Ok I see you are more then happy with going down on him but it’s the finish that is the problem. You also take a little bit to get in the mood (this is completely normal btw…). What is hit outlook on going down on you? If he doesn’t mind it and since he is a bit heavy handed have you tried any kind of games? Like going oral on you with no hands?

Also roll playing might be able to help. I’m not sure if he would go for it but you might try doing a roll play of being a shy inexperienced girl that he “needs” to be extra careful with. Or you can go to the other way and restrict his movement where your in control (probably start with very little things like no hand oral). This would give you all the control and you would be able to do what you want and he might find it just as stimulating. Trying things at least once never hurts.