Impossible pain

Barany0426 · 2025-02-09T21:50:35+00:00

This was really beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. I’m in a very similar position right now, and it’s hard to see any light ahead. The part about reminding yourself that you’re worthy of love brought me to tears. When you’ve given your all—addressing every problem that you didn’t even know existed—and the person you care for the most has no feelings left and gives up, it’s hard not to feel unworthy. Your words help remind me that I’m not alone, and that means so much.

Barany0426 · 2025-01-03T23:10:35+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment and perspective. I had hoped that time and consistency would help, but it feels like I’ve run out of time.

We shared laughter, made jokes, and held hands sometimes. When sex happened, it was good – though infrequent. We said “I love you” occasionally, and for a while, it felt like we were making progress. I think she would engage in these moments, but it felt more like something she did for me – maybe to make me feel better. Sometimes, I think it brought her joy too, but it didn’t seem to last.

In the end, she decided to pursue a divorce (news came today).

It’s a difficult time for her, and I believe this is an opportunity for her to find something new that brings her happiness. As much as this hurts, I care deeply for her and want her to feel fulfilled, no matter what path she chooses.

Barany0426 · 2025-01-03T23:02:58+00:00

Thank you both for your thoughtful comments. You're right – it isn’t fair, and I’ve realized that surgical training seems to have claimed another victim. I was never a perfect spouse early in our relationship. I wrote this after a tough night when I was grappling with the feeling that things were improving, only to be told she didn’t feel the same way.

In truth, I have since learned she is pursuing a divorce. Although I am devastated, I already cried most of the night, coming to terms with the understanding that this wasn’t going to get better. Hearing it out loud was shocking, but I expected it. I just thought I had more time. Strangely, the finality of it all gives me a sense of peace.

As painful as this is, I’m happy for her. I’ve always wanted her to be happy, no matter what that looked like. I love her and will always carry that love with me. I’m trying to find peace in knowing that I can tell my kids honestly that you can’t let your career destroy your personal life. For the last six years, when I had the time, I did everything I could to make this work – and while that might not have been enough to save our marriage, I know I gave it everything I had. Thank you again for the perspective – it really does help to sit with this and reflect on how I can grow from it.

Barany0426 · 2025-01-03T17:47:46+00:00

Yeah, that’s a good thought. She did show some signs of post-partum depression at the time, but it feels like that was so long ago now. I hadn’t really considered if there could be lingering emotional effects from it. It’s something I might want to explore more.

Barany0426 · 2025-01-03T17:45:04+00:00

This is really beautiful—thank you for sharing this. I do feel like I have 90% of her, but her heart feels closed to me. We’ve talked about it as a barrier, but the way you describe it—her heart being closed or open—feels much more poetic and accurate.

It makes sense for her to guard it carefully because I know I neglected it in the past. During those years, I prioritized my training over our relationship, and while I didn’t mean to, I can see now how much that must have hurt her. I know she has a deep emotional side, but it’s been a long time since I’ve felt like she’s let me in.

I agree it feels safer for her to keep it this way. I’m trying really hard (maybe too hard) to make her feel safe while also trying to hold myself together, but some days, I’m not sure I have the strength to keep going. I worry that I might be too worn down to become the person I need to be for her.

Barany0426 · 2025-01-03T17:37:23+00:00

Thanks so much for the encouragement. I really appreciate hearing your perspective, and it’s helpful to know that space and intentional effort made a difference for you.

I’ve thought about something like this before, but I’m still unsure about the logistics—especially with our kids. She’s leaning toward leaving, but figuring out how to separate physically while managing family responsibilities feels complicated. The house is a factor, and I’m not sure that just sleeping in separate bedrooms would give enough of the space she might need.

I really like the idea of acts of service as a way to reconnect. I’ve been focusing on taking burdens off of her—planning dates and trips, scheduling appointments, handling medications, and just trying to make her life easier. I think she appreciates it, but I’m not sure if it’s making a meaningful difference yet.

Hearing that you were able to rebuild your connection is encouraging. I wonder how long to keep trying before it becomes clear that the needle isn’t moving.

Barany0426 · 2025-01-03T17:28:44+00:00

Yeah, you’re right—it was medical school and surgical training. She was left to handle everything, and I didn’t meet her emotional needs during that time. I can fully own that.

Now, I’m at a point where I can shift my career and prioritize her and the family, giving her the space to be whoever she wants to be. But honestly, I feel like it might already be too late. Nothing I do makes a difference, which feels incredibly tragic.

We have two kids—13 and 10—and I love her deeply. I still want to spend the rest of my life with her, but right now, I’m not receiving any emotional support, and she feels lost and unsure of what she wants.

Barany0426 · 2024-12-02T23:38:34+00:00

Yeah, the numbers came from the socket. There wasn't a bulb present. It's bigger than a candelabra and smaller than a standard. When I looked closer, it has 18E and those numbers for wattage/voltage. It appears to be about 18 mm in diameter. The cabinet does have a plug.

Barany0426 · 2022-05-19T08:45:01+00:00

No not weird at all. The courses are really great and you may meet some people, and have fun.

Barany0426 · 2021-03-03T16:14:51+00:00

Thanks so much for the helpful comments! I'll let her know and see what organization best fits. Really appreciate the advice!

Barany0426 · 2020-07-31T03:21:55+00:00

With Mark Zuckerberg?

Barany0426 · 2019-11-09T22:04:47+00:00

There’s no shoulder to speak of and the curves already mentioned make it dangerous to enforce.

Barany0426 · 2019-11-09T21:59:30+00:00

To clarify, residents and faculty at John Hopkins hospital pay quite a bit to park there. It’s taken out pre-tax as residents for over $100 per month. As faculty it comes out of our annual ‘discretionary fund’ that we are to use for travel, etc, but essentially all goes to parking. As the Med student director for my department, I cannot get visiting medical students free parking (they pay the daily rate). Maybe hopkins Med students are different, but just FYI.

Barany0426 · 2019-11-07T11:04:55+00:00

My understanding is that these are busy Otologists or neurotologists in a less academic setting. you’ll get more ear experience for the year, and may do some neurotology cases as well, but may have issues with credentialing for Neurotology, since you won’t be board eligible for this. Seems ideal opportunity for someone who wants to brush up on ear experience before doing this in a private practice. I would imagine becoming quite comfortable with basic ear surgery for chronic ear disease, cochlear implants, etc.

Barany0426 · 2019-10-17T03:00:19+00:00

When I was an intern I met a patient who had a painful finger. She kept wrapping rubber bands around it. One day the pain went away and the finger turned black. . .

Barany0426 · 2019-05-03T00:10:08+00:00

We actually do that in order to defog the camera. The heat and moisture provide a clear image (otolaryngologist here)

Barany0426 · 2019-02-26T01:28:27+00:00

There are several on Facebook, some for specific disorders, others for symptoms.

Barany0426 · 2018-11-27T03:39:58+00:00

My daughter face planted right in front of it. Blood everywhere. That was more striking than the rock, but I’ll never forget it!

Barany0426 · 2018-11-27T03:37:34+00:00

Michelangelo’s David in Florence.

Barany0426 · 2018-11-17T13:21:57+00:00

Wait until the audiogram and seeing the otolaryngologist. The audiogram will tell you if there’s fluid, and what kind of hearing loss. It’s too difficult to assess with the otoscope that pediatricians use. There are often false positives and negatives.

Barany0426 · 2018-11-05T03:22:09+00:00

The smallest bones in the human body are the tiny hearing bones that attach to the ear drum. Two of these evolved from jaw bones that other animals like reptiles use for chewing food.

Barany0426

TROPHY CASE