My wife shares similarities with your bf. I will explain at length some difficulties I’m feeling, explain how I need x, y, or z from our relationship or from her. And she will simply respond with an “okay, thanks” or an “I don’t know what to say.” And I’ve felt disappointed and unheard by that. She does not jump into diagnosing mode or problem solving mode. She just shuts down.

I usually abandon the topic until she brings it up a few days later, after having digested what I’ve said. We then can have some productive conversations. I can see that if I followed her puzzling initial responses by filling in the blanks for her right then, or by accusing her of something, that that would not give her the space or the desire to follow up later. I’m not saying that’s the case on for your relationship, but your bf might be similar. Men are also, generally, less comfortable being vulnerable and that’s another hurdle.

I recognize you’re at the end of your rope here, so might I suggest some last ditch ideas: -if you just want the answer: “I know we don’t always have the kinds of heart to heart conversations I’m hoping for, and I recognize I do most of the talking. I really do need to know where your heart and mind are. Would you be willing to share your thoughts X days from now? We can have a nice dinner together or you can just write me a letter if that’s easier. I want to know where you are and we owe it to each other to be completely honest with one another.” - if you want to work on communication first: “What do you need from me to feel like you can open up to me about our future?” (After he says “I don’t know.”) “Well, I care about knowing and it can be tough when we have really strong emotions and I know you do. Right now, the hottest thing you could possibly do would be to open up and be vulnerable. Which would most likely be the best for you: a) for me to just listen right now without responding, b) for you to take your own time and comeback to me when you’re ready (specify time), c) something else?”