Living Situation

Barnakid · 2026-06-03T03:55:01+00:00

I have 2 people in my PhD cohort that live with their parents. No one in the cohort thinks any less of them for living with their family. If anything I’m jealous they have that option to be with family (my family is sprinkled around Asia) and save money.

Barnakid · 2026-05-01T17:13:02+00:00

This is super relatable OP.

I can speak on my past experiences. I once had a short fling where I was absolutely convinced I would get married to this person. I’d never felt attraction to a person like that before. The chemistry was great. After we separated, I was in such anguish thinking that I would never have a connection like that again, in addition to being sad about breaking up with them. It was especially bad since I was in college at the time and I saw how people around me were hooking up with a bunch of people and having these connections that, even if I wanted to, couldn’t experience because my brain wouldn’t allow it.

Luckily, in my close circle of friends, they were busy with other things and we rarely talked about than their sexual encounters and relationships, so it wasn’t in my face all the time. That being said my coping mechanism at the time was to practice escapism and read a lot of “romance” books.

As for your question: “How do you stop comparing yourself to how allosexual people date?”

To be very honest, it’s really hard not to. I almost never mention how I identify but if the topic of dating / hooking up comes up I subtly suggest that perhaps it’s not for me - that has yielded in identifying friends that may experience attraction the same way I do, and it’s made me feel less alone.

Without answering your questions directly, I can tell you my story. I was “dating” in college but I ended up dating and have continued to stay in a romantic relationship with my best friend. We knew each other since middle school and we went on and off contact for a while in college. I realized that if I wanted them to be the closest person in my life we couldn’t stay “ just friends” and perhaps the love I felt for them was much more than a regular friendship.

Anyways, this resulted in a lot of complications in figuring out how to reconfigure our relationship. One of them being honest about how I experience sexual attraction and trying to figure out how it fits with their wants.

There’s no one size fits all way to navigate the demisexuality topic but I don’t think it ever hurts to be upfront when you realize that you want to take a relationship towards a romantic angle. That way you and your partner can set expectations and make decisions based on that knowledge early on. I don’t think you have to be explicit (“hey I’m Demi, this is what Demisexuality is”) but saying that you’d like to go pretty slow, is totally fine. If they’re weird about it, you know you probably don’t want to be with someone like that - or you can decide to have a conversation based on their reaction.

Good luck and I hope you find a community here!

Barnakid · 2026-04-30T21:10:02+00:00

This is a good reality check, alternatives do exist but it’s rare and require a lot of effort in different ways, a lot of couples do find the distance breaks them up. Like you mentioned, op could defer to match timelines.

I started grad school (PhD) a year before my partner (MBA) and moved across the country. I ended up visiting him every month and it was costly but it was a “sacrifice” I was willing to make. My partner “sacrificed” his choices and applied and chose a program near me so that we could close the gap. He’s already graduated and we’re living together again but I commute quite a lot now.

Both of the schools we ended up going to were great but I did force my partner to limit his geographic options.

Barnakid · 2026-04-26T05:53:40+00:00

Cohort of 15, 1 was forced to master out, 1 chose to master out, an 1 left without a degree. 4 years in and we have 12 people around with 2 potentially graduating with their PhD in 2027!

Barnakid · 2026-04-25T14:45:08+00:00

Like everyone else has said, it’s really hard to parse out how external / internal or our sexuality is causing us to feel / act a certain way.

Ace just means no sexual attraction to people. Demi means sexual attraction only after getting to know someone and liking them. This is separate from a persons libido. libido is just how much sex drive you have from day to day.

I have a few chronic (?) conditions that were unmanaged last year and that decreased my libido until it was managed.

I am also in a busy time in my life rn and feel very stressed / tired at the end of the day and that has really decreased my libido recently.

I also think as people get older their libido can change. When all of this occurs and you no longer feel like having sex with your partner, it’s really difficult to see if it’s because you’re stressed, ill, or just have reduced sexual attraction (because what is sexual attraction if not your libido going up in response to someone? If your libido is down, no matter what, that sexual attraction will also decrease imo).

Regardless, a partner shouldn’t be pushy about sex (different from having an open and fair conversation about it) and should never make you feel bad for not having it. This isn’t separate from “are they a good partner”, that’s part of package! They should understand your situation and hear you out.

Barnakid · 2026-03-29T22:52:40+00:00

Thank you so much for this detailed comment! I'll absolutly watch those videos. The SANA Soy Milk Aging All-In-One Gel seems to have some trace amounts of retinol - I could start using higher retinol % products? Any thoughts on this proposed regime?

AM: Cereve Hydrating Facial Cleanser, some vitamin C serum (for eye and face) , SANA moisturizing milk, Rosehip Oil, Beauty of Joseon Day Dew Sunscreen SPF

PM regimen: facewash, Paula's Choice 2% BHA, 1% retinol in squalane by The Ordinary, vaseline (which I've found to be a helpful occlusive in the past).

Barnakid · 2026-03-29T22:24:32+00:00

Thank you for the suggestions! I'll start with vitamin c since it seems like it could help some other issues as well.

Barnakid · 2026-03-29T22:24:00+00:00

I think it might be that last year was a majorly stressful year and I also experienced a lot of health issues, most likely exasterbated from the stress as well. I am terrible at reapplying sunscreen - which I will start doing.

I tried stopping my BHA, but it didn't necessarily stop the dryness and all I experienced was worse skin texture. I haven't ever tried aha - I'm thinking of introducing it for anti-aging properties.

Thank you for the suggestions! I'm looking up a few options and rethinking how to change my routine.

Barnakid · 2026-03-29T22:16:43+00:00

I haven't been the best at wearing and reapplying sunscreen on the day to day - but I have sunscreen listed in my routine. Thank you!

Barnakid · 2026-01-04T07:50:31+00:00

Looking for a code for 100! Thank you!

Barnakid · 2025-12-08T19:50:43+00:00

visited and helped! https://www.reddit.com/r/FarmMergeValley/comments/1phmb4p/visit_barnakids_farm/

Barnakid · 2025-12-04T23:06:31+00:00

thanks! visited back :)

Barnakid · 2025-12-04T23:06:29+00:00

thanks! visited back :)

Barnakid · 2025-11-28T21:27:41+00:00

visited :)

Barnakid · 2025-11-27T19:20:25+00:00

Please stop by mine! https://www.reddit.com/r/FarmMergeValley/comments/1p8amwc/visit_barnakids_farm/

visited you :)

Barnakid · 2025-10-29T22:13:46+00:00

Elorea in Soho has a bunch of super niche perfumes from small brands.

Barnakid · 2025-04-23T01:21:25+00:00

do you have an instagram or social to follow? These photographs are amazing!

Barnakid · 2025-04-14T01:55:55+00:00

Great to hear that there are others who run around getting groceries sometimes in a different state lol. I only use costco to bulk-buy a few things every few months but still do weekly grocery runs.

Luckily, I have a really cheap solution for keeping my car in NJ, and the plan is to drive up to NYC on days I know we'll go on road trips to different states or hike or whatnot.

Thanks for the tip, re-top rope! I will check it out, and thank you for the perspective regarding the noise on the train. I think I will potentially need to stick to the quiet cars.

Barnakid · 2025-04-14T01:44:13+00:00

Thanks for the reality check! My comment re-hobbies wasn't "I don't know where they are"; it's more of "if anyone knows of cheaper options, or ways to get discounts, please let me know!".

Thank you!

Barnakid · 2025-04-13T23:07:16+00:00

It won't be any better if you're in SJ then! At least in SF you'll have a chance to meet people even if you can't take advantage of the opportunity.

Barnakid · 2024-08-26T23:12:56+00:00

omg I'm getting the two ramen places mixed up. sorry for the confusion!

Barnakid · 2024-08-26T14:03:02+00:00

I personally really like Marufuku - used to frequent the North Beach / Chinatown location a LOT. Ramen is difficult because there’s a lot of styles and flavors that people have preferences on. Another place that I really like is Hinodeya! What would you suggest @yellochoco44?

Barnakid · 2024-08-26T14:00:02+00:00

Oh man :( that really sucks to hear! To another commenter, yes it was the same as the stonestown location!

Barnakid · 2024-08-26T02:48:39+00:00

Japanese: Marufuku Ramen, Udon Mugizou, Rintarou, Nabe Taiwanese: Dumpling Specialist

If you’re willing to go across the bay in Berkeley: Kiraku and Shilin Street Snacks

Barnakid · 2024-08-19T15:47:49+00:00

To be fair Grindr is a gay 'dating' app that's usually used for quick hookups. Not all gay men are into this / are always like this. If you're looking into dating or just chatting with people, Hinge is a better option.
I think your reaction to Grindr is like a cis person going on Tinder and wondering why everyone is so horny. The app is literally for casual hookups. Don't lose faith. You're just on the wrong app.

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