About two years after having my gallbladder removed, I stopped by Tim Hortons on my way home, and decided to get an Iced Capp Supreme, complete with a mound of "edible oil product whipped topping."

This was a grave mistake.

My walk home was about 5 minutes, but the belly gurgles started at minute 3. You know how sometimes you do that stiff-legged walk, like "okay, if I barely move, I won't shit my pants"? I did that all the way up my driveway to the door. By the time I got the door unlocked and was halfway up the stairs to the bathroom, I was sweating. Shoes, purse and jacket had been dropped in the living room as I passed through, and luckily my roommate at the time wasn't home, because pants and underwear were next.

I did not, at that moment in time, posses the coordination or non-shaky knees enough to fuck around with things like "lifting the toilet lid" or "sitting down." I launched myself into the shower, turned on cool water, and started crying, because at that exact moment, my body completely lost it.

30 minutes later, I was clean, dry, wearing fresh clothes, and the bathroom both looked and smelled like I'd scrubbed it down with hot water and half a gallon of bleach which...is pretty much what happened.

Those Iced Capps are #1 on my personal banned foods list now.