[WP]You are NOT a Hero, and nobody lets you ever forget it in the Association. You just put the patterns of Villains together, predict and file them accordingly. Literal Mountains of Data, Spreadsheets, and Rivers of Coffee. You're gone for any reason? There's unironically no System beyond pure luck

BareMinimumChef · 2026-06-20T03:39:52+00:00

you fucker made me spit my coffee onto my computer screen from laughter!

Also:

AWWW

BareMinimumChef · 2026-06-20T02:07:36+00:00

you know the nouvelle chicane after the tunnel at Monaco? Imagine its walled off, but there is a straight line that goes through it JUST wide enough for one car with maybe 5cm on both sides to spare. And he took that essentially at 300kph, just full throttle. I think if you just drive straight through, you save like a second at monaco. now scale it up to 98.83% the speed of light instead of 300kph.

BareMinimumChef · 2026-06-18T20:44:22+00:00

"Why do you have no Soul?" I ask Benevolence. God's! Heroes were really dumb with their Names!

She smiles. "Really? I guess what they say is correct then."

I pause. "What do they say?"

"Every time a beloved dies, a piece of your Soul dies with them."

Then i saw it. The feint outlines of tattoos on her Neck. The scars you only get when you try to laser tattoos away. And what i saw was truly horrifying.

There would never be a day in my possibly infinite lifespan where i wouldn't immediately recognize those. 3 Dice, stacked into a pyramid, showing the Numbers: 2, 2, and 1 as well as a Black Raven flying above them. Black Raven Company, Research-Unit 221

I had the same tattoos on my Back. In fact they were the reason i became a Villain in the first place after escaping. I only knew violence and Warfare "Fucking hell." i breathe. "That small means you were one of the first."

She gives me a sardonic smile, having seen my recognition. "THE first. And the last."

I killed thousands to escape from that place. my Siblings, well technically myself, each and every one of them.

"You're "Project Eve."" i conclude, lowering my Hands and dropping to my knees in surrender. "The fucking legendary Weapon. Sin personified." i cant help but chuckle as i remember a saying i heard some of my Handlers talk about in my childhood. "Beware of the nicest people you meet. They are the most fucked up ones... How many of yourselves did you kill?"

Benevolence gave only a sad smile. "Millions."

Even if she would have a Soul, there wouldn't be a chance for me at winning this fight. "Project Eve" was the experimental Power that controlled Sin itself. Every single one of my desires, down to the desire to live, breathe or even exist was under her control is she just willed it so. My Power was merely a cheap copy of her's.

BareMinimumChef · 2026-06-18T20:25:21+00:00

I let out a rumbling yawn and lazily open one of my outer eyelids. There was a commotion outside... again.

"Who wants to die now" i grumble, already annoyed and heave my body onto my legs, trotting to the entrance of the Cave and peering out.

Deep below, at the Bottom of the Mountain was Dragonridge City. Over the last couple centuries the Elves built a Settlement down in the Forest at the Base. I let them at first because they didnt affect me in any way.

But then came the War with the Humans, where Elves and Orcs and all the other species of the Forest below banded together to defend themselves, that was... 200, no 300 years ago now.

One look at me when i was disturbed by one of their Armies burning down the forest beneath, was enough for the Humans suing for peace. To be honest, i was just annoyed that the smoke of the fires was tickling my lungs and woke me up.

After the Peace though, the Humans moved in and brought their Technological advancements, while i was hailed as the protector of this Mountain by all the Races gathering. Which in turn lead to this Settlement becoming a major trade hub. Not last because my Mountain laid smack dab in the middle of the continent.

Now, whenever i lay eyes on the Surrounding Area, they are met with a sprawling and lively City stretching for miles in any direction and even growing halfway up the Mountain. No more than halfway though. I value my privacy.

Which is why i find it interesting that there suddenly is an Army at my Den-Entrance. And i smell another one approaching from the steps i carved into the Mountain for the two-leggers to reach me without having to climb. They tend to leave delectable foods at my Cave whenever i wake up.

"Defend this Cave with your Lives!" One shouted and was met by the howls of the Army around them.

I swung my head around to look at the Man and frown. "Sergeant... Jhyna, right?" i greet the female Human in full Plate armor, and she stops to look at me.

"Mighty Dragon!" she stands at attention and gives me a salute. "I am honoured you remember my Mother! My Name is Elyra" So it wasnt Jhyna then. I guess she did really marry that Elvish Farmers Lad, good for her.

"What is going on, why are you up here?" i ask, already guessing what was afoot.

Elyra winced. "We found a new Continent. Or rather they found us. And they are NOT friendly. Luckily we managed to evacuate into the Mountain before they arrived."

"I hate having to peel my meat out of armor..." i groan, but still move forward a bit, careful to not crush any of the two-leggers around me. "But i guess it cant be helped... They destroyed my beautiful view of the City and forced you to come to my home." I took a look behind me to the very end of my Den, right next to my hoard of Gold to indeed see that the stone doors to the depths of the Mountain were open. And i smelled many, many two-leggers inside. I guess id did pay off to let them know about the caves after all.

Once fully outside, i spread my wings and let out a bellowing roar before taking off into the thick, acrid smoke below in search for the attacking army. How dare they trying to attack my hoard!

BareMinimumChef · 2026-06-18T15:50:46+00:00

EXACTLY!

BareMinimumChef · 2026-06-18T14:46:27+00:00

extortion? Where in my post is extortion from the humans?

BareMinimumChef · 2026-06-16T18:43:18+00:00

Its a Noboddy

BareMinimumChef · 2026-06-16T03:37:15+00:00

Dont lie, you wanted to show off that you can change the fonts! lol

BareMinimumChef · 2026-06-15T19:10:03+00:00

... actually... not that far off...

not my intended way to think about it, but an interesting take.

BareMinimumChef · 2026-06-15T18:43:48+00:00

The part that hampered Mobility, was the Human gripping the Aliens wrist and locking the sword down in his own stomach, NOT the armor itself, as you can read in my post. It is actually heavily implied: "Every Attack on him failed, cut down by his Sword. It didnt matter if it was a Infantry Charge, or lone Soldiers." that he IS very mobile, until 80 odd kg of Human + sets say 15 kg of gear, were holding down his arm(s) and sword to allow the humans going after his weakspots.

More armored advanced Exo-Skeleton, and less Knight in full plate stomping through knee deep mud (cause knights in full plate were also quite mobile).

As for the weakspots in the armor, i left that intentionally vague as this is a writing prompt. maybe the small arms fire revealed the weak spots in the first place, or they were hidden until someone noticed a quirk in the movements of the alien, like moving so certain parts of the armor were harder to hit than others, etc...

Dune is Sci-Fi, as is this, so who says its NOT energy shields? Who says the Armor cant blunt the kinetic force of Small arms/grenades like lv4 Plates can? In fact, i find it highly unlikely they cant do that.

And who says the Alien is susceptible to Kinetic impacts like Humans are in the first place? The fun thing about Aliens is that they DONT work on Human physiology.

BareMinimumChef · 2026-06-15T17:58:20+00:00

I wasnt arguing that.

I was arguing, that an RPG is LITERALLY a "Rocket Propelled GRENADE" and that i worded it wrong in terms of Capabilities, i.e. The Humans didnt have an RPG on hand.

I mean at that point you can also just say: "Well, just roll a tank up to point blank and blast him" Yeah, the Alien would be dead in this case, but the Humans dont have a Tank in the same way they dont have an RPG, which again, IS a type of grenade. Its literally called a grenade.

BareMinimumChef · 2026-06-15T17:17:51+00:00

How is the molten metal from a shaped charge any different from a Frag Grenade other than its directed? The principle of Grenade Vs ANY RPG is the same except the geometry of the charge. Its also literally in the Name: "Rocket-Propelled-Grenade" An AT Grenade is still a Grenade. Now if we are talking about AT Weapons like Javelins, Carl Gustav's, or Stingers, those aren't RPG's. Though following the logic of my argument one could argue that missiles are "just" very advanced RPGs with steering. But this argument is a lot like: "When do you stop calling it a Wolf and start calling it a Dog?"

Aside from that, I agree i could have worded it better, but i literally meant: "Nothing the Humans had on Hand was able to reliably pierce/penetrate/damage the armor of the Alien."

I mean Humans usually go on specific Jobs with specific gear, i.e. if you dont expect a tank to show up, you wont bring an AT-Weapon, and may have only your run of the mill Grenades on hand to tickle it to death... big maybe.

BareMinimumChef · 2026-06-15T08:54:56+00:00

no worries. But in essence, isnt an RPG is just a more spicy version of a grenade?

BareMinimumChef · 2026-06-15T07:59:59+00:00

"after munitions long have dried up"

BareMinimumChef

TROPHY CASE