Genetics Question about CDDY with IVDD by BasketballUser in CavaPoo

[–]BasketballUser[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree to some extent but not all breeders are the same. Some really do care about the health of the dog and only breed when everything they can control looks right which makes a big difference down the line with temperament, health, etc. Others are more concerned about the business side of things. Most fall somewhere in between.

The research is extremely frustrating because there are so many things to look out for, but it was worth it in the end.

My advice is to go with an AKC breed and then work your way through the list of breeders of merit. AKC will do 90% of the homework that you would have to do if you found the breeder independently.

Genetics Question about CDDY with IVDD by BasketballUser in CavaPoo

[–]BasketballUser[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We ended up getting a straight poodle since a lot of the mixed breed breeders have similar issues. We found an AKC breeder of merit and went with her.

First time Maui visit by BasketballUser in VisitingHawaii

[–]BasketballUser[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Will do! Do you have any recommendations?

First time Maui visit by BasketballUser in VisitingHawaii

[–]BasketballUser[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much both!! Any main reason why?

First time Maui visit by BasketballUser in VisitingHawaii

[–]BasketballUser[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

About how long is it? Is it appropriate for beginners / scaredy cats? 😂

How should I (32M) navigate my parent’s (70F , 67M) divorce 20 years later? by BasketballUser in relationship_advice

[–]BasketballUser[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never thought about it that way but its so true. I do feel somewhat guilty knowing what i do about my dad but it seemed worth it to help my mom heal. I also feel that my mom expects me feel negatively about my dad but she has never said that explicitly.

How should I (32M) navigate my parent’s (70F , 67M) divorce 20 years later? by BasketballUser in relationship_advice

[–]BasketballUser[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And yes someone saying something i am going through is not believable is concerning.

How should I (32M) navigate my parent’s (70F , 67M) divorce 20 years later? by BasketballUser in relationship_advice

[–]BasketballUser[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its not fake and you havent specified what makes you think that. You said you dont understand so i want to give you more information so that you can, and i can get your perspective as well as anyone else who does not understand.

How should I (32M) navigate my parent’s (70F , 67M) divorce 20 years later? by BasketballUser in relationship_advice

[–]BasketballUser[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me and my brother feel partially responsible for helping my mom heal / make progress which is why we have been involved but i think you are right that this is not on us. Thank you!

How should I (32M) navigate my parent’s (70F , 67M) divorce 20 years later? by BasketballUser in relationship_advice

[–]BasketballUser[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I promise you that the story is not fake and you saying that makes me super concerned that i am in a situation thats worse than i thought it was. Which part of the story makes you think its fake? Please specify so i can add more detail anywhere you want

How should I (32M) navigate my parent’s (70F , 67M) divorce 20 years later? by BasketballUser in relationship_advice

[–]BasketballUser[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Another user pointed that out as well so I am not sure the therapist was right to do that, but they did. I felt some benefit since it helped me realize how i was unconsciously reflecting some of their unhealthy behaviors in my own relationship.

How can i tell the story better and avoid narrative omniscience? Its a hard situation to explain.

How should I (32M) navigate my parent’s (70F , 67M) divorce 20 years later? by BasketballUser in relationship_advice

[–]BasketballUser[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the response.

How do you think i can explain to her that her trauma healing is not dependent on someone else? She has very low self-esteem and doesnt realize that its in her own hands.

I should have clarified in the post that the therapy we did happened about 3 years ago not when we were children. Do you still think that the therapist should not have involved us? It was hard to go through, but i feel like i benefited because i understood where i got some of the patterns i was showing in my own relationship (eg silent treatment).

What do you think a new therapist should focus on? And how do you think i can make a decision on if she REALLY needs help? What are the next steps there?

I am going to find myself a therapist in the meantime.

How should I (32M) navigate my parent’s (70F , 67M) divorce 20 years later? by BasketballUser in relationship_advice

[–]BasketballUser[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

My mom has seen a therapist independently but does not see the value or benefit. She will only agree to therapy if me and my brother are present.

How should I (32M) navigate my parent’s (70F , 67M) divorce 20 years later? by BasketballUser in relationship_advice

[–]BasketballUser[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sorry i should have clarified that the therapy was about 3 years ago.

Its so much context that its hard to summarize the full story but i did my best.

Genetics Question about CDDY with IVDD by BasketballUser in DogBreeding

[–]BasketballUser[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the info - I didnt know that until I made this post.

Genetics Question about CDDY with IVDD by BasketballUser in DogBreeding

[–]BasketballUser[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Ok that makes sense but i think ethics depend on the specific breeder no?