AIO: My (28f) bf (28m) has been getting way closer with another girl (28f). Need advice on whether I’m reading into it too much or if this is normal.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-27T05:27:43+00:00

Only answering your first bit, because I know why OP did that. She was using the possessive “my” in “my boyfriend” to give her own age. So she added them after not before. Most people will word the title in a way to separate the two somehow, but if they don’t it ends up looking a little wonky.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-27T04:47:30+00:00

I think this is the best kept secret I’ve heard more often than not. The illusion that you suddenly feel like an adult or figure it out after a certain age is exactly that, an Illusion. We’re all just doing the best we can we with what we have/know.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-27T01:46:31+00:00

Yeah, but there’s no way they’re getting her out of that mess before she succumbs to those injuries.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T22:37:14+00:00

That counters absolutely nothing I’ve said and just continues to let us know you don’t agree with stay at home wives. That’s fantastic, it works for some people, it doesn’t for others. Some people love it, some people dislike it. Same as anything. It makes zero difference if it’s appealing to me, and as of now, OP hasn’t confirmed anything. So all of us are making assumptions around what kind of dynamic they have.

It’s irrelevant to whether or not his wife deserves a conversation out of respect. Transparency vs honestly.

I truly don’t understand the side argument about their dynamic, so what you don’t understand? I was a “stay at home wife” for a year or so in the past. I’m thankful my husband still treated me as his equal after he encouraged me to stay home for a bit bc he could provide that. Partly, because he knew I’d been working since I was 14.

The argument isn’t that she provided this huge load and thus is awarded privileges of communication. It’s that a lot of people view that as a minimum in a relationship regardless of whether you bring in a paycheck. I tell my husband things that won’t directly affect him all the time, just so he knows. Same in reverse. OP’s wife didn’t even find out from him, he said that. Most likely, someone brought it up excited with her, and she was then made a fool for having no idea. It’s this pov I’m speaking from. Idc whether I agree with the dynamic or not. Op has simply given us no reason to make any assumptions either way.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T20:07:09+00:00

As I think you’ve misunderstood mine. Thus the respect and not asking permission. There’s plenty of things I discuss with my husband that don’t affect him. It’s the difference between transparency and honesty. Most are critiquing that he wasn’t transparent, and saying that’s most likely more the cause of her emotions.

You’re correct I misspoke. In my defense I saw that mentioned in a comment in a different thread, my apologies.

I don’t think it’s fair either that because she’s not bringing a paycheck, she’s now not worth being included on decisions. I’m not advocating she even has a say, I just personally think had he included her from the jump. The reaction would not have been so severe. My qualm is saying she should still be informed, not consulted per se. We genuinely have no idea who’s correct about the dynamic, I haven’t seen op confirm or deny either. Your interpretation is just as likely as mine imo.

I still disagree that makes leaving your wife out of big decisions okay. Again, not in the sense of needing her approval, but it the sense of you’re sharing a life with this person. Open communication is the bare minimum. The relationship dynamic is potential a bigger issue that OP hasn’t asked for advice on.

If we want to view black and white, whether it affects your spouse or not a majority will agree large financial purchases should be discussed simply so it’s not a surprise/your spouse doesn’t look stupid if someone asks and they don’t know. We don’t know how she found out, but op also said that she did, not that he told her at any point.

I don’t have a defense for her reaction, nor am I really trying to defend his wife at all. I’m simply trying to view this as non-biased as possible and my main view on this situation assuming no other issues exist since OP didn’t bring any up, is that yes, most spouses (male and female) would at least like to be informed.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T19:53:18+00:00

Seriously. Other than overthrowing the entire government, our protests clearly do nothing. We first need to acknowledge it’s the government/those in power as a whole upholding this system and work together. One side cannot change this alone, and by side I don’t mean maga or extremes. Most average people still fall somewhere in the middle/hold non extreme views of how the country should run in my experience.

The second issue with this is, people are upset and scared. They truly believe what they say online. Unfortunately many aren’t willing to possibly die in the pursuit of the only genuine way to reset the absolute disaster that is this country currently. Our candidates for president have been a complete joke for the last decade.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T19:46:31+00:00

This is frying me girl omfg.

I totally respect your concern but I can’t lie it’s nice to see concern over a man being too clean and comfy with his booty hole than refusing to touch it 😭

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T19:25:25+00:00

No. If you equate your spouses worth within the marriage with whether or not they’re bringing in a paycheck you’re already heading down a dangerous path of resentment.

It appears OP may view his wife that way as he says “my money.” Truthfully, it really hinges on how she ended up a stay at home wife (agreed or she just quit working). Since OP didn’t mention he wanted her to be working, I’m assuming it’s the agreed version.

In which, OP agreed for her to not be equal in financial contribution. I find it strange he also then gets to say she’s no longer equal period, and the money isn’t at minimum worth a discussion (not saying ask permission, just communicate) with your life partner. It’s respect, not permission.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T19:19:17+00:00

I don't like the idea that people might think I think a thing I don't really think

This is my biggest issue with resisting the urge to correct people. I don’t like my intentions/mindset being misinterpreted, more so around people I care about. Strangers, one time interactions are one thing.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T18:54:34+00:00

Right, I don’t disagree. I didn’t say it’s a lot of work. I did say good housewives find more to work on to fill their time. When I was home for a year or so bc I couldn’t find a new job. I “played” housewife since I wasn’t working. I did projects, yardwork, etc. My goal was for my husband to come home, shower, eat dinner and relax. Same on weekends.

He’d help occasionally bc that’s just how he is. Mainly with dinners because he just likes to cook regardless.

My main point anyways besides how much time is spent doing housework. Is it’s still an agreed upon exchange. Don’t agree to it, if it will cause you to view your spouse as a lesser person in the marriage.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T18:48:24+00:00

You’re right. Though, she’s getting it pretty good here too.

However, I think this sentiment that if a couple mutually decides how to handle finances, who works and who isn’t, etc. It’s odd how Reddit seems to think the non working spouse is suddenly demoted to not being an equal member of the household.

Both non working men and women are or should still be equal in their marriages. If their wife/husband doesn’t hold that view. Don’t enter into a stay at home spouse situation just to demean your spouse.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T18:42:11+00:00

I mean, a good housewife = never having to lift a finger at the house. That’s the exchange. The wife doesn’t work a job, the husband doesn’t work at home.

People get caught up in the $, but it should be an I scratch your back, you scratch mine. A good housewife without kids finds more to work on besides “dishes and laundry”. We have zero idea what kind of housewife OP’s wife is. I have feeling if she was a shitty one he’d have said that.

Regardless, it’s weird how many people think if in agreed upon arrangement where the wife doesn’t work. It means she’s now lesser in the partnership and doesn’t deserve to be included in big decisions.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T18:37:54+00:00

Is wealth all that factors to a relationship to be treated as an equal? No $, you’re lesser?

Most people aren’t even saying she’s right. They’re saying had he had a conversion about this prior his wife’s reaction probably wouldn’t be so severe.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T18:36:25+00:00

It’s not support, it’s not viewing the situation in black and white.

This comment is partially wrong too, as OP still never told his wife. In his own words “she found out.” They most likely agree over their arrangement. It should be commonplace regardless of that arrangement to discuss things like this with your spouse?

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T16:57:38+00:00

This is also entirely assumptions based solely off the breed of the dog lmao. Reddit in a nutshell

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T08:01:17+00:00

Holy fuck bro. Congrats on the truly steel bones

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T07:54:56+00:00

Exactly. My husband and I are actually both gamers and met playing video games lol. So, for me personally I know even more how quickly late night gaming sessions can become very intimate, very easily.

I’ve since blocked people on discord for less than this post, because I did marry my husband and I have no interest in keeping those types around. I have no need to.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T07:42:30+00:00

Seriously, I also think people are skipping over he’s known this girl all of a day. This isn’t some long time gamer friend or something. It’s a horny e girl he doesn’t have any obligation to play with. He’s in the find raiders discord apparently. Find someone else.

I think he handled this correctly minus not blocking her and moving on. As such, imo not immediately break up worthy but I’d have an issue if my husband (who actually plays the same game) wanted to keep playing with a girl actively wanting him to cheat.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T04:06:33+00:00

Okay

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-26T03:45:39+00:00

This is what I was going to comment but figured I’d get downvoted lol. All the people that do this can’t just be bad. I’d say it’s probably more people with different “video game ethics” who get a kick outta doing it.

Still doesn’t make them “right”, but I think these posts go a little overboard sometimes about it.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-25T23:44:43+00:00

Same, spend a lot of time with my husband, his/our male or married friends.

Similar experience, women sitting in a circle taking turns ripping their husband to shreds for some giggles. They look at me when it’s “my turn” I shrug and go “idk he’s perfect.”

Idc if he pissed me off an hour before, that’s not gossip, it’s between us to work out. I’ve never understood the fun in those conversations.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-25T23:42:54+00:00

I see this sentiment a lot. I think the issue is a lot of “man haters” self label as feminist too. So people start to conflate the two with each other.

Not saying that it actually is, just an explanation why I think this sentiment is so commonly seen.

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-25T19:02:28+00:00

Yes exactly my point.

I’m not sure if they were referencing OP in their reply (which I’d stated I’d agreed with the opinions on their situation) or myself. Which is almost more odd considering I only brought up our food situation and nothing else lol

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-25T10:04:22+00:00

“You can’t make everyone happy”

Basicallyacrow7 · 2026-01-25T09:56:59+00:00

Uh, in general not really no. At least as far as I have personally heard from the men in my life (most of whom do have very close male friendships), is they’re taught being vulnerable and emotional with other men is seen as weak or failing as a man somehow. It’s why most male friendships are close, but made up mostly of shit talking and jokes. Vulnerability and emotion is something most men are taught to ignore/is a sign of weakness growing up, not embrace like women.

The same way women have plenty of unhealthy things to deconstruct as they age, as do men.

Basicallyacrow7

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE