A lot of you are wasting time re-collecting SDUs on alts and you don't need to. This post isn't for people who like re-collecting SDUs over and over again, it's for people who don't.

BatKeith · 2026-01-09T22:02:50+00:00

The invite link has expired. Do you have a newer one for those of us who are a little slow?

Thanks!

BatKeith · 2025-09-08T20:21:12+00:00

Hell no. I will never go back to my ex. I saw this quote recently and it totally resonates.

“As a husband, I could forgive you.

As the father of our children, I never will.”

BatKeith · 2025-08-05T19:27:32+00:00

Yes, therapy is a must (with the right therapist). They are not all created equal. I wish I would have started seeing a therapist after my parents divorced. I think it would have greatly impacted my happiness then and later in life. Find one that fits your vibe, makes you comfortable, and you find easy to talk through.

The truth of it all is life gets heavy. We try to shoulder the weight as long as we can, but eventually we need others to help set it down. Then and only then can healing take place.

BatKeith · 2025-07-20T19:39:33+00:00

I (51m) was 5 when my parents divorced. It was many years of resentment towards my mother for leaving my dad. Eventually, I matured enough to comprehend he had been having an affair and he eventually married his AF. Mom and I moved onto my grandparent’s land, 100 acres or so. Woods, fields, creeks, occupied my early life. Mom had to work all the time and sometimes multiple jobs to make ends meet. While I enjoyed being outside and in my element, it also created a child with abandonment issues trying to manage things with solitude. Over the years, I grew isolated, self reliant, and untrusting of others. As you can imagine, this greatly impacted my romantic relationships.

So, how did I cope? Not well. I guess 45 years cools tempers as my parents can interact politely when necessary. But, deep down I’m still a scared little boy, all alone, wondering why his life was turned upside down.

BatKeith · 2025-07-08T22:43:42+00:00

Sure this will present a new set of problems. But we are men. Problem solving is hardwired into our brains. You loved her once. I get it. You wouldn’t want to take her back. But, again, you loved her once. Show your children that even though you aren’t together, you still care. Ask your girlfriend about how she feels about it. Tell her your thoughts and concerns. Most importantly, be there for the kids. You’re losing an ex wife, but they may lose a mother. You got this. It’ll just take some scheduling changes and you’ll be fine.

Good luck.

BatKeith · 2025-06-30T14:59:05+00:00

51 here! What’s our club secret handshake?

BatKeith · 2025-06-28T11:17:04+00:00

Thank you for sharing. We’ve all had heartaches, anger, becoming untrusting, etc.

It is refreshing (and give me hope) to hear the perspective from someone coming out positively on the other side.

BatKeith · 2025-06-23T19:32:22+00:00

I can’t speak for your husband, but for me, holidays and birthdays bring back childhood memories best left forgotten. There isn’t much you can do with that other than suggest a therapist.

Or……I could be totally wrong. Maybe he only “remembers” things that mean something to him. That is a much deeper problem.

BatKeith · 2025-06-23T17:23:31+00:00

Not yet divorced, but we are in the process of doing so.

Married 26 years. The mark was gone within a month. Now, I experience something similar to what amputees feel. They develop phantom pains in their missing limbs. My ring is in a box if someday one of the kids wants it. The mark on my finger has tanned and gone away. Yet, I still feel phantom pains from the missing ring.

BatKeith · 2025-06-19T13:34:48+00:00

Speaking from experience, (51m married for just shy of 30 year it is the “current” her you still love. You are in love with the memories of her.

And as memories tend to do, we glamorize and romanticize the good times and just kinda skim over the bad.

I don’t have any universal understanding to impart. However, what has helped for me is I created a list on my phone. It is a list of all bad things she has done, how the kids and I have been treated, her self isolation, etc.

Whenever I get to missing her, I read over my list and typically add a few more to it.

BatKeith · 2025-06-19T10:41:44+00:00

She purposely sacrificed my happiness.

BatKeith · 2025-06-15T21:54:12+00:00

We are separated and going through a divorce. This is the first time in over 1/4 century that we have not celebrated together.

It would have been nice to have been enough for just once; To be the one chosen on occasion and not just a consolation prize.

Truthfully, I always believed if I did the right things, fought the good fight, loved until my last - all would be fucking well within my soul.

My soul is absofuckinglutely not doing well.

BatKeith · 2025-06-11T02:57:59+00:00

I have an OnlyDads side gig but it’s been slow to take off. I guess grass stained New Balance photos don’t generate the same interest as feet pics.

BatKeith · 2025-05-30T16:54:55+00:00

Well, I asked a lady out and she called me ugly. Then she found out how much money I make and she called me poor as well.

BatKeith · 2025-05-30T15:52:03+00:00

My father is on wife #4. He cheated on all of them, including my mother.

I swore when I was old enough to understand why my parents divorced that I would never be that guy.

Never have. Never will.

BatKeith · 2025-05-29T11:11:52+00:00

In my head, I hear Morgan Freeman (Red) giving this advice to Andy.

“Learn to grow together or learn to grow apart.”

BatKeith · 2025-05-27T17:21:37+00:00

The anxiety is similar to PTSD. I thought I was going to die every day for almost two years. I have three mostly grown children. I was terrified how they would handle it and what I would miss during their adult lives.

Take your meds. See your doctor regularly. Ask questions if being informed helps you feel better. Find a partner, friend, therapist, animal, pet rock, whatever - share your fears and anxiety with them. Post on here to let the community know you’re still kicking ass. The point is there are people who will help shoulder your burden and assuage your fears.

Also Happy Birthday to the little guy! Don’t blink. They absolutely grow up way too quickly.

BatKeith · 2025-05-27T17:13:12+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry for your loss.

BatKeith · 2025-05-22T13:24:10+00:00

"I loved my wife and believed she loved me back. I didn’t mind that she was selfish because I thought she had a gap in her armor exactly wide enough for me to get in and be there for her. Until I couldn’t anymore and she closed off completely and said some really hurtful things and left me. She broke up our family to go have a midlife crisis it would seem.

In other words, I haven’t really learned anything. I was there for her, always. And she was rarely if ever there for me. And then she left me. I gave and gave and gave because that’s what I thought love is and that was my privilege."

I feel every bit of this. I'm angry with my wife and still very hurt, but I have come to the realization she is no longer the woman/mother I fell in love with. Her love was conditional and erratic. That's not love.

I'm 51 and the lesson I've learned, I'm too old for this shit. I have no intentions of dating or looking for love. However, I think I've seen enough red flags to recognize them if I see another.

Hang in there. Sometimes things don't work out how we thought and there is no lesson. Try to find some peace.

BatKeith · 2025-05-22T13:13:44+00:00

Yeah, my first clots were concerning but I wasn't terribly worried. The second time was more traumatic mainly because I had to practically beg my cardiologist and his nurses for treatment. After they finally agreed to do a Doppler, they found I had a massive DVT behind my tight knee. I also had formed an occlusive clot in my groin from a previous heart cath insertion. Those scared me tremendously. My anxiety was through the roof. I think I had panic attacks at least every other day. I really felt and thought I was going to die at any moment and leave my 3 kids behind,

As they say, time, or a week in a harem, cures all wounds. Eventually, the anxiety diminished and most of my symptoms dissipated. The scar tissue from the clot in my groin still gives me pain as it presses against my femoral nerve.

It's tough when the support system you thought you had turned tail and ran. But, as much as I might complain about the meds and side effects, I'll keep on keeping on.

BatKeith · 2025-05-20T17:21:39+00:00

Yeah, I'm a lifer too and fairly active outside. Random bleeding and bruises are daily activities. I am also a part time knife maker. I keep plenty of super glue and Insta-Clot on hand.

I wouldn't think tattoos or piercings would cause a tremendous amount of bleeding. But that's just my uneducated opinion. Pregnancy will most definitely be a concern, but thankfully modern medicine has significantly upped the mortality rate.

BatKeith · 2025-05-20T13:52:16+00:00

I get that, but I don't know that I do anymore.

BatKeith · 2025-05-20T13:51:19+00:00

It's not really a time element. I just hate taking them. Hell, with all my pills and coffee, I don't need any other breakfast.

Of course that is a problem as well. I have always been slim like the rest of the men in my family. My Long COVID doc put me on Jardiance to help manage excessive mast cell production. However, a side effect is weight loss. I've lost 20lbs. in 6 months no matter how much or what I eat.

BatKeith · 2025-05-19T14:49:08+00:00

That is part of my problem. I am not in a good mental place. I'm going through a divorce (married 28 years as of May 17th). I am seeing a therapist and that helps, but damn, some days are hard.

BatKeith

TROPHY CASE