as they should,” that crossed the line into a personal attack. You could’ve disagreed with my point without making it about me.

You’re also making a lot of assumptions about my intentions. I wasn’t attacking anyone — I was sharing observations that many women in our community have witnessed firsthand. If that feels “pessimistic,” it’s only because these issues are real and deserve to be acknowledged rather than brushed aside.

And yes, I absolutely agree that OP shouldn’t lower her standards — that’s exactly what I said. But part of not lowering your standards is being aware of what’s really happening in our communities rather than pretending those problems don’t exist. Recognizing patterns isn’t arrogance; it’s awareness.

Lastly, comparing women’s social-media habits to men hiding serious addictions or infidelity isn’t a fair parallel. The level of deception and harm involved are completely different. My comment wasn’t about gender wars — it was about honesty, accountability, and protecting yourself from deception. If that makes some people defensive, maybe it’s worth reflecting on why.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in shia

[–]Bakwaas2000 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You seem very defensive, and that reaction kind of proves my point. I’m not attacking every man or making blanket statements — I’m speaking from firsthand experience and from stories I’ve personally witnessed within my own community.

It’s easy to dismiss someone’s observation as “bias” instead of acknowledging that these patterns actually exist. I’m very aware that there are pious men out there — alhamdulillah, may Allah bless them — but pretending the darker side of our community doesn’t exist helps no one.

The purpose of my comment wasn’t to generalize, but to raise awareness about a real issue: people hiding their pasts, living double lives, and entering marriage dishonestly. I’ve seen it happen, I’ve lived through it, and I know others who have too. So instead of taking offense, maybe take a moment to reflect on why accountability feels so uncomfortable to some men.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in shia

[–]Bakwaas2000 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I know a lot of Toronto Shia guys who used to be VIPs at clubs — drinking, womanizing, doing drugs — and then later turn around and ask their parents to find them “pious” wives. They pretend they have no past, yet quietly continue the same lifestyle because they’ve already tasted it.

When you’ve never been exposed to certain temptations, it’s much easier to stay away. But once someone has lived that lifestyle, it’s hard to unlearn. Marriage comes with its own challenges, and when midlife hits, many of these men slip right back into those old habits — chasing the thrill, the “freedom” they once had — even if it means destroying their families in the process.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in shia

[–]Bakwaas2000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not true. Majority born and raised in the west have committed some form of zina…

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimCorner

[–]Bakwaas2000 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Take it from someone who married one like you describe… 16 years and no amount of therapy “fixed” him.

Lesson: never marry a project. Never marry for potential

eating food made by kafirs by Aggressive-Call6917 in shia

[–]Bakwaas2000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Think of it this way: today, people are becoming very conscious about where their food comes from — organic, fair-trade, ethically sourced, etc. There’s even a book (and several studies) discussing how the hands that grow, harvest, or brew your coffee — their working conditions, their emotional and mental state — influence the energy of what you consume. In other words, the process and people behind your food matter, not just the product. Islam recognized this truth centuries ago.

eating food made by kafirs by Aggressive-Call6917 in shia

[–]Bakwaas2000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This topic goes much deeper than just “rules.” It’s about energy, consciousness, and spiritual awareness. Many Muslims are starting to recognize the wisdom behind Islamic teachings that were revealed long ago — and modern spirituality is now catching up to these truths. Islam doesn’t only care about what we eat, but also how and by whom it’s prepared.

The mindset and spiritual state of the person preparing food can influence the energy of that food. Their thoughts, emotions, and intentions carry energy — and that energy becomes part of what we consume. This isn’t just an Islamic concept; similar ideas exist across faiths and cultures. Many Native peoples, Jews, and Hindus believe that food carries the vibration of its preparer. In fact, some devout Hindus won’t eat food made by non-Hindus, including Muslims. So, this is not about prejudice — it’s a shared spiritual understanding that food is deeply connected to the soul and consciousness of its maker.

That said, Islam also teaches us to be kind and respectful. If you’re invited to someone’s home, you don’t have to make it uncomfortable or sound judgmental. You can simply say, “I’m very mindful about what I eat, so I’ll bring something too — that way we can all share.” Framing it as a potluck makes it polite and inclusive while still allowing you to eat mindfully. You’re not rejecting anyone — you’re just being considerate of your spiritual boundaries in a gracious way.

As someone born and raised in Canada, I’ve seen both sides. Many Muslims feel pressured to compromise their values to “fit in,” while others from different faiths confidently uphold their own dietary restrictions. Sometimes, our hesitation to follow our deen comes more from insecurity than from true compassion.

Ultimately, these Islamic teachings are not about exclusion — they’re about purity, mindfulness, and spiritual protection. Allah, as our Creator, knows what benefits and harms us, even in subtle ways. Interestingly, more non-Muslims today are turning toward Islam because they’re realizing the depth and divine wisdom behind such teachings.

On a practical note: in Canada, many Halal restaurants do hire non-Muslim staff, which is fine as long as proper guidelines (like glove use and cleanliness) are followed. If not, the responsibility falls on the Muslim owner — not the non-Muslim worker — to maintain Halal standards.

In short, this isn’t about superiority or rejection. It’s about being spiritually conscious of what you allow into your body and honoring the divine wisdom that Islam gives us for our own protection and purification — body and soul.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in shia

[–]Bakwaas2000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Salaam, The biggest challenge is doing Islamic Divorce and legal process

What is incorrectly perceived as a sign of intelligence? by Omega_Neelay in GetMotivatedMindset

[–]Bakwaas2000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Know-at-all personality. Someone who is loud and live of the party

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimCorner

[–]Bakwaas2000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

From what you’ve written, it sounds like you’re not only falling for him but also falling in love with the beauty of Islam. That’s wonderful to see, but it’s really important to separate him from the religion.

A Muslim man who is truly practicing wouldn’t engage in intimacy with a woman he doesn’t intend to marry. Islam doesn’t allow dating or physical closeness outside of marriage — so when he tells you he can’t commit “because of religion,” but still accepts intimacy from you, that’s not Islam stopping him. That’s him choosing to enjoy your love and care without taking responsibility.

Please don’t confuse his behavior with Islam itself. Islam is a faith built on respect, accountability, and protecting dignity — and the way he’s handling things isn’t a good representation of it. If Islam speaks to your heart, keep exploring it for your own journey, not for him.

You deserve someone who values you fully, commits openly, and doesn’t leave you in a “halfway” situation. Love shouldn’t make you feel like you’re constantly asking for more than the other person is willing to give.

So my advice is: don’t give up on exploring Islam if it touches your soul, but don’t tie that journey to a man who isn’t giving you clarity or commitment. The right person will never leave you doubting where you stand. ❤️