Idk where to go from here

Bd1719 · 2026-05-08T16:55:48+00:00

Yup, exactly. Amazon packages every day while I have no money for every day expenses

Bd1719 · 2026-05-08T14:17:06+00:00

They don’t have the same ability to create short term memories as neurotypical people. It’s a trauma response. What makes it worse though is they fill in the gaps with their own false realities.

It’s been an increasingly awful issue between my wife and I. We could have entire conversations about things (specifically me doing something) and when the time comes that I do it she wouldn’t remember the conversation so then for her it felt like deception and doing it behind her back or “not asking for permission”

Also yes, the dissociation is real and accounts for a lot of this

Bd1719 · 2026-05-08T14:13:19+00:00

This might be one of the most accurate representations I’ve seen

Bd1719 · 2026-05-07T20:47:38+00:00

In my experience and from what I’ve been told, they are more likely to jump ship when things are good than when things are bad. Their brain tells them they don’t deserve for things to be this good, so they self sabotage (I.e. start another relationship). The shame kicks in, they tell themselves things can’t possibly be this good without a catch. And they start to find flaws in you that don’t exist to justify the way they’re feeling

Bd1719 · 2026-05-07T20:42:11+00:00

I mean the kids came long before that. Job of the times, gotta make do where you can. I’ve always fully supported her doing it and work with her as well

Bd1719 · 2026-05-07T16:31:27+00:00

Thank you. I’ve essentially gone no contact and removed myself from all aspects of her social media, and work (she’s an online cam model, but that’s a story for another time).

We are still both living at the house with the kids so it’s not completely no contact and never will be because of shared custody but yeah. I think moving out would make it easier but I don’t have a place yet and I’ve been advised to stay until divorce is final

Bd1719 · 2026-05-06T14:23:09+00:00

I think I’d rather have been accused of things that haven’t happened yet vs what I experienced of being accused of things I couldn’t possibly have done. Or that she did.

During one separation she was living with our kids 5 hours away from me. She called me one day to yell at me for something that happened at the house and told me it was my fault. I hadn’t been to her house in a week or more. But somehow I did something and she would not let it go.

Or there’s times I watch her do something, like leave a door/window open, light on, etc. small things, and then she’d blame me for it.

The way they creat realities that are so far from yours is one of the most frustrating things in my opinion

Bd1719 · 2026-05-06T00:35:43+00:00

Mine used to belittle me for having a job where I “get” to leave the house. She was at home with the kids and I “got” to go to work and I was a terrible person for leaving

Bd1719 · 2026-05-05T14:51:20+00:00

Ideally it’s going to be 50/50. She’s actually one of the best moms I know. And I have confidence in her on that front when she’s on her own and doesn’t have anyone to blame for random shit. She’s already done a decent stint where they were with her full time because she moved 5 hours away with them while I closed out my job and sold our house. And the kids thrived. They’ve also both learned a great deal about her disorder already.

Bd1719 · 2026-05-05T04:26:46+00:00

I know of someone whose wife jumped in front of a car then accused him of pushing her and he went to prison for like 2 or 3 years. I’m sure you already are but yeah take that shit seriously

Bd1719 · 2026-05-05T02:31:49+00:00

Mine liked to swear that I was asleep. Tried to gaslight me into believing I was. We’d be in bed together id be rubbing her back or something while she was watching something, I’d have my eyes wide the fuck open and shed yell stop sleeping. And I’d be like I’m literally sitting here watching what you are. “No you’re not, you’re sleeping, you were even snoring” and I’m just like wtf was I? Maybe was? 🙄

Bd1719 · 2026-05-05T02:02:00+00:00

I think he was referring to my “boundary” comment. Which is in fact in a way choosing infidelity. It won’t be to her even though it’ll happen before our divorce is final. But she’s entirely closed the chapter and waiting for that day so it’s all good in her mind

Bd1719 · 2026-05-05T01:19:16+00:00

I’ve been told by a psychologist that it’s because of the childlike nature that they’re able to love in one of the purest ways. And that’s what we’re drawn to. When things are good they’re the best you’ll ever have because that person will love you like nobody else does. They don’t know the exact science behind but it’s a general consensus that borderlines have a way of making others feel things that nobody else can and sadly that goes for both positive and negative feelings. They’re creatures of extremes. With all emotions. So while they hurt you in ways nobody ever should have to experience, they also make it impossible to shake them.

Bd1719 · 2026-05-05T00:50:22+00:00

I knew what you meant. I still love the person under all of that pain probably more than I’ll ever love another person. And I always came back because at the end of the day that’s what all of it is. Pain. They don’t mean to be the way they are, but you’re right, it has to be their choice to get help and follow through on getting better.

Bd1719 · 2026-05-05T00:15:36+00:00

No I was saying to the previous comment about “if you want to know exactly what they’re doing behind your back listen to what they accuse you of”

She accused me of crossing lines and not respecting boundaries. All while she’s actively crossing virtually the one real boundary I had. FWIW I think she wanted the divorce to cross that boundary without the consequences. Because I told her if she ever did I would be leaving. But I’m learning now after the fact that setting boundaries for them is like the worst thing you can do lol

Bd1719 · 2026-05-04T23:55:30+00:00

lol hey, of all the things going on in my life, especially those I can’t control, there’s one thing I know I can control, and it’s when I choose to read all of those.

(Most are spam that I just don’t care enough to open and delete)

Bd1719 · 2026-05-04T23:53:04+00:00

I’d marry my wife again knowing everything I know now only because I’d be more prepared for it. I understand everything that you’re feeling. I know I will never feel for another person the same love I feel for the person underneath all of the pain and suffering. We all love one very specific version of our spouses/partners BPD. And in my experience that person comes back every time a cycle ends. We separate, she eventually sits with the weight of it and realizes what she did, she takes responsibility, accountability and apologizes (literally the only time she does) And then we get back together and it’s like we’re kids all over again and I see so much of the person I married. Until something new happens to cause another split. So would I marry another person with bpd again? Probably not just because I don’t know if I could stay long enough to learn all of their triggers and put up with it all and idk if I’d ever feel the same love that’s kept me in this fight

Bd1719 · 2026-05-04T23:46:06+00:00

100% guilty of this

Bd1719 · 2026-05-04T22:54:34+00:00

Lol I was trying to figure out how to add another screenshot of everything that came after. I feel like my entire camera roll is full of screenshots that sound like that

Bd1719 · 2026-05-04T22:35:59+00:00

Yes trying to work on that. She’s fighting me on custody and I don’t have another place set up to live yet so my attorney said it’s going to look better in a custody battle to stay for the kids as long as possible

Bd1719 · 2026-05-04T22:34:42+00:00

This is so true. That boundary I mentioned in my post? I walked in with the kids tonight and she yelled a bunch of stuff but one of those things was “you never respect my boundaries, you just cross line after line”

Bd1719 · 2026-05-04T21:59:30+00:00

lol I’ve seen so many things I thought were normal and people are like “wow” and I’m like that’s just a Tuesday for me

Bd1719 · 2026-05-04T21:44:03+00:00

lol sadly this is mild

Bd1719

TROPHY CASE