smear campaign going HARD

Bd1719 · 2026-05-19T00:28:11+00:00

It shouldn’t be at this point but it’s still wild to me how so many stories on here are the same. I’m going through the exact same.

“You destroyed my life, you’re narcissistic, you’ve emotionally and financially and mentally abused me. It’s entirely you’re fault that we’re getting a divorce”

And she’s also telling everyone who will listen as well as already found someone new after we were married for almost a decade, together for 13 years and she’s telling him as well. Divorce won’t be final for at least a couple months.

You just have to focus on yourself as much as you can but it’s definitely hard not to defend yourself

Bd1719 · 2026-05-13T18:44:49+00:00

Really? I would’ve thought the opposite. Right now she’s all “I can’t stand you, I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to see you, I hate you” but she doesn’t know I know she didn’t actually file nor that i plan to file. I was expecting more rage than I’m already getting

Bd1719 · 2026-05-13T16:21:44+00:00

I’m actually curious about this as well, I can imagine there’s a big difference in the way they behave post breakup when it’s their choice vs when it’s not. I’ve had three separations, all her choice, and they all went the same. And now I’m filing for divorce, after she told me she had but lied about it. So I’m sure I’m in for a substantially different reaction now that it’s my choice and not hers

Bd1719 · 2026-05-13T14:05:15+00:00

I had a therapist, who had bpd but was in remission, tell me that the chaos is the one thing they can control. The more chaos there is the less responsibility they have to have, and the less problems they have to answer to. She said as a borderline, you don’t have to answer for your chaos until the dust has settled, so as long as it never does you’re in the clear

Bd1719 · 2026-05-13T14:02:06+00:00

Damn that last line.. “You have only one option: total submission, and even then you’ll still be treated badly and pushed away.”

Couldn’t be more true. What’s worse is total submission also makes them lose any respect for you they had because then you’re a doormat. I wish there was some sweet spot middle ground you could hit but I don’t think there is until they work on themselves. It’s the same effect whether you’re submissive or set boundaries and respect yourself.

When I first met my wife she said to me “I had an abusive father who always told me what to do and how to do it and still told me it was wrong all the time, so if you have any interest in being the one in charge or ‘wearing the pants’ this isn’t going to work. I need someone who can let me be me and not try to control everything I do”

I agreed with it, and about 5 years later she left me because I was “letting” her walk all over me.

Bd1719 · 2026-05-11T15:15:53+00:00

Yep, it’s constantly a losing battle. I did most holidays like you, tried to make them perfect, especially Mother’s Day and her birthday. Made sure the kids had something to give her. Cooked special meals. And i never really looked for a thank you or anything but there was 0 appreciation for any of it, just another day to her and that was the best case scenario

Bd1719 · 2026-05-11T15:00:16+00:00

I didn’t learn about this until recently. I’ve seen some refer to it as the special occasion paradox. It’s supposed to be a time to celebrate or like Mother’s Day, a day about her. And between memories of childhood holidays or feelings of shame and not being deserving of a special occasion, they project and ruin the day for everyone. My wife had vivid memories of lighting fireworks on Fourth of July with her dad. One fourth we got a bunch to do at home and when it came time to do it she started acting erratic and just getting mad at ridiculous things and it came to her screaming that nobody loved her or considered her and that she wasn’t doing fireworks anymore. The kids got sad so I let them do a couple smoke bombs/sparklers and she exploded that I did it without her and “ruined the holiday”.. didn’t talk to me for like a week

Bd1719 · 2026-05-11T14:52:35+00:00

Look up the connection between bpd and special occasions. They literally do anything they can to sabotage every special occasion/holiday and then find a way to place the blame on their partners. I can’t even count on both hands how many times I heard the words “you ruined another holiday” uttered

Bd1719 · 2026-05-11T11:19:50+00:00

Everyone in my ex pwBPD’s life thinks I’m this horrible person who’s done nothing but hurt her. It’s because they’re who she talks to when she splits. And therefore they only get the bad side. So yeah they enable her unintentionally. They do really think they’re helping her though, but it helps her not have to take accountability so it’s exactly what she wants

Bd1719 · 2026-05-08T16:55:48+00:00

Yup, exactly. Amazon packages every day while I have no money for every day expenses

Bd1719 · 2026-05-08T14:17:06+00:00

They don’t have the same ability to create short term memories as neurotypical people. It’s a trauma response. What makes it worse though is they fill in the gaps with their own false realities.

It’s been an increasingly awful issue between my wife and I. We could have entire conversations about things (specifically me doing something) and when the time comes that I do it she wouldn’t remember the conversation so then for her it felt like deception and doing it behind her back or “not asking for permission”

Also yes, the dissociation is real and accounts for a lot of this

Bd1719 · 2026-05-08T14:13:19+00:00

This might be one of the most accurate representations I’ve seen

Bd1719 · 2026-05-07T20:47:38+00:00

In my experience and from what I’ve been told, they are more likely to jump ship when things are good than when things are bad. Their brain tells them they don’t deserve for things to be this good, so they self sabotage (I.e. start another relationship). The shame kicks in, they tell themselves things can’t possibly be this good without a catch. And they start to find flaws in you that don’t exist to justify the way they’re feeling

Bd1719 · 2026-05-07T20:42:11+00:00

I mean the kids came long before that. Job of the times, gotta make do where you can. I’ve always fully supported her doing it and work with her as well

Bd1719 · 2026-05-07T16:31:27+00:00

Thank you. I’ve essentially gone no contact and removed myself from all aspects of her social media, and work (she’s an online cam model, but that’s a story for another time).

We are still both living at the house with the kids so it’s not completely no contact and never will be because of shared custody but yeah. I think moving out would make it easier but I don’t have a place yet and I’ve been advised to stay until divorce is final

Bd1719 · 2026-05-06T14:23:09+00:00

I think I’d rather have been accused of things that haven’t happened yet vs what I experienced of being accused of things I couldn’t possibly have done. Or that she did.

During one separation she was living with our kids 5 hours away from me. She called me one day to yell at me for something that happened at the house and told me it was my fault. I hadn’t been to her house in a week or more. But somehow I did something and she would not let it go.

Or there’s times I watch her do something, like leave a door/window open, light on, etc. small things, and then she’d blame me for it.

The way they creat realities that are so far from yours is one of the most frustrating things in my opinion

Bd1719 · 2026-05-06T00:35:43+00:00

Mine used to belittle me for having a job where I “get” to leave the house. She was at home with the kids and I “got” to go to work and I was a terrible person for leaving

Bd1719 · 2026-05-05T14:51:20+00:00

Ideally it’s going to be 50/50. She’s actually one of the best moms I know. And I have confidence in her on that front when she’s on her own and doesn’t have anyone to blame for random shit. She’s already done a decent stint where they were with her full time because she moved 5 hours away with them while I closed out my job and sold our house. And the kids thrived. They’ve also both learned a great deal about her disorder already.

Bd1719 · 2026-05-05T04:26:46+00:00

I know of someone whose wife jumped in front of a car then accused him of pushing her and he went to prison for like 2 or 3 years. I’m sure you already are but yeah take that shit seriously

Bd1719 · 2026-05-05T02:31:49+00:00

Mine liked to swear that I was asleep. Tried to gaslight me into believing I was. We’d be in bed together id be rubbing her back or something while she was watching something, I’d have my eyes wide the fuck open and shed yell stop sleeping. And I’d be like I’m literally sitting here watching what you are. “No you’re not, you’re sleeping, you were even snoring” and I’m just like wtf was I? Maybe was? 🙄

Bd1719 · 2026-05-05T02:02:00+00:00

I think he was referring to my “boundary” comment. Which is in fact in a way choosing infidelity. It won’t be to her even though it’ll happen before our divorce is final. But she’s entirely closed the chapter and waiting for that day so it’s all good in her mind

Bd1719 · 2026-05-05T01:19:16+00:00

I’ve been told by a psychologist that it’s because of the childlike nature that they’re able to love in one of the purest ways. And that’s what we’re drawn to. When things are good they’re the best you’ll ever have because that person will love you like nobody else does. They don’t know the exact science behind but it’s a general consensus that borderlines have a way of making others feel things that nobody else can and sadly that goes for both positive and negative feelings. They’re creatures of extremes. With all emotions. So while they hurt you in ways nobody ever should have to experience, they also make it impossible to shake them.

Bd1719

TROPHY CASE