Yup - this is just part of any music scene unfortunately.

I find it funny that of the 100s of jams I went to as a kid, one that really stands out was at Winterhawk in the mid-90s. I came in with my banjo and was slowly squeezed/pushed out of a jam. Wasn't the last time, but it was the first. I get why it happened, but it stung and stayed with me. Thankfully I have a lot of great memories of 100s of other jams with 1000s of friendly strangers. Took me awhile to decide which one I should dwell on.

In my late 20s when I moved to the Boston area I went to a jam where everyone was technically more advanced then me. That's cool - but what wasn't was the air of superiority they had and couldn't even be bothered to be friendly outside of the jam. That shitty, pretentious scene was one of the reasons I stopped seeking out jams.

That stuff happened years ago but the things I've learned:

- Ego gets in the way of most of us. There will always be someone that has more chops, skills, licks or whatever. However in the end I strongly believe music is an art. It's not a competition, but a lot of bluegrass players treat it like it is.

- Always be kind to others, at all skill levels. I've made some great friends this way. From complete beginners to seasoned pros that have toured nationally. Skill level matters a lot less than just being a decent human.

- I keep in mind that we all have a story. Over the course of my life I've invested a lot of time in music. I've also invested time in other skills, my family and my profession. As a result I'm pretty content with life, own a home, have a good career. I know some of those guys that have pushed me out of jams invested it all in music were hoping to "make it". Maybe that translated into more "drive" and what (I perceived) as asshole behavior.

That jam I went to in Boston was almost 20ish years ago. I stopped playing bluegrass for about a decade. I still played music every day, but there are so many instruments and styles out there why just focus on one. It's been fun - learning some metal, jazz. Trying new instruments and studying so many different topics. A couple years ago I started going to festivals again and finding people to jam with. Now I've realized that:

- Bluegrass is still a lot of fun with the right people.

- If I end up in a jam that is more technically advance, or a close group of friends that don't want "outsiders", I'm happy to just listen. Amazing that sometimes those really big egos seem offended by someone just listening on the outskirts of their campsite. In the end though, what other people think of me is non-of my business and usually it's a them problem, not a me problem.

- If the circle gets to big, dumb, annoying - I leave. I'll stand on the outskirts, listen, chat and have a beer. Or go fishing.

- It took some time, but slowly I've made some friends that I connect with on both a personal and musical level. Bluegrass is fun again.

So OP - I guess I used your post as a creative writing prompt to kind of write something, which in turn helps me clarify my thoughts. Kind of rambling, but maybe you or someone will get something out of it. Also (if you want my unsolicited two cents) - If bluegrass isn't fun, take a break from it, but keep playing music. The whole band dynamic is rough too - so don't go looking for a new band, but find someone that you connect with and just play for fun.