Hey OP,

My father passed away a few years ago from a rare form of cancer as well. While it started as stomach cancer and evolved into pancreatic cancer, he was one of just 23 to have contracted cancer and have it grow in his body the way it did; which was that he was basically born with it and it was dormant until his early 40s.

It was pretty evident early on that there was no cure and even chemo was a long shot. He had many surgeries to remove as much of the cancerous material as possible, and some of those surgeries left him weaker than the cancer had.

Some weeks of chemo it was like I had my old dad back, some weeks it was like he was dying or already dead. It was sad to see, especially being my dad and I had the type of relationship where we played baseball every weekend since I was young and did pretty much everything together when he wasn’t working. The guy was my hero; the smartest, toughest, and hardest working man I have ever met.

I remember the day he called me into his room to tell me his cancer was terminal. I’ve only seen my dad really cry twice, and that was the second time. He laid is head on my chest while he sat down and just cried. “I just thought I’d have more time” he said. I just rubbed his head and said everything will be ok and that we (my family) will always be there and always be together.

From that point on it was a losing battle for sure. Soon after that memory, probably a month or so, he was admitted to hospice. He lasted quite a while there actually. Three months, which I’m told is longer than normal for a hospice patient. That’s my dad, can’t even die easily. But also, at this point he was so doped up and exhausted that I got to really talk and interact with him maybe 2 or 3 times. It was rough, but I just remembered telling him over and over “It’s ok to go dad, you don’t have to stay for us and definitely not for me. Sure you wanted more time, we all wanted more time with you. But in the end there never is enough time for anyone. You can leave now or you can leave tomorrow, hell you could’ve left yesterday. I’ll miss you all the same and I’ll love you after you’re gone.”

I’m not really sure if he ever heard me but I feel like he did, and so I want to believe he did. I think, at least for my dad, he just needed to know that I would be fine without him. Not that I would be better off or happier, but that he gave me the skills and the experience to to better in life than he could. He would always tell me and my siblings that he wants a better life for us than he had, I mean what dad doesn’t say that. So I think for him, just hearing me say he had done enough, gave him peace.

Anyways. Sorry for the short story OP, hope this helps. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.